[brokenandalone1234]

The last week or so my brain has been really messed up because I have only had one of meds till today now I have both. Well since I have been on a mood roller coaster all week. I have been so bad that almost everything has caused me to have a melt down. Well my fiancé has never been with a girl with bipolar disorder so he is not sure how to deal with me. How do I help him to understand how my brain works without repeating everything I say over and over again because I have a bad habit of doing it. I had an ex-boyfriend break up with me for being bipolar because of melt downs like this and I don't want to lose my fiancé because of it he is the love of my life. Please help me at this point I am willing to try anything to help him understand me and may be even find some new ways to cope for myself so I have these melt downs less often.

[anneo59]

yes, my dear, I have and am still there, fighting the good fight. You just do your best, you are worthwhile. You can be loved for who you are, and you can also manage your illness at times. Blessings!

[brokenandalone1234]

Anneo59 I am not trying to be rude but that doesn't help a whole lot. I really need advice bad. My fiancé is the first guy who doesn't use me for something and I don't want to lose him.

[~Christina]

Well my advice would be .. Do not let Bipolar be such a huge part of your relationship. Also no one is really going to understand Bipolar unless they have it.

So maybe have him read a little about the basics of Bipolar. Or maybe take him along with you to a Therapy appointment that is if you have one.

You will have alot of people offer just support because they have been through the same thing ... Just knowing you arent the only one that has been in your shoes should give you some comfort .

[A Red Panda]

Find a good, informative, website and let him read that.

That is the closest he will get to understanding you.

[99 FAIRIES]

My husband bought a book called loving someone with bipolar and after he read it our relationship improved a lot. I would highly recommend this book.

Have you ever done DBT? That might help with the meltdowns. Sometimes partners do get over us being emotional so its best to get yourself undercontrol so you dont damage the relationship further. They are never going to understand but they can be supportive, especially if you show you are actively trying to improve yourself.

[LostNAngry]

Getting him educated and informed about Bipolar, what it does to a person, all about the roller coaster moods, the manic/depression, the meds that have side effects etc. Have him read book or look online. I really agree with all of the others that have said this. My husband just finished Bipolar for Dummies and I also read it and found it very informative for the both of us. It doesnt mean that you aren't going to have problems in your relationship because in my case my marriage has and is suffering all the time because of having bipolar, I think most people do. Someone can correct me if Im wrong here. Just talking personally myself.Good luck to you.

[Victoria'smom]

Could you sit down with him and ask him to help you make a wrap plan and a mental health directive . That way he can see in black and white how bipolar effects you.

[brokenandalone1234]

You guys have given a lot of good advice. I will check half price books and see if they have either book that was recommended.

[brokenandalone1234]

I was able to find the book loving someone with bipolar at half price books but it was on the other side of town from where I live so I had them ship it to the store closer to me hopefully I will have it by next week. I am going to buy it and have him read it. I also called his mom today and told her what's going on and she said she would talk to him and stay neutral on the whole thing. His mom and I have a great relationship and I love her like she was my own mom. I am hoping she can talk some sense into him. Last night my fiancé and I got into a fight over dinner and we are still fighting. I think it's because we both made the mistake of going to bed mad well I went to bed mad. We did cuddle last night and I got up with him at 5:30am like I always do. We were fine or so I thought till about 9 and then things went down hill. I am really hoping this book will fix things. I think once he reads it it will. The hard part is going to be getting him to read it.

[ultramar]

Maybe the two of you could collaborate in this in going through the book together? Everyone experiences bipolar disorder differently and there may be a lot in that book that doesn't quite fit with your experience or how you relate to your husband (and he, you). Going through it together, discussing it along the way, may lead to better understanding, both on his part as far as what you experience, as well as on your part, as far as how your symptoms affect him and the relationship. This gives him a voice in this as well.

I think that as much as we need others, especially loved ones, to understand what we go through, what we experience, it's also important for us to understand what they go through --both to the extent that they and the relationship are affected by the disorder and also how their own issues (and our own co-morbid issues) also affect the relationship. I wish it were so easy as to give someone a book (any book) and voila, but I think there are ways to approach this more broadly and so that both people in the relationship have a chance to voice their concerns and experiences and, ultimately, go on the journey together.

