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  #1  
Old Mar 12, 2014, 08:24 PM
donna450 donna450 is offline
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I'm going nuts here. Yelling screaming at my husband obscenities just to hurt him the way I hurt. I want to kill myself die please God take me from this horrendous person I am constantly turning into. Who does this? Who would deliberately hurt the one person you profess to love??? I am going crazy...my pills aren't working...I'm not sleeping...I stay huddled in a ball most of the time. I am turning into a zombie infecting my family with my hatred.... I cry ...I cry out at the injustice of it all...I have many chronic diseases and each one is as bad for me...but bipolar is the worst. I don't care...I don't take care of myself...I walk around in my pj's all day. Sometimes I read...I get chronic headaches...I take 30 pills a day...what does God want? I'm a mess...a nobody...a failure...a nonperson..and that doesn't cover half of it. Please someone help!!!!!!!!

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Last edited by shezbut; Mar 13, 2014 at 12:00 AM. Reason: Added a trigger icon
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  #2  
Old Mar 12, 2014, 08:30 PM
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punkybrewster6k punkybrewster6k is offline
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(((hugs)))donna.
Thanks for this!
focusontoday
  #3  
Old Mar 12, 2014, 08:31 PM
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punkybrewster6k punkybrewster6k is offline
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I know its not much, but I understand. i do.
  #4  
Old Mar 12, 2014, 09:32 PM
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Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is online now
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First you have to sleep. It is desperately needed. Do you have a sleeping med?

Next: you are in a mixed state. Not a horrible person and not meaning to hurt your husband even if you think you do.

There is no way to infect others with hatred.

If you can hand your meds to your husband, take a sleeping pill and a warm shower (crying in a nice warm shower feels so nice) put fresh clean PJs on. You've already stated that your meds aren't working let your husband call your Dr tomorrow.
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Thanks for this!
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  #5  
Old Mar 12, 2014, 09:38 PM
Anonymous100104
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((())) I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Can you hold on til the morning and call your dr? Do you think maybe you should go to the hospital if you are feeling like harming yourself?
(((Biggest)))
  #6  
Old Mar 13, 2014, 12:10 PM
donna450 donna450 is offline
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I am quieter this morning. Hangover headache from raging and crying. My man made me get dressed and go for a short ride with him to "get me out". Have grandaughter today she's 14. I helped raise her...so I'm settled for now. I slept about 5 hrs last night. I appreciate your concern. I know I need counceling AGAIN...but can't really afford it unless I'm admitted to a hospital. Don't know if my dr does hospitals only clinics. But I don't want to go there again anyway..but I can't go through last night again. I've spent 2x a whole year once in Indiana and once in Florida with many stents inbetween. It's horribly debilitating to have this disease. I can't put my kids (grownup) and grandkids through this again. I have been relatively stable for about 15 years and now I'm back to square one. I can't go through this again. Am I suicidal? I use to be a cutter..haven't done so in a long time. I don't think I could do it again...I'm too sober ( too aware) what it's like. I've made alot of mistakes in my life. I have many physical problems and mental but I'm afraid of dying. I'm rational now but under different circumstances??????
Thankyou for aiding me last night. It made me cry that you cared. I won't do anything stupid until I see my dr soon

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Thanks for this!
punkybrewster6k
  #7  
Old Mar 13, 2014, 04:13 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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If your taking 30 pills a day to me that is the first thing that needs addressed ...30 is too many

Hope your able to get some help and feeling better very fast
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
  #8  
Old Mar 13, 2014, 10:21 PM
focusontoday focusontoday is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by punkybrewster6k View Post
(((hugs)))donna.
I love this! Great one for the bathroom mirror!
  #9  
Old Mar 14, 2014, 09:21 AM
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Donna are all your drs working together? How's today?
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Husband- Bipolar 1
Daughter- mood disorder+


Comfortable broken and happy

"So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk
My blog
  #10  
Old Mar 17, 2014, 08:35 AM
donna450 donna450 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2014
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Thanks Miguelsmom.
I do feel better. I think bc of depression my dr change my anti psychotic to am instead of pm which I've been taking it since starting many years ago. So I think it unbalanced me. I put the pill back to pm and I started sleeping better and feeling better. Can you imagine how powerful this one pill is??? Oh the pill is Risperdal. But I take about 5 psych drugs about 10 pills a day. Thx for the inquiry. Your concern is appreciated.

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  #11  
Old Mar 17, 2014, 12:22 PM
WrongEverything WrongEverything is offline
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Go see your doc hunny, i'm going to see mine, we're in the same boat... except i can't seem to stay stable for more than a few months. Kudos to you for being stable for 15 years AND not cutting. Keep that up its so great. I know you have no control but do go see a doctor.

I'll take a shower if you will haha.
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  #12  
Old Mar 17, 2014, 12:49 PM
cindyluehoo cindyluehoo is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 9
I'm new here but can identify with what you went thru last night. My meds. are all screwed up right now and I feel like I'm on the edge and don't see psych. dr. for 3 months (took me that long to get in). I'm glad you survived last night. God bless.
Cindy
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