[alybaba726]

Hello all--

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with MDD and put on Paxil. My mood improved with medication and therapy and I became a almost-normal member of society.

When I felt my mood dipping, my doc doubled my Paxil dosage. Within a month, I was suicidal and completely disfunctional. The last two weeks of December 2013, I slept a total of 13 hours and spent the rest of my time crying and thinking of ways to kill myself.

I voluntarily checked myself into a hospital over New Year's and I stayed there for eight days. During that time I received some really amazing therapy and the correct diagnosis of biopolar disorder.

Now I'm back to school (finishing my Master's in May), taking my medicine religiously, seeing a therapist once a week, and my psychiatrist every three weeks. I became very ill (physically) and was on bed rest for most of January and February. I have just been cleared to start exercising again.

This entire ordeal cost me so much--a romantic relationship (which is good, he's a bad person, but it still hurts), more medical bills than I care to admit, and a complete loss of my independent life. I'm now living my father and 23 year old brother out of necessity. Neither of them understand what I'm going through or want to educate themselves enough to really know. I think my mom and few friends are just tired. No one wants to deal with "crazy" me, so I have to pretend I'm okay all of the time.

When does feeling lonely stop? I feel like maybe they would have rather me kill myself a few months ago. I am NO longer suicidal, but these thoughts alone just suck.

[kaliope]

now that you are stabilized, I think as you get your life back on track you can start doing things that make you feel good. as you do this, the lonliness will subside. it sounds like you are still young, focus on getting a career and getting satisfaction in life from that or volunteer. do something that will make you feel useful. take care.

[Lobster Hands]

Yeah, I know how you feel. I hate myself so much sometimes. I'm such a private person that I won't leave my house sometimes for a week. I get lonely a lot too. I hope we can find some direction.

[swheaton]

Originally Posted by alybaba726

Hello all--

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with MDD and put on Paxil. My mood improved with medication and therapy and I became a almost-normal member of society.

When I felt my mood dipping, my doc doubled my Paxil dosage. Within a month, I was suicidal and completely disfunctional. The last two weeks of December 2013, I slept a total of 13 hours and spent the rest of my time crying and thinking of ways to kill myself.

I voluntarily checked myself into a hospital over New Year's and I stayed there for eight days. During that time I received some really amazing therapy and the correct diagnosis of biopolar disorder.

Now I'm back to school (finishing my Master's in May), taking my medicine religiously, seeing a therapist once a week, and my psychiatrist every three weeks. I became very ill (physically) and was on bed rest for most of January and February. I have just been cleared to start exercising again.

This entire ordeal cost me so much--a romantic relationship (which is good, he's a bad person, but it still hurts), more medical bills than I care to admit, and a complete loss of my independent life. I'm now living my father and 23 year old brother out of necessity. Neither of them understand what I'm going through or want to educate themselves enough to really know. I think my mom and few friends are just tired. No one wants to deal with "crazy" me, so I have to pretend I'm okay all of the time.

When does feeling lonely stop? I feel like maybe they would have rather me kill myself a few months ago. I am NO longer suicidal, but these thoughts alone just suck.

There are those in our lives that will always be supportive and always, we will have some that will never understand. I like the saying "walk a mile in my shoes". If only I could make others feel what
I feel.

[pink&grey]

I feel for you. My brother, also my best friend, thinks that psych medications are bull and that I just need to make better choices and think positively. And he's in college studying psychology!!! He doesnt get it, but I still love him and he loves me. To be honest, most people won't get it. It's lonely, yes, but keep coming here and you'll see you aren't alone.