[wildflowerchild25]

So because I'm high out of my mind right now and the geodon wears off by noon. I can't take it in the morning because it knocks me out flat around three hours after I take it. Like full on drunken sailor tired and I absolutely cannot push through it. So I can't take it before work.

Many of you know that I teach English in a private school for behavioral and emotionally disturbed kids. I LOVE my job. I don't wAnt to lose it. But I'm so high by te afternoon that I may not be able to function and do my job. I cannot even think about lesson plans right now because I have thousNds of thoughts all competing for space in my head. I'm kinda screwed anyway. Too late to start a book, textbooks are boring, can't do a orksheets every day for the next seven weeks.

Anyway I can't afford to be out right now or ever. I could claim short term disability. But that sure as hell won't help when I don't have a paycheck to speak of. I don't know what we would do.

I'm also concerned about what I would say. I've told them three times now that it's a medication issue. I know they can't ask but seriously what would I say why I'm out for two weeks? Or longer?

I don't care about the chatty kathies at work. They already started a rumor that I tried to kill myself. Which in essence was kind of true sort of but I didn't talk to anyone - I mean NO ONE - from my school over the summer. So where did they get that **** from? My only guess is someone has noticed all the scars on my wrists when my sleeve snaked up or something. I know who would have started it too and at least she's out for the rest of the year with an actual medical condition. But what would I tell my superintendent? My principal?

I KNOW they can't ask but I can't even come up with a good lie. I guess I would just say I have a medical problem that needs to be addressed.

And part if me is like I hope she does take me out because I can't be like this right now.

I dunno. I wish I were better.

[BipolaRNurse]

You don't even have to say it's for a medical condition. You can cite "personal issues" as the reason if you choose. It's really none of their business, anyway. You need to take care of YOU now. Do it and don't worry about what some gossips might be saying.

[wildflowerchild25]

Thanks Bpnurse. I wouldn't do partial unless she insisted. Did that last summer and I ended up losing my camp job. I am so afraid I will be fired from my school. I have my TFA certification on May 15 and I don't know if I'll be depressed or manic or finally baseline.

I can't think right now lol but thanks for your support. And everyone's.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I too am worried about possibly losing my job for taking time off. I am doing a partial hosp program. I just look at it as I could possibly lose my job for taking time off, or I could more possibly lose my job from being unstable, so I'm taking my chances with taking the time off.