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  #126  
Old Apr 30, 2014, 02:03 PM
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charo224488 charo224488 is offline
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Now I've gone from depressed to sick- bad bronchitis. Out of work all week, which I feel nervous and guilty about but I physically can't work. Nothing to do, just trying to sleep and I can't sleep so I have all of these awful thoughts swirling around in my head constantly. So sick of everything- I can't find any joy in anything I used to do. I can't even watch tv or read. Happy people on tv make me so angry- they are so stupid. Don't they know they are ultimately going to die and nothing they do truly matters? I'm sure all the meds for my sickness mixed with my other meds are not helping my mood. This is so hard.
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  #127  
Old Apr 30, 2014, 03:09 PM
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On a practicum and hating it. I feel so stupid.

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  #128  
Old Apr 30, 2014, 03:15 PM
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TRIGGER

I'm not sure how I'm going to cope. I have a high stress day on Sunday the kind where I have to greet about 100 visitors. I had so much energy this morning I ended up walking about 10k in the crazy wind and I felt like I was about to explode in pleasure over every tree bud and blade of grass. i didn't sleep much I literally felt complete ecstasy now I have a huge headache from downing two cans of cider on an empty stomach. I have so much work to do but I cant focus. Now i feel so uncomfortable in my own skin I want to rip it off. My thoughts are really dark. They gave me some lyrica I think it is and trazadone to sleep. I have taken 2 Ods in the last week and didn't tell anyone. at times I seem to lose complete control over myself with terrible anger. I just want this to go away. feeling desperate.
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  #129  
Old Apr 30, 2014, 04:06 PM
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I had some motivation today. Being away from work has it's benefits.
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  #130  
Old Apr 30, 2014, 04:08 PM
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It is sunny and +20 (celcius) outside.

Life looks good
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  #131  
Old Apr 30, 2014, 06:59 PM
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Bumble2u, please call your Pdoc, T, and whoever your person/people are, ok? Maybe the new meds causing trouble? Let them help to figure it out, because the stuff you've got going on is not good(!)

Curiousity -- -I don't even know what a practicum is(!!) So you're ahead of me -and I have a pretty big vocabulary. So you're definitely not stupid! (Had heard the word before, but had to look up meaning.)

I….really don't know. Had pressure-y energy a couple/few days ago. (No sense of time. Re-started mood charting, promptly lost chart, been scribbling haphazardly in a little notebook since.) Been trying to get sleep on track, but that's not going well. Went to bed about midnight, thoroughly tired, thinking, "Yes! This will be real sleep!" Nope. Mind started up, then wouldn't shut up. Slept maybe 2 hours at about 3 am. In bed for 15 hours though. (Got up a short while, crawled back in, then forced myself to get up 3 pm.) Eye sockets hurt. (That's my no sleep deal. Hate it.) Other stuff (hip, nausea). Basically, feeling crappy. Soooo going to take sleep meds at beginning tonight! Desperately want to do that right now, but that would really screw up the time thing, uh circadian rhythms, which are already whacked enough. Ugh. Can not get with it. Yeah, still in pjs and needing to get in shower, but you probably already figured as much. Haha.
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  #132  
Old Apr 30, 2014, 07:19 PM
Notnrml85 Notnrml85 is offline
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My daughter who is 9 and one of my sons who is 6 are both having their 2nd appointment with a child psychologist. He thinks my daughter may have depression and anxiety... And I guess he needs more time to diagnose my son.
This was not supposed to happen!

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  #133  
Old Apr 30, 2014, 11:16 PM
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Hbomb0903 Hbomb0903 is offline
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Sometimes I wonder what is bipolar and what is just situational and what is just me. I had a few weeks of supermotivation and to coincide with it, I was in dreamland with the man I'm in love with.

Things seem to be coming back down to middle. I feel anxious and the fear is creeping back in. I'm fighting it willfully though. I just don't know what is normal?!

I have a job again but its like the ones i had before and not what I want to be doing. I just need money, but the hours are high and it feels like a trap?? I'm ramping up to the therapeutic lamictal dose. I think I start 100 mg tomorrow. Is that killing it? I hate the depressions but I want to feel inspired again!
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  #134  
Old May 01, 2014, 03:06 AM
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Have talked to pdoc the past 2 evenings. He said there isn't really anything to do med wise other than to use therapy to work through these feelings. I hate that everything med wise takes so much time. He mentioned hospital if my safety becomes a concern, but he agreed that should be a last resort. He's also making room in his schedule to see me one last time at the end of may before he leaves and I get a new pdoc. I've reached the I don't care about life point. I want to just sleep so that I don't have to deal with my head. I've been cold for a few days. Wish the weather would warm up and stop being so windy.

