Hello again,

I was here a bit ago trying to figure out what's going on with me - was diagnosed previously with anxiety/OCD and bipolar II (on the lower end of the spectrum). But no one in my family nor my friends 'believed' the bipolar diagnosis, and therefore I couldn't take it (or its treatment) seriously...

Went to a different psych the other day - told him about my concerns, and my history of faking/fearing illness (lots of psychosomatic stuff in my past) which has led me to distrust myself in terms of judging what's what. He suggested I might have bipolar II rapid cycling AND traits of borderline personality disorder. I now feel even more ridiculous/fraudulent than before, since everyone around me seems to think nothing is seriously wrong (I'm just really 'emotional' or 'moody'). The problem is I keep a lot of my thoughts and feelings inside (when I can) + I believed I've learned to 'manage' myself to a certain degree over time, so it's not as if I'm going around ruining my life, but I'm sick of feeling so unstable all the time.

Anyway, my question is this: I do not want to use medication long-term. However, I am a Phd student and have basically stalled-out (I'm in the writing phase) - no matter what I do I can't seem to move forward because of the elevation (tons of ideas but inability to focus/maintain perspective)/crashing (nothing makes sense/numb/suicidal). I am therefore considering trying some medication in order to help get myself through school before I totally self-destruct.

This new doc recommended lamitcal but the 'black box' warning really really freaks me out (I have a lot of anxiety surrounding my health). Does anyone have any experience with this drug? Or what drugs have you had success with?
(full-blown mania is not my problem - its the constant fluctuation + sandess)

Thanks for reading!

[Victoria'smom]

Myself, husband and my son all take lamictal with different degrees of success. As long as you go very slowly getting to your final dose you should do well.

[Sad&Bipolar]

First of all, stop talking to non-professionals about your symptoms. It sounds like they are giving you a lot of advice that is not productive. You have seen 2 docs who both have identified Bipolar ll. Listen to them. You have mood swings that are interfering with your ability to write your dissertation. A mood stabilizer probably will help with that. I took Lamictal and had an allergic reaction. As soon as I saw the rash on my leg, I let the doctor know. When I stopped taking it, the rash went away immediately. So don't be afraid to try it. For those who have no allergy to it, Lamictal is actually very effective. Talk openly to your Pdoc about medications and your fear of side affects. Usually they are mild (dry mouth for some). You should be making medication decisions together. If you are very uncomfortable with a med, chances are you are not going to take it often enough for it to work. It's a good idea to believe that a medication will work, it will have a better chance of doing so. Be sure to discuss whether the doctor thinks you will need meds long term or short term. Usually, there are long periods of time between episodes. You may be able to be med-free during remissions. I had a 10 year span between major episodes. Read up on Bipolar ll, and perhaps get a workbook. If your insurance covers it, it is also a good idea to see a therapist for all your fears and anxiety. If you do get suicidal, call a hotline number:
1-800-273-8255 is a good one. They will talk to you even if you are not all that suicidal, and just need to chat. You can also call a Warmline: 1-877-910-9276. It is not a suicide prevention line, just a chat line run by NAMI from 10am - 3am, Pacific Time.

Hang in there. Take a break from writing - ask for an extension. Be kind to yourself. Learn to do deep breathing exercises, and be sure to do some things that you find enjoyable. Listen to the song, "Best Day of My Life," by American Authors. It is so upbeat, you can't help but smile every time you hear it!

[Nammu]

Traditionally I've not had good luck with medications but I have been on lamictal in the past and had no side effects. The key is to start with low doses and go up slowly, over weeks. A lot of people have reported that it is effective quite soon after starting even though it is not at a therapeutic dose yet. It is also the number one choice for BP II.

I'm curious why do you need the people around you to validate a doctors diagnosis? Most people have no experience with mental health issues and they may have reasons to want to keep you as you are, after all if you become healthy you may change. Most people have trouble with change even when a family member is hard to deal with and they complain a lot the that is the role that person has been elected to play in the family dynamic. If that person gets healthy what are they going to complain about, or it just might force them to look at their part in the family, something that is scary and almost always unconscious.

[ManicIcarus]

I would argue that it's bad to overly look at the symptoms of a medication. It's the surest way to end up getting said symptoms. By that, I mean that you'll trick your mind into. Now that's not to say that you shouldn't know the things to look for. But, this is something your pdoc will discuss with you.

As far as Lamictal goes. I take it once a day myself. It keeps me more balanced, but me and my pdoc are still working out the dosage.

I would also add that there is nothing wrong with having to take medication. Our brains are just a very complex system of chemicals. Sometimes they just need outside help to be balanced right.

[Trippin2.0]

Well the people around you aren't MH Professionals, and they probably know nothing about bipolar except what the media reports or portrays... Sooo obviously according to them you're not bipolar because you're not going on shooting rampages or losing complete touch with reality.

Nobody except me believed my dx for months... I had to give them the cold hard facts and explain which parts I struggle most with, before they even considered I may have an actual problem beyond getting "emotional"...

