[outlaw sammy]

When I was eighteen, I was involved in a horrific automobile accident where I lost my right arm above the elbow, fractured both legs in multiple locations, and so forth. The ER staff claimed I lost between six and seven pints of blood. When I woke up several days later in intensive care, I was thrilled to be alive. Oh sure, I was in three-point traction with several IV's dripping unknown liquids into my veins, EKG leads in various colors hooked up the a continuous monitor, and my right arm was still gone, and yet I was overjoyed. The staff just figured that it was the high dose of morphine sulfate that was responsible for my good spirits, but I was conscious throughout the entire accident, and I remember my last words before passing out; "Please God forgive me for all my sins and allow me into Your kingdom."

Thus, I value every day of my life no matter what difficulties or suffering I am asked to endure.

So, in 2001, when I was diagnosed with type I rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, I didn't think "Poor me - my life is forever ruined." Rather, I wondered how my condition might be of service to others. Currently, I'm very much involved in "sensitizing" our Colorado state laws (criminal and civil) to meet the needs of those with severe mental illnesses.

And I researched bipolar disorder to the point that I can teach "the professionals" a thing or two. For example, I was thrilled to learn that we experience the full spectrum of emotions, whereas "normal" people only experience a narrow window of emotions (no wonder a few of my poems were published). Also, those with bipolar disorder tend to have above-average to very high intelligence and are extraordinarily sensitive. We tend to be more creative, more artistic, in spite of the fact that "the normies" consider us to be a pain in the behind.

Think of your bipolar disorder as a challenge: are you tuff enuff to deal with it? Can you use the positive aspects of your condition to the your advantage and those of others?

Sure, being bipolar isn't any bed of roses. I lost two marriages, countless jobs, suffered several arrests, and alienated ex-friends and relatives because of the symptoms of this illness - but I chose to dwell on the positive rather than the negative.

If we think bad thoughts, then bad things will follow, but if we think positive thoughts, good things will follow. Not always - but remember it's a rule in criminal law that "the thought proceeds the action."

I LOVE YOU ALL!

[almondjoy]

Thank you for this - it is really inspiring!!! I think I'm going to print it off

[r010159]

You are being too pragmatic and reasonable. What will I have left to whine and complain about?

[shortandcute]

Thank you for your inspiring post.I'm sorry that you had to go through all that hard stuff, but it sounds like you have learned a lot and became a better person for it. So it wasn't all in vain! It's like that saying, "All's well that ends well."

Sammy, your story is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing. What are some of your most important coping/treatment methods? I'm curious, since I find this illness to be so demotivating and energy-sapping so often.

[lonely43]

Thank you so much for your story I too have been through alot of the same things

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What a great post! Thank you Sammy.

I agree that you can't always take the people you love with you on this journey, but sometimes they just can't keep up.

I love being able to feel everything and as a psychic I am an ituitive empath. Most of the psychics I've ever known are BP, especially the really good ones. I believe we are all more empathic than normals.

And in my heart I know my artistic gifts wouldn't be as vibrant without it.

When not depressed I feel so alive that even the gray people respong to it. (I call the normals gray people because they always seem so sad and never smile or meet your eyes.)

Yours is such an inspirational post that it makes me proud to be bipolar.
I'm also going to print your post and frame it and hang it on the wall.
Ad everytime I read it, I'm going to thiink of you and your courage and borrow a little bit of it.

Kudos to you, kiddo. I love you back.

[MagicsMom]

Wow! What an amazing and inspiring post. I'm printing it out to.

Kudos to you for remaining positive despite huge obstacles and using them to your advantage. I so admire your attitude!

[Lobster Hands]

Outlaw Sammy, you truly are my hero. I can't put into words what reading this post has done for me. Thank you.

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[littlemiss44]

You have an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing it! It inspires me to embrace my struggles and to know there is hope. Thank you and God bless you. Hugs

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[ArthurDent]

Touche` Sammy

[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by psychehedone

Sammy, your story is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing. What are some of your most important coping/treatment methods? I'm curious, since I find this illness to be so demotivating and energy-sapping so often.

I appreciate your inquiry, in fact so much so that I want to share my reply with everyone.

The old adage, It is in giving that we receive, and do unto others what you would have others do unto you - is all you need (besides your meds, therapy, a place to sleep, food to eat, a pet cat who adores you, and a girlfriend/boyfriend is nice). But all of us are selfish and self-interested in our own sensual gratifications. We think in terms of "What's in it for me." And yet, look around you, are those people with all the showy stuff, exotic vacations, awesome ranks upon the corporate ladder truly happy? If you ask them - they'll say that they are, but remember the famous poem Richard Corey (based upon a true story). He had it all, he was the envy of all London, and then he quietly went home one night and blew his brains out. This is what is meant by the label Comfortable Misery.

