[Skitz13]

Today I was to go for a walk with my daughter, to get me out. It's a walk I always enjoy. There's a street that goes on forever with all these great little shops and it's close to the water. The beach is where I've always spent my time when I was well.

I've not been sleeping well but the last two nights I've gotten 5 hours total. Just two hours last night. When she asked I said yes out of obligation and really didn't want to go.

So I sat here and stewed for awhile and eventually text her and said I couldn't do it, that I was just too tired and wanted to sleep. Which wasn't an excuse. I'm sooo exhausted and I know we aren't suppose to get tired out.

I feel horrible about flopping on her. She was upset, I tried to take it back and I said I'd go but she told me not to worry about it. I suggested that she come over tomorrow but she won't now. I probably won't hear from her for a few days now

I just cried afterward. So lonely but don't want to be around anyone. The days and nights are so long.

I'm just here. I'm told I have to just ride through it and most times I can accept that, then there are other times like now that It almost feels impossible

I've been to the doc, going to my T appts and taking my meds but it just seems that, although not so intense this mixed feeling lingers. yesterday was not a great day but after talking to a friend for quite awhile I felt better. It was a distraction, she helped. Then I'm back into it today. maybe it's just this whole sleep deprivation thing.

[Trippin2.0]

She probably won't talk to you for a few days because you were too tired to go on your walk together??? That's terrible!!!

You have nothing to feel guilty about, nobody can physically will themselves to be untired.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, life is hard enough as is.

[wildflowerchild25]

I agree with trippin (as per usual ). It's hard to not feel so guilty, especially when depression or mixed is trying to tie you down, but do try to shoo the negativity away. I am in a similar position and finding it hard to get things done at work but I'm trying to practice more self-care and less self-guilt. It's difficult for sure.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

She probably won't talk to you for a few days because you were too tired to go on your walk together??? That's terrible!!!

You have nothing to feel guilty about, nobody can physically will themselves to be untired.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, life is hard enough as is.

She has BP as well. She's well controlled. I don't complain or even mention the way I feel, although she knows it's been rough. Whenever she has had her own episodes and had lots of appts. I was very supportive and would always ask how her appts went and so on.
Out of anybody, I thought she'd at least have a little compassion and understanding.
She never asks me how I'm doing, how my appts have been, nothing.

It's hard to find any support whether they get it or not. She's visiting her Dad right now which is a 7 minute walk from here and I asked if she was going to stop by, she will usually go see him after a visit with me because we live so close to each other. She said no.

Why bother caring when know one else does. Some days like today I don't even no why I bother trying.

If something ever happened and I tried to kill myself, the same people who don't even give a crap would be the same people who would be down my back. It's happened before.

Just a rant I guess, not in a very good frame of mind right now. I'm really angry and sick of it all

[Hbomb0903]

It is hard when you feel so terrible. You want people to care but then you almost don't want to be around them. It's terribly confusing and like everything else with this disorder it's a contradiction. You are human and sick.
Maybe she will surprise you. Maybe you should mention that you feel she should understand? I hope that she doesn't hold it against you because you are ill.


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[Blitter2014]

Tomorrow's another day...for you and her. Cut your losses on today, give yourself a break and try again tomorrow.

I find I often just over analyze things then jump to wrong conclusions then over react..... all because I just didnt chill... and give myself or someone else the benefit of doubt/ break needed to see things clearly...

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