don't f'n have time for this

Hopefully whatever AP i get,we all know I'm getting one, will make me sleepy at first. I'm hoping my new AD I can take at night. Its so stinkin' hard to keep a schedule. I still doubt that they'll keep me unless it's T as my intake. She'd keep me to prove it isn't scary. She worried about me moving. I told my son that I need to get a new pdoc and the overnight pdoc maybe the only one I can see. If so I'd have to spend the night. I have my CBT book & stuff to color with so boredom won't be an issue. My husband has been sulking the last 2 hrs saying I'm fine.

Lamictal has a 14 hr half life so after 3 days w/o it you have to start again. I tried the lamictal and gaged it up twice before switching to the chewable. I wish it was easier to get the proper Rx so you can take it all meds should be circle shaped! Honestly for the past 3 years I haven't had an issue that if I wanted a med change I'd just call say what I wanted and why and I'd just pick it up. This time I got scared, couldn't get ahold of anyone, tried to starve out the manic episode and got myself here but everyone on PC seem to know months ago.

"I'll need samples if I stay on abilify but I don't want to because I'm convinced its making me gain weight."

Stability or weight gain until you can figure your doctor situation....hmm....I guess if it were my, I'd put up with weight gain until I could figure out the doc issue, then work on losing weight when after figuring out my meds.

But that's just me.'

Stopping and starting lamictal is dangerous, regardless of the half life. By 3 days in you have zero in your blood (14x5)/24 = 2.9 days

So when you stop and start after more than a day it's taking a risk of the rash. Plus stopping and starting lamictal, wellbutrin and others just won't be effective. Meds are timed to keep a steady amount in your blood without too many peaks and valleys.

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So I went at 8 am awesome receptionist told me my pdoc wasn't there and that he doesn't work in the other office anymore so the umteen messages I have sent him he has never got. That he's only in our office 1x a week and I won't get a transfer to a new pdoc until July. That she could ask for refills for me. I told her no that I needed a med change. I said I was willing to wait until a no show from any pdoc. She asked what's up I handed her the note

After reading it she called CU. Then came back and told me I didn't qualify for CU but they suggested php. CU didn't assess me or even look at my file! So I waited until 3 for a "no-show" and I know awesome receptionist really tried to get someone because she wouldn't let me out of her sight. Out of 5 other psy. No one had a no show, really? What if I was suicidal but didn't want to tell her?

I try to take the lamictal every other day but at this point I feel like going **** it I'm better without the meds than all this BS. The fact is you guys worked your *** off to try and get me to even go above calling and go into CU the scariest place on earth to me. I view it as prison. The crap I've done to stay out of IP as a kid would disturb people. But I sucked it up told myself to be an adult and NO ONE would ****ing talk to me. I couldn't even talk to my therapist because she wasn't there today.

Don't give up...things can get frustrating, but don't give up...things happen for a reason....you gotta trust things will work out for the best and they usually do.

Not much actionable help there, but....

Please don't give up, you have done the hardest bit you went in there xox that was incredible brave and proves that you don't want to feel this way you want to live. So let's not give up hey.

What happen in he he end, did she give you an appointment for a psych? What is PHP? Is that an option

Thinking of you xox

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He's all booked until he leaves. Quite honestly I thought he no longer worked there because this is so out of the ordinary. So not only won't they schedule me with him, they refuse to schedule me with anyone else until he leaves. Meaning I'll have already left the state before I see my new pdoc. If I don't get new meds by tomorrow there's no point because my insurance will only pay for 30 days and anytime after tomorrow I'll be out of state leaving me 3+ weeks short of meds.

PHP is partial hospitalization program not only do I not have the time or money for that it's suspected that I'll regress in the things I'm willing to talk about with my T.

I just wish I never tried. Not only didn't I get help but now everyone knows I'm having med issues. This is the worst then getting more help than you need.

Don't give up. Surely someone can help you?