But enough of that . . .

So, to get back to your question, I live to serve those who need me. They may not even know that they need me; some who benefit from my work may never know my name much less recognize me walking down the street in the opposite direction; still others may whisper among themselves, "He's getting some sort of kickback somewhere."

If we give ourselves to the service of others, our own troubles, regrets, prejudices, animosities, and a bunch of other "bad stuff" either fades away or is reduced in importance. And it doesn't have to be any big deal: for example, what about that elderly neighbor who lost her husband many years ago, and now she stays confided to her home/apartment waiting for her turn to pass away. Why not offer a bouquet of freshly-picked Spring flowers from your garden (or those that you stole from the park).

COME ON FOLKS! You're all BP's with higher intelligence over that the normies - you figure out what act or acts of kindness you can or want to do. And what's too cool about this is it's contagious.

Most importantly, I serve the Father. My riches are not stored here on earth and my ultimate reward remains yet to be collected.

But even if you cannot commit to Our Creator, you might ask, will senseless random acts of kindness make me happy? Absolutely! Try it. If you're not completely satisfied with the results of my formula, then simply return the unused portion of the bottle, and I gladly give you a full refund.

[InTallGrass]

This is just what I needed to read today. It's true, we're a really special lot.
<3

~FABulous post!~

Tremendously inspiring Thank you

[shortandcute]

I've heard (and read) that that is actually good therapy--or at least very important part of it. Yes, it may be a littler hard, but once you do it, it becomes that much easier to do it again.

[Blitter2014]

Sammy, your life story is truely inspiring and your living by the "golden rule" proves thewisdomof those ancient words. If I could ask any question it would be how do you do it long term? Without blowingmyown trumpet, I try hard to make others the focus of my attention and gve of myself to others, my wife has chron's disease and I am very involved in my religion and helping the needy. But I still after all these years have not learned how to stop giving or say no I order to prevent a deep depressive cycle. I can and do say yes to everyone when I am manic or even just on a high, and that might last 2-6 months. Bu that will always and I mean always lead inevitably to becoming overwhelmed, followed by anxiety attacks, then having to ungraciously let everyone down. Most people know around me have bipolar, and I found about 4 years ago that letting that cat out of the bag was one of the best things I ever did.
But the crash, the letting people down, the having to hide from society, not able to answerthephone, the door, and others although knowing labelling me as unreliable....it just kills me inside and kills any desire to climb back out of the hole- everyone knows sooner or later Ill be back there again.
How do you overcome that? Joy is derived from pleasing others but how do you derive that joy when other leave you feeling disappointed with yourself, or pity you. As I said I really really admire your innner strength, I wish I had it, but I dont, I have always needed the apporval of others.....what do you do if you are just weak and pathetic always needing reassurances from others to function?

[Victoria'smom]

I'm glad you didn't get more injured but I find this post very dismissive.

I truly don't feel many of us are "smarter" but our challenges often lead to more adventures. I'm glad you can value life but some of us don't want to survive when low. Whether the medication. BP isn't a challenge to concur because there is no concoring it. Your not fighting it, your adapting and accommodatiing it. There is no "tough enough" because we don't have a choice. Having a disability doesn't make you " tougher" maybe more clever, or intuitive because no one can teach you how tot accommodate yourself. If it was about "toughing up" no one would have it and only therapy would be prescribed.

There is advantages but I feel that celebrating that in times you live in hell isn't realistic. I do feel we should help others because we're all in need but not because of something we had no control over dealing with.

( if this is to harsh I will erase it).

[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm glad you didn't get more injured but I find this post very dismissive.

I truly don't feel many of us are "smarter" but our challenges often lead to more adventures. I'm glad you can value life but some of us don't want to survive when low. Whether the medication. BP isn't a challenge to concur because there is no concoring it. Your not fighting it, your adapting and accommodatiing it. There is no "tough enough" because we don't have a choice. Having a disability doesn't make you " tougher" maybe more clever, or intuitive because no one can teach you how tot accommodate yourself. If it was about "toughing up" no one would have it and only therapy would be prescribed.

There is advantages but I feel that celebrating that in times you live in hell isn't realistic. I do feel we should help others because we're all in need but not because of something we had no control over dealing with.

( if this is to harsh I will erase it).

I'm sorry you completely misunderstood my message, and I take strong issue with your misinterpretation of "tough enough." Perhaps had I said "have courage" instead that may have been more to your liking. I'm not asking anyone to celebrate their misfortune(s): I'm asking them to channel those experiences in a positive direction. Lastly, by the content and tone of your post, you act as if I haven't the foggiest idea what we all suffer from our illness. Next time you read one of my posts, please try and understand the content correctly.

