[blessthefall]

Im new here and generally refer to not share my mind but nobody knows me here so i could careless of judgment (and if the government is tabing this in my file you suck) ill explain that for those confused and please excuse the length of this. I have always been a lost person. I have been diagnosed with being bi-polar (the depression one, type 2 i think it is?) And high anxiety. I came here cause i feel as if things are starting to slip. For example my memory is conoletely out the window. I tend to let my fantasy leak into my reality. Meaning I question half the time if it actually hapoened or if i just thought it happened. Thats been happening for a while but like i said it is worst than what it use to be. I dont have any friends. Well i use to back in high school but then realised that im fake around everyone so i just spend time by myself. By fake i mean i literally just feel like a robot. I cant hold conversations at all cause i am always stuck in some fantasy land so i dont hear what they are saying or i jumble words up so i sound like im stupid. Which is possible i suppose in a sense. I also have been havung really really vivid and crazy nightmares almost every night. I lost interest in food so i barely eat. I mean literally food is just boring as hell. I always think about suicide. Not saying i would act. Iv tried once and didnt go well plus i couldnt do that to my family. That would just make them feel what i do and no one should feel that. Though i would love to this world is ugly. But yeah just fantasy thoughts. I am always stressed and over react. Which ruined a relationship with the one i loved or lusted over. I dont even know anymore. I also see shadows and trails of lights alot. As if im on shrooms constantly. I get really shaky too i dont know what thats about but i feel like i get injected with adrenaline out of no where and sometimes it will make me go off the deep end. Not always do i go off the deep end but when i do i lose complete grasp of reality and get this weird tunnel vision where everything is blurred. I never sleep which is odd cause when i was a teen its all i could do but now its the oppisite? I always get the feeling im being watched too. Im not really sure by what or whom but i just get this weirs feeling (and no im not religious) so please keep religious comments to yourself out of respect. I already forgot everything i just put on here so sorry if i duplicate something. Im on a phone and yeah screw scrolling through it all. But yeah thats a small peice to me theres alot more but my mind isnt capable to be able to grasp everything at once. It will just be all over the place and make no sense. I pretty much just came here actually i dont know why i came here. Loneliness maybe? Or maybe just to express myself. All i know is life scares the living hell out of me. I have to listen to music most of the time to cope with this crazy world. I also dont believe in taking medicine. So no im not on medication even though im recommended to be but im suppose to be on so much stuff that it made me hallucinate for a straight week so i said off with that stuff. Never took anything sense. I hope im making sense. Sorry if all this was a total lost and waste of time to any readers.

[gayleggg]

Sounds like you have a lot going on. Have you tried therapy? Of course you are welcome to post here anytime. I have bipolar and can't control it without medication and they have had to try many. Some that had bad side effects or just didn't work. Having trouble right now getting out of my depressed state. Nothing seems to be working. Hope you keep posting if you feel it helps.

[blessthefall]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

Sounds like you have a lot going on. Have you tried therapy? Of course you are welcome to post here anytime. I have bipolar and can't control it without medication and they have had to try many. Some that had bad side effects or just didn't work. Having trouble right now getting out of my depressed state. Nothing seems to be working. Hope you keep posting if you feel it helps.

heyy sorry for the late reply, and yes i have tried therapy but i get way to paranoid and end up saying screw it. I have extremely bad trust issues ha so iv just been dealing with it on my own (which probably is the worst idea ever). But thank you for the kind reply =]