Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

I'm new here and hoping that being able to vent on this site will help me find some relief. I would love to hear stories from you about being impulsive with words. I have severe anxiety. I often have panic attacks. I am also an alcoholic/addict and definitely suffer from that "irritable, restless, and discontented" state. Does the anxiety and panic attacks go along with your experience with bipolar disease? I also have had severe depression for soooo long. I am really feeling hopeless at this point. I have been in therapy with the same therapist for 3 1/2 years. In the beginning it was a very good relationship. I felt he understood completely how I felt and was very supportive in listening and offering feedback. I was even able to text or "journal" him with things going on with me and often get feedback that would help me deal with things at the time. Well unfortunately I have worn out that resource. I guess I became so dependent on him that I "journaled" way too much and then when he didn't respond I would get my feelings hurt. I then began expressing my frustration when he wouldn't respond. He told me I could 'journal' but not to expect him to respond to every text. In my mind, I know that he was not able to commit that much time to my unending pleas for help. But when he didn't I became more and more resentful over time.
We are now on rocky waters and I am miserable. The only outlet I felt I had has disappeared and I may have ruined the relationship forever. I need him as a therapist but can't help feel resentful that he will no longer answer my texts. And unfortunately I keep opening my mouth and trying to 'journal' to him in hopes that it will give me relief like it used to. But all I am doing is pushing him away farther and in the end I fear I will lose the relationship forever. Do any of you have trouble keeping your mouth shut even when you know if will do more harm in the end. Have any of you pushed your therapist to their breaking point. I don't have much support outside of my therapist so I keep going back to him hoping things will get better. But I know if i can't stop texting him and being so needy I'm going to lose one of the biggest supports I have. I would love to hear if anyone has had that kind of trouble with their therapist and/or has that kind of trouble keeping your mouth shut. Thanks.

I shoot my big mouth off a lot. I have a major problem with impulse control. Supposedly, it's a frontal lobe thing.

My yap has cost me every friend I ever had. That combined with my screwed up way of thinking. I'm alone because I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself.

for you.

Hikeandbike

Have you ever tried any group meetings? It is impossible for one person to fill the void we have in ourselves. I have ruined or walked away embarassed from many relationships because I need too much, and just emote all over them too often. It's a lonely thing, but like minded people are much more understanding. I would encourage you to find if there are any NAMI meetings or if the local mental health facilities organize such groups.

Oh boy do I know about shooting my mouth off. I joke that I have no filter but really, my filter is very thin and sometimes gets me in trouble. I often isolate myself from my husband because I can't hold back what I'm thinking when I'm angry. I'm hurtful and very cruel. It happens with my children too sometimes and I'm afraid I will damage them somehow. I get it.

Yes. I haven't been in therapy in years, but I do shoot my mouth of a lot especially when I'm manic. I've found it easier to only surround myself with people who understand my condition as they are more able to cope with the moodswings & not take it too personally when I'm out of control. The good thing about PC is there are so many of us that you won't have to worry about overwhelming any one person. Hope you find what you need here!

Hikeandbike, I just got banned from another site because I couldn't keep my opinions to myself. I know how you feel

You are in a hard place. I'm sorry yr struggling right now. The thing with yr therapist is he never should have said it's ok to text him. Cause now he's cut you off. I wouldn't let that ruin the relationship you guys do have. It's hard for one person to be yr guide and I know my therapist would have never agreed to communicate like you two have. Try and move past it if you can. Know inn yr heart that he tried to be there fir you but he realized it wasn't healthy to do that in the first place. I hope I'm helping here. I'm just trying to let you know that if he has been a big support to you then I would absolutely continue to see him. But if yr not able to move past this then maybe it's time fir a change? Ive never heard of a therapist who texts like that with their client and if that is what you are seeking you might get disappointed. The answers will come to you.just be easy on yr self ok? Let us know how things go.

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Like I mentioned in my thread, I have the same problem except with emails and I haven't given into bombarding my therapist with them YET like I DESPERATELY want to do. I also have her phone number because she is number one on my safety list. That is just for emergencies though so hopefully I can always respect that.

Thanks. He is not he only therapist I've had that would text or email. I know some do. But I abused it and now I've lost it. I just have to learn to control my impulses. This all sucks. I'm so sick of screwing things up in my life.

I like the idea of writing them out but not sending them I manage to do that sometimes but it certainly doesn't always work. I don't understand the obsession. It's an intense need to know that someone understands my pain. It's a shout out for help. I have to find another outlet for sure. This site should be very helpful.

On gmail, at least you can set a delay on emails after you click send.
So, there is an "unsend/undo" link that comes up for a certain amount of time after you have already clicked send.

sometimes I can be impulsive with certain people, so I have activated this feature and find it very helpful.