Tig
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Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin


  #135  
Old May 01, 2014, 03:59 AM
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I am feeling the worst I have felt in a very long time. The bad depression is back. I am struggling.
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  #136  
Old May 01, 2014, 11:37 AM
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The day started really crappy with my husband venting about his difficulties due to my depression. Conveniently, I was scheduled for an appointment with my T this morning. He's got a good idea about how my husband and I can resolve our communication problems and keep things on track as best we can. Off to an AA meeting now.
  #137  
Old May 01, 2014, 04:19 PM
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Hard T session. Now I just want to melt into the couch.
  #138  
Old May 01, 2014, 04:55 PM
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Feeling inside myself today
Where my thoughts and songs are mine and mine only

I like it
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  #139  
Old May 01, 2014, 05:51 PM
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It's 20° C (68 F) today so I went for a walk. Maybe it's finally spring time.

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  #140  
Old May 01, 2014, 06:55 PM
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Having a hard time forgiving myself for all the dumb things I've done when I have been ill.

Busiest week of my year this week, and Im sick with a virus. Coping ok, but last night and today the thoughts and guilt have been dragging me down.
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  #141  
Old May 01, 2014, 07:07 PM
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I feel a bit better today. Had a crying spell yesterday about my hair falling out. I think I am going to ask about stopping Geodon.
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  #142  
Old May 01, 2014, 07:42 PM
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in-balance in-balance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Supanova View Post
Having a hard time forgiving myself for all the dumb things I've done when I have been ill.

Busiest week of my year this week, and Im sick with a virus. Coping ok, but last night and today the thoughts and guilt have been dragging me down.
I really empathize with you; sometimes a bodily illness, like the flu, can magnify a mental health diagnosis in such a real way. Sending you compassion and support.

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  #143  
Old May 02, 2014, 08:10 AM
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I'm wondering if my mixed episode our whatever the heck that was this past week is over. I'm not feeling great but a bit better which I'll accept. Wondering if it'll last a while. Have therapy today after work, shes been on vacation so she knows nothing of whats been going on. I've decided I need to talk about why this was so bad and I think it has a lot to do with my frustration level. I'm so tired of trying to do all this "crap" i'm told will help but then I get thrown back into the same black hole at different levels. The psychiatrist was the missing link according to my nurse so now we've got that spot filled meds will get right and I'll have the right support team to back me up. I'm indebted to my nurse this week I've talked to him nearly everyday. I needed someone who understood and "knew" what should be said. Have you ever had someone tell you "you are the strongest person I know. When someone asks me to name a strong person your name is the first one in my head." I heard this everytime I talked to him even when he knew what my thoughts were. My wife has been saying similar things but i'm of the opinion shes obligated, plus she doesn't know everything. I'm rambling. Gotta go back to work. Take gentle care all.

Tig
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Dream Big..... Wish Big..... Believe Big......
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Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin


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  #144  
Old May 02, 2014, 09:33 AM
Anonymous37807
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Oh man, today I just feel like giving up. Don't feel like posting on PC, don't feel like going to the AA meeting or my dentist appointment, don't feel like watching t.v. What does one do when you don't feel like doing anything at all?
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  #145  
Old May 02, 2014, 12:10 PM
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Today I hate the world. Except for my cats, I love them
  #146  
Old May 02, 2014, 03:37 PM
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Hbomb0903 Hbomb0903 is offline
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I feel the "bad" feelings that started my last mixed episode and have for the past 3 days. I just got a new job and was kicking butt like I always used to but yesterday I struggled quite a bit. Today I ran around taking care of things, but that "I don't want to do that (not because I am lazy don't want to) and feel scared of doing (insert activity/task here)."

This is not acceptable! I'm frustrated and kind of pissed because its only been about a month since I was in a severe mixed state!
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  #147  
Old May 02, 2014, 04:57 PM
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in-balance in-balance is offline
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Hi there tigersassy
Thank you for posting what you did. You reminded me that when someone praises personal strength, such as your nurse, they often mean it! Thank you again for this post!:thumbup:

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  #148  
Old May 02, 2014, 05:14 PM
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madrikh madrikh is offline
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Mired in depression. Feels Too familiar, like this is the only life I've ever known.
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  #149  
Old May 02, 2014, 05:55 PM
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My husband is depressed so I'm a little depressed since he is. I love the way my mind works.
  #150  
Old May 02, 2014, 06:16 PM
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Someone called in Adult Protection Services on me again. This is right after my mothers caretaker walked out on me.

Otherwise, life is wonderful! LOL
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