[Victoria'smom]

My tone was not a negative one. I would like you to explain your strong issues to my statement. If you want it can be done through pm. I had my husband read it and he's consered about my sentence structure so that may be part of the issue with tone.

[Blitter2014]

I dont want to get into the middle of something, but One of the reasons I am on this forum right at this point in my life is I need tools to help me because i dont "want to be tough enough to fight it", Im struggling to find the will to keep living.....bipolar is not something that can be defeated but somethingt that you must learn to co exist with. I guess the only fight is who has the upper hand.....but its always going to be the bipolar e ause it takes what it wants, you only have limited control via mind and meds.....its learning to kuve with what's left and being happy with that......that is not defeat thats more like co existence.......

Thats how I feel and understood your post.

My apologies if I have offended anyone, again........

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[outlaw sammy]

[QUOTE=Blitter2014;3752398]I dont want to get into the middle of something, but . . . Thats how I feel and understood your post. . . . My apologies if I have offended anyone, again........

Alright, if two of you took a dislike to "tuff enuff" then may be I should have selected a better term. Still, I believe firmly in having MEANING in your life as a means of enduring almost anything including the tragic symptoms of BP. For me that meaning comes from serving our Father, and I do this by serving others. It gives me tremendous strength. Try it - you'll like it.

[Blitter2014]

Like I said sorry if I offended.....and I agree text and grammatical structure often does not properly convey the intensity or true spirit ofwhat we are trying to say. You are a truly amazing person Sammy for your inner strength, I just wish I could find within myself what you have managed to harness. That's what I need to learn and I appreciate you sharing how tou found it. Friends please?

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[pawn78]

I am fully embracing myself and my bipolar brain, and it's great!!!!
..... Except when it's not, then it's pretty ****** horrible....

But sometimes... It's great! I love who I am, bipolar and all! I always unique in sone way, long before my diagnosis, and now it explains a lot about me, my ups and downs, my amazing mind and my horrible suffering. It's all part of me.


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[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by Blitter2014

Sammy, your life story is truely inspiring and your living by the "golden rule" proves thewisdomof those ancient words.
But the crash, the letting people down, the having to hide from society, not able to answerthephone, the door, and others although knowing labelling me as unreliable....it just kills me inside and kills any desire to climb back out of the hole- everyone knows sooner or later Ill be back there again. . . . How do you overcome that? Joy is derived from pleasing others but how do you derive that joy when other leave you feeling disappointed with yourself, or pity you. As I said I really really admire your innner strength, I wish I had it, but I dont, I have always needed the apporval of others.....what do you do if you are just weak and pathetic always needing reassurances from others to function?

You have several questions within your post to which I'd like to share openly.

Regarding "letting people down," I would like to use an analogy. If a man is driving down a busy avenue with his car-poolers from work, and he suddenly has a heart attack causing him to swerve into on-coming traffic - has he "let people down?" Even if several victims are injured, is it his fault? Did he decide at some point to place others in harm's way? Of course not! Does he owe anyone an apology for having a heart attack? No! Certainly he may be heart broken over the tragedy, and even apologize to the victims, but he is completely without blame. And so are you for the results of your bipolar symptoms! STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!

You also ask how I apply "The Golden Rule" for the long term. That's easy - our Father provides me with the inspiration, strength, and resources to carry on in the light of His Will. All I have to provide is the willingness to do so - and the rewards on earth and in His Kingdom are immeasurable. I have joy in my heart because He gives me MEANING. Your meaning may be quite different, but the concept is the same. Don't confuse purpose with meaning. I have a "purpose" in carrying out the trash every week, but I have meaning whenever I commit myself to something of great personal importance. It doesn't have to be of a religious nature necessarily: it could be as simple as helping out on a school field trip. Try it and then ask yourself if it doesn't bring you personal satisfaction.

As far as your statement, "I have always needed the approval of others." Damn - I used to be like that too! But I'm older and presumably wiser now, and I say TO HELL WITH WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! Be your own person. No matter what you do or how well you do it - there's always some schmutz who'll criticize you. When I was a busboy in a nice restaurant four decades ago, there would always be customers who'd criticize the food, the service, the background music . . . Hell, I even had a customer complain to the management that my hairstyle (English shag) was inappropriate. There are a lot of very, very unhappy people in the world and many of these try to feel better by putting others down. They are not worth your time and attention - trust me.

Baruch Tihiye (Blessed you will be)

[outlaw sammy]

[quote=pawn78;3753025]I am fully embracing myself and my bipolar brain, and it's great!!!!
..... Except when it's not, then it's pretty ****** horrible....

But sometimes... It's great! I love who I am, bipolar and all! I always unique in sone way, long before my diagnosis, and now it explains a lot about me, my ups and downs, my amazing mind and my horrible suffering. It's all part of me.

GO GIRL!