[melwess91]

Just something I was feeling so i started writing it...



When you view yourself as a bad person, it’s hard to see the positive about you. I am way too hard on myself. I have the knowledge of the right way to think, however, I cannot bear to do it right now. I am constantly fighting off negativity everywhere I go. Whenever I pick myself up it seems as though something else has to hit me and bring me down once more. For example, this whole writing nonsense I feel so dramatic. I want to feel mellow and easy to talk to….I just can’t let things stir around in my head too long. My anxiety is off the roof….I mean everything makes me nervous nowadays. I can’t drive in peace. I can’t work in peace. There are some good days/moments I feel confident. However, lately most of the time I have been beating myself up….I get paranoid the way people perceive me; especially at work (that makes my job that much harder, thanks brain)…
It is so bad to be a sensitive, mood-shifting waitress. I try my very best to keep my calm and focus on work but it is extremely difficult to not feel nervous.
This is my problem. These are my issues that most would say to just “fix” and believe me, I have tried the self-improvement thing but my confidence runs out all the time. It gets tiring.
I can get so flustered and so upset that it feels like an elephant sitting on my chest. At this very moment, just over-analyzing everything and thinking….I’m trying to catch my breath.
I can never keep a relationship, and I do blame my problems. Who’d want to deal with me, right??
I can never keep a personal goal and every fail I think so far has killed a part of my soul. At this point I am desperate to heal my wounds.
My aspirations are to be successful and do what I love. I know I need to go to school. Every time I have gone to school since highschool, I have given up or felt extremely unintelligent and not apply myself. I am afraid of failure, and then hate myself for not trying hard enough.
Anxiety, depression, and anger are all horrible feelings I have to battle daily. I know the right route to take and keep getting off on the wrong exit.

[Turtleboy]

i can so relate to this thanks for sharing

[Standup2me]

Mel, the ability to recognize all of the things that you see and feel
means that with every day you are learning more and more

Baby steps will still get you to your ultimate destination