Solution:

Call the med line today asking for 15 mg abilify as a mono therapy. Yes I know it makes me fat but maybe I can convince myself that's a lie. Anyway I would only have to convince myself every third day. Plus it doesn't have a titration period so if I have to restart it its okay. Plus I can ask for samples they have tons there. So getting a month or twos worth of samples should no problem.

So Thursday: I go to the clinic get a change of pdoc form, wait for him to see me, have him tell me why this is a horrible idea, take his solution and have him fill out the change of pdoc form so I can get an appointment with a new pdoc before I leave. So the new pdoc could see me 3.5 weeks after I start abilify. Also because my gp is in the same building I can get weighed before I start and at the 3.5 wk mark to its all in my head.

This way I am on something and it'll help my paranoia and agitation without making me tired. So my husband doesn't have to deal with threats of divorce, arguments, and I don't have to worry about horendious moods, ED and self mutilation for prettiness sake while with my parents.

Then when I move I can deal with stabilization there. Good idea? Any other solutions?

Yeah get.... something to calm you down for the now. Nothing is gonna screw you horribly and irreversibly in mere month. And please use your skills heavily, as much as you can.

Once you are moved, a supervised withdrawal and starting over might be a good idea. Seems your coctail never properly worked in the first place and you messed with it so much there is no way to tell what is actually working and what is not. Fresh start could help there... ONCE you are moved and settled.

The scary thing is, to others not me, lamictal has been the only mood stabilizer that has touched my moods but pdoc doesn't want me over 150 mg. He threatens lithium if I mess with my meds. So he's not going to be thrilled about this. Its the anti depressants that are hard for me. I think one of the hardest things is to learn what psychosis is as 3 years ago they couldn't even get me to understand the meaning of it.

I think I'm still a bit hypomanic though.

Tomorrow, morning I am going back and having to do an intake again with my son because they closed his case when he stopped seeing his t. Not realizing he'd need med refills through sept.

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I'm going to try to see my pdoc and have him fill in the change of pdoc form.

Finally saw pdoc today. He gave me desolvable lamictal and restarted me on viibryd. He said abilify and viibryd are similar but viibryd has an AD in it. He wanted to add a benzo but I said no and he wants me to take seroquel. Until I'm sleeping @ 11 pm until morning.

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So I get to the pharmacy and the lamictal wasn't chewable and the viibryd had to be pre-authorized. So we went back and he's going to have it done today or early tomorrow. He also gave me an extra starter pack for traveling.

That's a great outcome xox

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Oh, I didn't tell you why he never answered. He was on FMLA because his wife had to go back to school the day she was released from the hospital some type of visa situation. Now he works 1 half day a week . The person who was suppose to take over for him was suppose to start 2 month ago for a clean transition but got delayed but no one would say anything, rightfully so but come on. They really need a psych nurse who just takes days pdocs are absent, write scripts and assess emergency's. Anyway at least its worked out well.

I hope your new pdoc is way more responsible. It's not OK to take anyone else's meds--they need them. Can you possibly get onto Medicare? I am on that program & the meds are MUCH cheaper. I take Depakote, Seroquel, Gabapentin & the total per month is about $8. I also take xanax which is the Only thing that quells my extreme OCD. That I have to pay for on my own, Medicare won't cover it. So that's $12 each month. Do-Able. I'm so sorry you are going through all this!!

I have medicaid but I'll be out of state for 2 months so I'll have to pay out of pocket. Meaning I have to find $300 a month until I completely move. Because my son and I Share the same mg lamictal but he can swallow the shield shape and I can't. As far as the abilify I wasn't taking away from anyone it was samples. I don't feel this issue was pdoc but the center. I had been calling a place that he no longer worked but they didn't say anything. He's not even suppose to be there anymore but his replacement didn't start yet.

So, I saw T today 2nd to last time She's going to file a complaint. We talked about the different between acute care and hospitalization. I restarted my viibryd and got my lamictal so I've been getting better I'm taking the seroquel for the next 3 days then I'm going to try off the seroquel.

But I still want to hurt myself and I swear my husbands perpously getting me mad so I'll divorce him.