[Koojriu]

Hello! I am not diagnosed with anything yet(but if anything I'm damn certin I have PTSD) , and I am going through a mental health assessment but I've been having some distressing things happening to me lately. And it has been suggested I might have Bipolar disorder, which I'm finally willing to think about hence me posting here <_<'

Anyways I'm wondering if anyone began getting this in the early stages of develoupment (I'm only 21 and dispite people trying to calm me down I sincerly beleive something is wrong)

I feel paranoid that I'm going to be cheated on, or left, or that people are staring at me, or talking about me (people being strangers) when someone gets too close to me my inital urge is to scream "GET AWAY FROM ME" or "DON'T TOUCH ME" or "leave me alone!". I've been twitching a lot lately to, which I sometimes do when stressed but its worse now (my left eye will NOT leave me alone).

I keep mistaking strangers faces for those I once knew and have hurt me (yes it COULD be simply PTSD but this stream and length of my problems doesn't really add up, I doupt someone could have a flashback for an ENTIER month) I also keep mistyping a lot, which I rarely do when I'm "feeling fine". I feel wound up all the time and I'm much jumpier then I usually am (and I'm already quite jumpy)

I feel depressed and tired ALL the time, where as I felt fine before the paranoia started. I want to be both alone and around people 24/7 but more like I want them to make all of this go away which I know no one can.

I have been stressed lately, very stressed but considering where I used to be and where I am now life wise I feel like its very alarming to be experiancing all of this now. Like, I know my thoughts and feelings are super irrational but they won't stop. And its not like I'm seeing or hearing things (at least I think I'm not hearing things? Or is mistaking music you've listend to a lot before, for people talking to you "hearing things"? Because I have caught myself jumping and looking around only to realize in a few minuets that it was my music which happens when I'm particularly stressed)

I've also been apologising a lot because I think everyones mad at me or hates me (my friends and boyfriend) so <_<' and nothings happend between any of us to warent any of that it just spontaniously happend and progressivly worse over the past month.

But yeah sorry if this is long and I'm sounding like some hypocondriac and if i actually don't have anything to worry about, but I do have other mental health issues (possible BPD, which I was diagnosed with 3 years ago, told myself I was over it but I don't think any mental health pros agree with that. And I'm most certin I have PTSD) and this, feels, different somehow. I've looked up Bipolar types online but a lot of the information out there sounds like drastic senarios, and I'll think "ok sure this sounds ish, like me? but, not EXACTLY like that, close but no".

Again sorry if its long............please read, please help I don't feel secure waiting for the last end of my evaluation before I find out exactly whats wrong with me because this is all very frightning, I am very self aware and I know usually if your about to have an episode you don't know but because of my upbringing (my family has a slew of mental health issues and didn't know how to handle it, so I vowed to always stay on top of weird feelings I have so I don't hurt others they way I have been)

[Koojriu]

Oh and PS on the people being around me thing, I do picture myself screaming and hitting them, but I refrain because I don't want to alarm anyone or actually psycially hurt someone for sitting next to me on a bus or bumping into me because its crowded

[Victoria'smom]

Sorry but this doesn't sound like Bipolar I have but it does sounds like intense
PTSD. Please, please print this and give it to your evaluator. They can help you the most if they know everything.

[ayaachoub]

Sounds like you do have PTSD, the stress and jumpy feelings are being caused by your paranoia. You're just afraid of being hurt again which is understandable and it is an extremely common feeling, you need to face and conquer the past in order to move on with your life. It might help talking to someone you trust about this.

[Koojriu]

Thank you guys! I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Your posts helped a lot

[Victoria'smom]

You didn't offend anyone