I have this book and it was actually eye opening for me to read it also. I had to do highlights for my husband, he's a nonreader.

[anneo59]

no prob. Have you ever heard of Julie Fast? she's bipolar and written a lot about the management thereof. She has a system of health cards to use with significant others or family members. Of course, some money is involved. But a lot of this is common sense. Should be a good bit of info online. Wonder if you could enlist your guy into things like using "cuing words" and you agreeing to working with him on this??? Just my humble two cents. I have personally and known some folks that had some success with this sort of thing. If he doesn't want to do this, well, there are many who don't, or who get tired of it. But if he knows you're on your meds and trying to practice good self care, maybe that will help. I've found that thinking before I speak or react sometimes helps, but it's hard. However, there are many people who are bipolar who live happy and successful lives. I hope you get this worked out and sorry I can't be of more help!

[anneo59]

I may look into this, as well!!!

[anneo59]

excellent, had to do this with my doc, and gave to my hub. Right now he is not as supportive as he used to be, I think because of some things he's going thru himself, and life in general (LIG, I call it!), but it seemed to help! The best brokenandalone1234!

[anneo59]

This is so true, that the non bp spouse needs to be able to have his or her voice! I have found that out, sadly, on the late side, but I am hoping, not too late! It's very important!

[intergalactictraveler]

Originally Posted by LostNAngry

Getting him educated and informed about Bipolar, what it does to a person, all about the roller coaster moods, the manic/depression, the meds that have side effects etc. Have him read book or look online. I really agree with all of the others that have said this. My husband just finished Bipolar for Dummies and I also read it and found it very informative for the both of us. It doesnt mean that you aren't going to have problems in your relationship because in my case my marriage has and is suffering all the time because of having bipolar, I think most people do. Someone can correct me if Im wrong here. Just talking personally myself.Good luck to you.

After 20 years of not wanting to learn, my wife is slowly learning but the marriage has taken its share of damage. My wife also has emotional problems which she started dealing with after I told her I was leaving her last June. I've never seen someone get into therapy so quickly. But I'm like a ship that's taking on more water than can be pumped out and though I'm not abandoning ship, I realize that I might just end up going down with the ship. Life isn't easy and life isn't fair. Life just is.

[sprik]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Could you sit down with him and ask him to help you make a wrap plan and a mental health directive . That way he can see in black and white how bipolar effects you.

what is a wrap plan and a mental health directive?

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by brokenandalone1234

Anneo59 I am not trying to be rude but that doesn't help a whole lot. I really need advice bad. My fiancé is the first guy who doesn't use me for something and I don't want to lose him.

been a while since checking msgs. sorry i couldnt offer more but glad to see others did. hope you are doing ok

[outlaw sammy]

If your fiancé is like me, then he'll want his bipolar intel instantly, especially if he leads a busy life. While reading books and sitting in on a therapy session are excellent suggestions, most of us are too busy for that, and/or not interested in all the details. It's been my experience that educating the bipolar-ignorant takes "on the job training," in other words, "don't tell me - show me."

My last wife left me after fourteen years, because of my bipolar symptoms, and she was/is a mental health professional (M.S.W.). She knew everything about the illness, but knowledge alone is a poor substitute for true love, devotion, and empathic caring - all of which she lacked.

Finally, being bipolar will cause issues in any relationship with which you're involved. It doesn't matter whether it's your boss, the clients, your relatives, the checkout cashier at the grocery, your cat or dog, or even your goldfish - bipolar symptoms are pervasive and non-directional. It's just another one of the many facets of this nasty illness. The best any of us can hope for is controlling our destructive symptoms through approved clinical methods.

[BlackSheep79]

My husband of 11 years has gone thru this roller coaster with me and I suffer not only BP 1 but also OCD. He has gone to several of my psychiatrist appointments as well as my therapy. He has also done some research of his own. I believe that what has helped him and has also pushed me is him seeing that I am trying to make improvements on a daily basis. When you are married you have to there for each other in the good times and the bad. He has Crohns disease and I have also had to be at his side thru the bad. We are both there for each other and that is what loved ones do.

BP 1-mixed episodes/OCD

Lamictal 400 mg
Haldol 4 mg
Klonopin 1.5 mg