[MagicsMom]

How do you get your family off your back when they bug you because of love and a lack of understanding? I have a very small, close family and when I had my breakdown and was in bed for a year I lived in another state from them so there was no pressure.

When I got laid off we decided to move back to our home state - 10 mins from my MIL and 45 from my mom. BIG mistake.

Of course they expect us to see them a lot more and get disappointed, frustrated, etc when I make plans and then can't follow through and cancel either due to bipolar depression or panic attacks. I'm fine if people come to me but they don't - they expect me to come to them.

We were supposed to go to lunch and a movie today and I felt the panic start. I tried to force myself and brought on a full blown attack complete with irregular heartbeat. I have a heart condition had a heart attack at 40. I have to do everything I can to keep the attacks at bay which has made me 90 percent agoraphobic. Desensitization does nothing but make it worse.

I tried to get them to read up on bipolar and panic but the only one who has is my mom and my SIL. My MIL, step-father, and brother think I should just "suck it up", "put my big girl panties on", etc.

I can't take the pressure anymore and feel like telling everyone to f*** off. I'm going backwards with this illness and still don't feel correctly medicated or stable. I've only recently come to grips with this illness myself as I was diagnosed late in life at 43.

When the panic happens and I let them down again I go into depression or mixed state.

I've tried to explain I can't make plans and just need to be spontaneous. I'm tired of hurting people I love but I'm tired of the pressure too which destabilizes me further.

I can't move away until next June when my son graduates high school.

I apologize for this being so long but had to get it off my chest and knew someone here would understand.

[Victoria'smom]

I tend not to make plans if at all possible. If I do make plans it's for the next day or two.

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I tend not to make plans if at all possible. If I do make plans it's for the next day or two.

Me too, the only plans I end up making are for doctor appointments.

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[Nammu]

I do understand but don't have an answer. Wish I did.

[Broken Robot]

Have you tried getting them to come to you? You mentioned that they don't... I didn't know if you've actively tried inviting them over. If you have invited them over, has it been for specific events or just casual, hanging out? Maybe if you call it an event, it'll seem more formal and they will come?

My family is the same way. They only rarely come over. Given my issues, it means we see less of each other than I wish we did.

Good luck with the situation. I hope you find a solution that works for you!

[r010159]

Tell them they need to come over to your house, that you cannot be making these trips because of what it does to you. Then go about your business. I am sure they are capable of handling this situation once you begin to draw your boundaries with them. They will adjust. They will have no choice but to adjust.

I know this would be a big step for you. But IMO your mental health comes first.