[Sad&Bipolar]

I have been having a really rough time for several weeks. It all seems to have been related to Latuda.

This past week, I went into a mixed episode, and was awake for 2 days. Finally when I tried to sleep, some sleep did come. However, I had nightmares, would wake up, go back to sleep, and had more nightmares. My sleep was fitful to say the least.

Then at 5am, I awoke from sleep because of very intense feelings and the thought that I should end my life - NOW!

I was frightened by the strength of this sudden thought, which began while I was asleep, and then woke me up.

I waited several hours before moving. By then my Pdoc's office was open, so I called. Her instructions were to drive myself to an ER within the hour. I was told that in an hour she was going to call the hospital to see if I was there. If I was not there, she would call the Sheriff's office to pick me up at my house. I told her that I wanted this to be discrete, and did not want any Sheriff cars on my block.

It took me a while to pack up some clothes, feed the dog, and then make a few phone calls to cancel some appointments because I thought for sure I was going to end up inpatient in the psych unit again.

When I left the house, I called my Pdoc's office and informed them that I was just leaving my driveway and that it would take at least 20 minutes to reach the hospital. They said that was fine and were glad that I checked in with them.

I did everything right!

On my last visit to my Internist, I was told I had become diabetic, and my doctor got me an authorization to see a dietitian. One of the calls I made was to the scheduling desk to cancel the appointment for the dietitian. Right after that I received a call from the dietitian who sounded irritated and asked me why I cancelled. I told her that I had had SI feelings, and that I was going to the ER, and when I was discharged from the hospital I would call back to reschedule.

This stupid dietitian, interpreted what I said as, "I am cancelling my appointment because I am going to kill myself right now." Idiot!!!! Then she immediately called my Internist and told her that.

My Internist tried calling my house phone. I did not answer because I was driving to the ER. My cell phone sound was off, so I did not hear it ring when she called the cell. To her my not answering my phones meant I was alone in my house making a suicide attempt.

Now, I gave my Internist the name and phone number of my psychiatrist and signed release forms and told her that I wanted my doctors to talk to each other. Did she do as I asked? NO! My doctor, whom I have always liked and respected, did not respect me. She immediately called 911, and the entire police force in our city went, sirens blowing to my block. They went door to door to see if I was at a neighbor's house and asked if anyone had seen me. They also asked everyone what make and model car I drive. They went into my back yard and left the gate open, so my escape artist dog got out and ran down the street. People gathered in the street, and were all abuzz about why I was wanted by the police! Some of my neighbors thought I had been kidnapped. The city's Sheriff Dept. made a zoo of my neighborhood, and has made it impossible for me to show my face outside.

My Internist also called my husband who was volunteering his time to photograph a city charity golf tournament. Upset, he raced home and was interrogated by the cops.

Thank goodness I was not there to see the scene. I would have been hauled away in the police car in front of all my neighbors, who would have assumed by that time that I was now a criminal!

I did all the right things! While that whole fiasco was going on, I was in a bed in the ER, getting three hours rest. Then I was discharged to go home, because I was so calm after having that rest, and I was no longer having SI intrusive thoughts.

No one would have been the wiser about my situation, if the crazy dietitian had actually listened to what I told her. My very conservative neighborhood would not have turned into an uproar, if my Internist had check with my psychiatrist about my mental health status. My Pdoc would have told her I was at the local hospital ER.

Some people are just plain stupid, and act without thinking. Now I have to try to dodge my neighbors who are phoning and ringing my doorbell to get the scoop on why I was missing and being hunted down like an animal.

I still cannot believe this all happened! It's an outrage. I will never be able to trust my Internist again. And the dietitian can wait until hell freezes over before I call back to make an appointment!

I just had to rant about this. I am just beside myself with anger.

[catastrophic]

Huge big hugs xox

That sounds hoffic!

But what I really want to say to you is how amazing you are that you took care of yourself and got yourself to the ER. Xox

[Curiosity77]

That's terrible! How awful to come back from ER and find out this happened. I'm glad you are ok.

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[Dix888]

Fire the dietician. You did everything right. Absolutely! You need to surround yourself with rational, supportive professionals. Not fly off the handle type people. Good for you doing what you needed to do to help yourself