I have done this very thing to several people in my lifetime and I'm afraid it's only a matter of time I do it again (to my therapist, no less) if I become manic. Sometimes with this illness it's nearly impossible, if not impossible, to have impulse control during a mood episode. I have burned bridges also. I hope it gets easier!

know this is an older thread, but wanted to respond...even if it's just talking into the void....

THIS is my biggest problem (not being able to rein in my tongue). I am currently suffering the consequences of shooting off my mouth. I am cringing through the repercussions of family slamming doors and telling me to f**k off. Time and again, I create so many problems for myself and generate such turmoil for those around me, i cannot seem to stop!

I have tried medication, prayer, snapping rubber bands on my wrist, even holding pen/pencil in my mouth to give me pause before speaking, but all failures. I'm not a bit "pray-er", but am not above trying anything to bring me a little peace and give me that needed break before I talk.

In my darkest hours, I have even contemplated removing my tongue....but thankfully medication helped me see the total insanity of this "solution."

I am so miserable right now. I will be looking at the rest of the posts for suggestions, helpful ideas. I hope you have found some helpful info, as well. Hope you will post again to update - has anything been helpful? what have you tried?

Take care - you are def not the only one who does this (lets the mouth lead!)

This is amazingly helpful! I will incorporate this, post-haste! Thank you!

I agree - the pain is so intense, it's like being on fire - and I'm rushing around, trying to find someone to help me put it out..... I feel incapable of helping myself, or need absolution, or am unable to see any other way out. 99% of my problems are caused by not calming myself down, stopping to consider for a minute. Medication has helped greatly, but there are still times mania breaks through and I simply REACT rather than responding. I am trying to stop this by using daily charts to keep on track (mood/sleep, goal reminders, dbt review, etc). It feels like a full-time job....

Same here. I feel so righteous when shooting my mouth off, so I do it. But that makes me look like an *** at best and hurts people at worst. Then I get suicidal over the whole issue. Sigh.

As for emails, I have a rule that I fill in the "Send To" field last. I automatically hit send after finishing an email whether I intend to send it or not. But if the Send To field is blank, then the email doesn't go. I've avoided catastrophe a few times that way.

[QUOTE=Vossie42;4854307]Same here. I feel so righteous when shooting my mouth off, so I do it.

I can totally relate to this - when I feel swollen with self-righteousness is a tip-off (if I can remain aware) that I am about to spew unsolicited advice/"education" and/or probably offend someone.

If you don't mind my asking, have you found anything that helps control this? I'm having my meds looked at, but think that (for me) this might be more of a bad habit than an expression of mania.

Thank you, and take care.

I feel the same about getting suicidal and also use the Send To field last rule.
I don't have a righteous feeling when I burst- it's just that stuff just bottles up inside me until I explode. It's rarely intended for a specific person, it just happens when it happens. After this past week, I am afraid I am going to lose my job, because I have had outbursts before and had one this last week. It wasn't directed at the co worker, and had this person not gotten in my "space" it wouldn't have happened, as I would have had time to work things out in my head. It spiraled from there the next morning with this person using the f word at me numerous times with the boss right there.
It's frustrating because when this person does crap, there is always an excuse for it and it is gotten away with- "that poor person". I see that management is being played by this person and it just irks me even more. It just keeps building. I can't find another job with my age and physical disabilities, let alone my mental ones. I feel like there aren't too many choices left.

I also can't keep my mouth shut at many times. Anyway, this happens more when I am hypo and in my party mode. I will just tell a lot of private stuff and the next day I feel miserable and think I will never show up at this place or meet those people again (even if they are my best friends). I usually get over this at some point.

Then I have my moments of dependency, usually with a guy. I open up to little people on an emotional base, so if I do, I totally need that person to be around. My last "boyfriend" (was not a relationship, cause both of us knew he had to move back to Mexico, but it was LIKE a relationship) moved back to Mexico a few weeks ago and I keep texting him about whatever happens to me. He also texts me and I help him with a lot of stuff as he wants to come back to Germany. But sometimes I think I am for sure gonna get on his nerves and why the hell can't I just shut up and keep it to myself?

One thing that helps me a lot is posting in the forum because I can just get the thoughts out of my head and receive answers and I don't worry about asking too much of one person because everyone here can decide whether he wants to answer or not.

One skill I use when getting angry - the moment I know I could destroy absolutely everything because I can get really cruel and destructive - I withdraw and stay alone for as long as I need to be able to say what I feel in a calm way. I don't know how I manage to do that but something in me says "no" to destroying long term relationships.

I use this skill as well (I would have been divorced a long time ago if I didn't use this tactic). Also, when I worked, I was good about not expressing things I am unsure of or cannot prove. Unfortunately, it is impossible to withdraw while you are at work so I would try to pour my energy into documenting bad actors at work via notes, copies of emails, etc. (telling myself I would use it later). Many times, after my anger passed, I would read the "case" I was putting together and find it to be quite flimsy. (if it wasn't, I would continue to pursue the matter after "sleeping on it")