[adj2013]

I'm so stressed and depressed right now and it's no more than usual i guess it's jut that time for me if the rest of you BP's know what I mean. I think I'm going to go on a serious rant here...
I supposedly have BP1 with psychosis and I say supposedly cuz 1 people (aquaintences) say they don't think I have it, 2) I hate labels 3) lost that last one but there are other reasons... Either way I most definantly show major signs with mania so bad that even my speech comes out as frazzled as my words. I will literally start mumbling words that don't exist. (Small example)

Anyway the point is- I am going through the rapid cycling and I'm getting so irritated that I just feel like I am going to snap into full blown mania or psychosis and do something wreck less. There's little I can do to help my situation right now. I can not help my money problem. I can NOT get a job in this state of mind right now. I can Not stop other people from being complete narcissistic manipulative pricks. I can't stop the negative emotions.i can't make friends because I'm a horrible friend. I just have too many issues its complicated.
The list goes on... I'm sure nobody wants to hear the whining anymore.
I deal with all these issues all the time. Have been my whole life. A month ago I did t freak out about it all. I dealt with it all like the almost 30 year d adult I am today.
Why is it that these past couple of days/weeks I seem to think the worst of everything, like its all going bad or everything is working to inflame my paranoia?
I do t know how much more bad news I can handle.

I don't know how many more obligations I can take.

5 minutes from now I will be the happiest most pleasant articulate person in the world. Right now I have this IDGF attitude. I know none of this makes sense... I don't even want to proof read I'm just so negative I hate it!

I can't talk to anyone about it. Everyone has problems. It's not all about me!!!

[swheaton]

Take heart, for the moment it is about you and how you feel! Sometimes a good rant is what we need and you are allowed!

[LaborIntensive]

I am like this as well. Either people are shallow and conceded or arrogant and abusive. All we can really do is focus on ourselves. I am out of work for the umpteenth time in my life and panicking a bit about it.

For me: I am cooking things that take time. If I don't like it or I made it to try and it turned out bad I dump it in the yard for the animals. I go walking which is not much of a help but the hobbies involved are. I DJ dance music so I will mix up a one hour session of music and walk around listening to it which is a nice break and healthy. I will also go clean my car, house and cruise around the internet. Expand your focus off your emotion and keep looking.

You said your broke and running out of money. Do you have credit? Have you looked into an unsecured loan? Have you contacted social services?

[Victoria'smom]

everything is working to inflame my paranoia? I currently know exactly how this feels. If you have an anti psychotic PRN I would take it. Isolate yourself so you can breathe and relax.

[adj2013]

Originally Posted by swheaton

Take heart, for the moment it is about you and how you feel! Sometimes a good rant is what we need and you are allowed!

Very well said. That rant actually helped. And going back and reading it really helped me to see that it's not that damn bad!!! I have a roof over my head, my kids always have food to eat, and other so called luxuries that others don't have.

I told you in 5 minutes I would be a different person.

[adj2013]

Originally Posted by swheaton

Take heart, for the moment it is about you and how you feel! Sometimes a good rant is what we need and you are allowed!

Originally Posted by LaborIntensive

I am like this as well. Either people are shallow and conceded or arrogant and abusive. All we can really do is focus on ourselves. I am out of work for the umpteenth time in my life and panicking a bit about it.

For me: I am cooking things that take time. If I don't like it or I made it to try and it turned out bad I dump it in the yard for the animals. I go walking which is not much of a help but the hobbies involved are. I DJ dance music so I will mix up a one hour session of music and walk around listening to it which is a nice break and healthy. I will also go clean my car, house and cruise around the internet. Expand your focus off your emotion and keep looking.

You said your broke and running out of money. Do you have credit? Have you looked into an unsecured loan? Have you contacted social services?

Thanks for the advice. I really don't mope all the time. Yesterday I was feeling down and I blasted the music, opened all the shades and windows, and went to town on my house. However, if my depression goes too far, it's almost too late to get up and do something about it. The only thing I could think to do today was to reach out. The ones that I turn to are unavailable and it just seems like it happens every time. It's not always their fault though.
I also like to write, make art, educate myself, get outside, etc... Which helps too.
I'm just so worried about gettin to that point where I don't have that contort anymore and I'm like a child. I almost need people to hold my hand and help me make decisions. It's scary!
As far as money, I have no credit which is, I've heard, as bad as no credit. I do t want to get a loan because i may not be able to pay it back.My husband has a decent job, but it has been slow. I think my only option is to apply food assistance until we get back on our feet.

[adj2013]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

everything is working to inflame my paranoia? I currently know exactly how this feels. If you have an anti psychotic PRN I would take it. Isolate yourself so you can breathe and relax.

Glad I'm not alone. I just don't understand it! People are going to find this funny, because I do right now, but there have been white vans just sitting outside my house lately. If I was in full blown mania or psychosis, I would be absolutely TRIPPING BALLS right now!

It doesn't make any freaking sense. Do I just not notice vans randomly hanging around outside or does it just happen when I'm like this? And it's not just vans, there are lots other... This is just the most recent.

And what's even funnier, one of them was a cable van. But he was looking mighty suspicious! Lol gotta laugh.... Yeah I'm going to see if I got any of those PRN meds. I have plenty.

[Victoria'smom]

does it just happen when I'm like this? I think it just happens when we are paranoid. We can read into anything and add it to my paranoia. Its a thing that you know your wrong but you know there's no way you are wrong. Try to stop it before it does real damage.

[txbipolar]

Just remember, no life altering decisions should be made in this mind set.

[adj2013]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

does it just happen when I'm like this? I think it just happens when we are paranoid. We can read into anything and add it to my paranoia. Its a thing that you know your wrong but you know there's no way you are wrong. Try to stop it before it does real damage.

I don't know how to stop it. I've learned digging and dwelling is never a good idea. Right now I don't know if I would even call it paranoia yet, just thoughts that don't always happen. When I'm really paranoid I don't know about it until later, if at all.

[adj2013]

Originally Posted by txbipolar

Just remember, no life altering decisions should be made in this mind set.

Good point! Luckily I have a sound minded husband that I discuss these decisions with. I currently don't have a bank account...that helps too!