[littlemiss44]

My.mom is dying from cancer and I'm having a REALLY hard time. She has always been emotionally abusive towards me...not all the time but things have always had to go her way. She just verbally attacked me for just caring for her well-being. I'm trying not to take it personally but it's so hard. I know she's having a.Hard time...it's just bringing out the worst in her tho. I'm worried this situation of her abuse is going to trigger an episode as stress does that to me. Do I sound selfish? To be worried about myself? I feel like I'm taking it too personally and up to this point I've handled it very well. I.just don't know how to feel. I'm so sad that she's dying and it's harder that she's being nasty to me. How do I take care of myself during this time? I have therapy tomorrow which is good. I'm just lost in my feelings.

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[Standup2me]

Littlemiss, my mum is dying of cancer also. She was not much of a mother. I am glad that I live thousands of kilometres away, and don't have to play the loving daughter.

This whole "you must love your family" thought is total b.s. Do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy. It is not selfish, it is the best thing to do.

You need to care for yourself. A little self love is a good thing to have.
Also, right now, you are trying to divide your time between your mum, and your needs

Your needs come first

My heart is with you.

Peace to you

[Honeydew1]

My dad died of Cancer five years ago. That was a trigger for me.

My stepdad has had two strokes in two years. He fest really frustrated and can be really mean. I don't see how my mom does it.

Maybe write your mom a letter letting her know that she is hurting your feelings. I mean just bc she is dying doesn't excuse her from treating you badly. Or just write a " pretend" letter, might help you move on. Death is natural and yes, take care of you first! You will be stronger to be by her side. What's that saying, if Mommy isn't happy no one is. You need to be by her side.

There's a really good book my aunt gave me when dad was dying. It's written by two Hospice nurses, the Final Gifts. It goes through the stages of dying. Also, it may help with your concerns you're having.

Praying for you.

[littlemiss44]

Thank you honeydew what you said really helps me. You make alot of good points...just because she is dying doesn't give her the right to be mean to me. I will be the dutiful daughter and stay my her side. If she gets nasty I'll just take a break..I'm going to look for the book you suggested. It sounds like it would be helpful. Thank you for yr support.hunny.

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[littlemiss44]

Thank you standup2me. You read my mind. Why do I have to be the brunt of her abuse? She and my father are the root of my ptsd anxiety and depression. I know that the emotional abuse didn't cause me to get bp but it makes me wonder if it's possible. The incredible lack of love and emotional abuse I endured is staggering. I no longer consider myself a victim but I live with the after math every day. I'm sorry yr Mom is also dying. It sound like you have mixed feelings about it too. I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Thank you for writing me. I am determined to not let this situation tangle me and throw me into an episode. That is my biggest fear. As long as I practice good self care I should be fine. I'll pray for you too.

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[Standup2me]

The very best thing that you should do now, is to do things that calm you.
Let the calm wash over you
I love classical music, so I will put some on and just close my eyes and let myself feel it
You are not alone in this..very mixed emotions

sending you warm hugs