Lamictal is apparantly very good for those who respond well i.e don't get the rash.

You need to do what's best for you, not what makes the people around you feel comfortable.

[Twigs92]

If two psychiatirsts have diagnosed you with BP2 then you probably have it, you're just in denial. My dad actually wrote a letter to my pdoc saying I was faking it for attention because I lived in my sister's shadow, I hope they're more accepting than that. Half my family and friends are the same, I internalise a lot of symptoms - it's really difficult and how I've not been arrested for assualt or destruction of property is a sheer miracle - or they come out in strange ways that unless people live with me they don't notice- like feverishly doing coursework, or SI, intense anger, a love of all this housework, extreme delusions etc.
I know it's hard because you want your family to be supportive, but right now think of you, keep a mood diary so you can look back over it and see what your mindset was really like, even if you do it throughout the day with the rapid cycling. You can see where you mood goes up, and down, then over time get a picture and maybe get a bit closer to accepting the diagnosis. It's also just a good way to take stock and work out where you are, if you've had a particularly emotional, or busy day.
Sorry I've never taken lamitcal, if you aren't sure then properly speak to your pdoc about it. Good luck with everything, and the dissertation.

[wildflowerchild25]

Hello! I'm happy to see you again. You may remember through PM that I shared your struggle with taking illness and this have trouble accepting my diagnosis. That still continues. I went off medication for about a long before crashing. I am back on it - begrudgingly, I might add.

Lamictal I heard is a decent drug. It did not work for me years ago but I don't know if I ever made it to the right dose, since the titration period is so long. I remember I left the hospital and went to partial and promptly quit because they kicked me out of the regular adult program. I didn't find another pdoc after that. I bet I didn't take it anymore either. So I'm not a good judge on that.

I take trileptal and it works for me very well with no side effects.

It's all about finding a combination that works. I totally understand not wanting meds, I don't either. But they can help you in the short term to be able to finish your schooling. And you may find you feel so much better on them that you keep them.

Anyway glad to see you again and PM me whenever you want

[swheaton]

Listen to the professionals. Unless someone can feel how your feeling, or have been thru a similar experience, they cannot tell you that your "moody". Having to rely on medications for stability isn't the end of the world. Trust your doc. I hope you start to feel better soon!

Lamotrigine is considered the gold standard for treating BP2, and is particularly effective for depression (albeit not so much for mania and hypomania).

lamotrigine for bipolar disorder

[shortandcute]

I am currently taking that. I did have some issues with rashes at the beginning, but that has stopped. I wouldn't worry so much about what others have to say about your diagnosis. They are not inside your mind so they don't know.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

Traditionally I've not had good luck with medications but I have been on lamictal in the past and had no side effects. The key is to start with low doses and go up slowly, over weeks. A lot of people have reported that it is effective quite soon after starting even though it is not at a therapeutic dose yet. It is also the number one choice for BP II.

I'm curious why do you need the people around you to validate a doctors diagnosis? Most people have no experience with mental health issues and they may have reasons to want to keep you as you are, after all if you become healthy you may change. Most people have trouble with change even when a family member is hard to deal with and they complain a lot the that is the role that person has been elected to play in the family dynamic. If that person gets healthy what are they going to complain about, or it just might force them to look at their part in the family, something that is scary and almost always unconscious.

I agree with that 100%. It's true for alcoholic families too. A lot of times, when one person is drinking, nobody likes it but everyone kind of gets in a routine and takes on a certain role that they get accustomed to. Then, when the person gets sober, on one hand everyone is glad, but then again their "ecosystem" is upset. They have become so used to behaving a certain way in order to survive the one person's alcoholism that now they don't know what to do with themselves. They have to readjust and start all over from scratch, so to speak. It's not uncommon for the families to feel hurt that the alcoholic got outside help and that their love wasn't enough.

I know that's a little off topic, but I think the shoe still fits.

Thanks everyone for your feedback!

I agree, ideally I shouldn't need/look for 'validation' but it's difficult considering my past...after getting myself into so many Dr offices for phantom or totally made up stuff, sometimes I don't believe that anything is actually 'wrong' with me, and the only place I have to look for reference are the people who are around me most. Also, I see a lot of people here writing about how so and so was concerned for them - I don't have this experience. I get things instead like "maybe you have a learning disability" (mother), or "seems like your mood depends on how work went that day" (everyone) etc.

On a similar note, because I was actually treated for things I faked as a child (including crutches twice and a cast on my wrist), I also tend not to trust doctors that much...(they also, I might add, often come across to me as either not really that intelligent or just absent-minded/after $ - especially when they start rattling off the wikipedia description of bipolar in their attempts to 'explain' my own feelings to me).

I will definitely look into meds more thoroughly, and in the meantime really appreciate all of your input

[Standup2me]

Lamotrigine has saved my life

I believe that it is one of the reasons that I am alive today

400mg/daily