[MissTery]

As a piggyback in the thread recommending things not to say to someone with BP, conversely, I'd like to know what are things one should say to show support, or understanding..

Currently my Bf is going tthrough a bad depression, and so I'd be very grateful for any help.

I'm currently going through a bad bipolar depression and what helps me to hear from my husband is, "I'm sorry you're feeling that way . . . is there anything I can do to help?" (even though the answer is no) and just plain old "I love you."

[StartingFreshNow]

The best thing for me to hear was just "I'm sorry you're going through that. I don't know what it's like, but I'm here for you and if there's something I can do to help, please tell me."

Since you don't know what it's like, trying to pretend you do, or trying to minimize the symptoms will come across the wrong way. However, being honest and open and willing to just sit and listen IS helpful. It might be hard to have to just "sit back and watch" him go through phases, but really, there's nothing you can actually do to get him through a depression.

If he wants your company, or maybe wants something like touch or peace and quiet or a movie or balloons or something like that - let him tell you what would be helpful. I know if my husband brought me flowers on some days that would rock - on other days it would send me off the deep end because I would be completely unable to be happy about them and that would make me feel worse.

I know it's hard to watch, but just be willing to support when he asks for it and he'll be thankful in the end.

[LacunaCoiler]

"I love you"
"I'm here for you"
"Anything I can do?"
"Ok"

The last one is probably one of my favorites coming from my gf, to me it's just her accepting me and letting me feel how I feel. She's not trying to change my thinking or behavior and I'm not being forced to validate anything to her. She's simply acknowledging me.

[MissTery]

I've tried the "What can I do to help?", and his terse response is usually "nothing I'll be fine". I know it's not personal, but I'm still a little hurt by it. He feels unmotivated to do anything... And typically my response is "Ok". I know he has to go through this, but it's tough watching it...

Thank you for your help!

[MissTery]

He won't ask me for help, but he's grateful when I'm there...

[madrikh]

For me, my husband's presence helps and a gentle touch on the shoulder, or holding my hand. I went through a horrible time yesterday and all he could say was "I'm sorry". The compassion helps. Sometimes I'll ask him to "tell me the truth" when I am caught in an obsessive loop about what an awful person I am.

[epersonanovea1]

I'm not bipolar, but I am no stranger to depression either. Words fit well in their place, however action is the it for me. "Hey, I'm going to handle some business come along and keep me company." Do lunch and the whole nine yards full of light, normal conversation. Bring your friend back to the light of day, to the joyous... reality of not being depressed. Perhaps while on the ride along with you, your friend can find himself/herself again. If this doesn't work one day, then give it another.

[epersonanovea1]

Originally Posted by StartingFreshNow

The best thing for me to hear was just "I'm sorry you're going through that. I don't know what it's like, but I'm here for you and if there's something I can do to help, please tell me."

Since you don't know what it's like, trying to pretend you do, or trying to minimize the symptoms will come across the wrong way. However, being honest and open and willing to just sit and listen IS helpful. It might be hard to have to just "sit back and watch" him go through phases, but really, there's nothing you can actually do to get him through a depression.

If he wants your company, or maybe wants something like touch or peace and quiet or a movie or balloons or something like that - let him tell you what would be helpful. I know if my husband brought me flowers on some days that would rock - on other days it would send me off the deep end because I would be completely unable to be happy about them and that would make me feel worse.

I know it's hard to watch, but just be willing to support when he asks for it and he'll be thankful in the end.

StartingFreshNow, unless I have been completely inattentive and truly insensitive somehow, you are saying let the depressed person prescribe what they need from others in order to end an episode of depression. That is convenient and thoughtful. Allow me this truth, when I am depressed it is my responses to life and living that have brought me to that place. Something (meds, etc.) or someone (therapist or loved one, etc.) has to stop that cycle that I've reasoned myself into. I think my prescription would be equal to my depression, either too radical or not radical enough.

[Pierro]

Sometimes you dont need words. Just be there when she needs you. You are her BF, you know how to comfort her. Best wishes.. I wish I had a BF like you!

[Hbomb0903]

I am here for you and you don't need to worry about that. That is what my boyfriend just told me and it has done a huge amount to relieve some of my anxiety.

When I am not feeling right, I just feel WRONG and ALIEN, and to know I am accepted unconditionally is a godsend.

[MissTery]

Thanks for all the suggestions...

The simple I LOVE YOU goes a long way with him feeling like I support him. Also the oft used Okay let's him know I'm acknowledging his need for a moment.

[MissTery]

I've gone the route of saying "I love you", "I'm here for you... " and" I'm not going anywhere ", but I'm feeling like slipping a bit into the depression. He's a bit more distant, not as affectionate and more snappy when we are talking. I am trying my hardest not to take it personally... But sheesh, it's almost a 180 from when we first met. We are going in three months together, and I want support him as much as I can, but it's tough when he won't open up to me.