why does it seem...

But you have never as long as I've been reading your posts, consistently taken meds on a level that would probably do much good. From what I've seen, you take them so infrequently that they don't have the ability to build to any kind of therapeutic level for you and essentially that leaves you pretty much not on meds most of the time. Unless I've missed something, you have never really given medication a solid try because you refuse to take them except on a PRN basis for the most part or so infrequently that I'm guessing they are pretty much doing nothing.

Very few dxd folk seem comfortable hearing an unmedicated bipolar is more stable than a medicated one, without throwing thee ole "Must be less severe then" into the works...

I've heard everything from "your symptoms must be mild" to, "you must be implying that I'm weak for being medicated".

My first pdoc hospitalized me for a psychotic depression shortly after he began treating me. Hopefully that's enough evidence of my (mild?) suffering...

My medical file is documented proof that I was more unstable while medicated, for some reason (and I attribute it largely to an ill perception) I was always in and out of some type of bipolar crisis. My new (3 months) T actually pointed this out to me the other day, as he had time to read through my whole file.

He says I made the right choice to follow my instinct and go without them as according to my file I have improved drastically over the past 2 and a half years sans meds.

He has trouble reconciling the women he's been meeting weekly with the one documented in my file. Apparantly the 2 are like night and day.

If I had a pdoc like Sierra's, I wouldn't mind taking the edge off of my nasty episodes, those ones that hit every 3 or 4 months and threaten to destroy me from the inside out.
In fact! The relief would be MOST welcome.

But the unfortunate truth is, I only have access to a meds daily pdoc and obviously that has not worked out well for me in the past.

Am I stupid for ploughing through this without help? Maybe according to some people I am. But I figure I've been living with this beast lonnng before being dxd and I managed to survive it ignorantly.
So stands to reason my chances of managing now, armed with support, coping skills and knowledge, are much better than they used to be. So why the hell not give it a go, especially since meds backfired so heavily

This forum actually helps keep me off meds.
I read all these threads by people battling symptoms while religiously on their meds, so its a good reminder of my life before quitting them. Because (for me) there's absolutely no point in taking pills that will not guarantee me remission, but most certainly guarantees side effects. Some of which I can't ever live with.
If I'm gonna suffer my bipolar medicated, I may as well suffer it unmedicated.
That's my personal logic anyway.

Anywayyy its 4am and did I get off traaaack over there... lol I forgot what my initial reply was supposed to be, I should try and sleep.

People are individuals, we have different responses to stressors, we have different reactions to medications, or natural remedies, we have different environmental circumstances, we have different types of support, and yes, we even have different levels of pain tolerance.

And because we are so individual its really difficult to say why exactly what works for whom.

Me? I say do what works for you, and accept that others do what works for them.

No need to justify your choices by belittling someone else's.

Live and let live.

Ps. MM, my official answer is idk.

I consistently have taken my lamictal and viibryd for the past 3 years except for this past vacation and one more. My viibryd doesn't let me skip, think camera click sound where rows of cold I'm going to die shivers from the front of my head to through my back, side effect. I refuse an AP but viibryd has AP qualities.

That's like somebody comparing my temporal lobe spikes to a grand mal seizure. I don't take meds simply for the reason my situation doesn't require meds. Yet. Period.

I don't know as much about mood symptoms but for psychosis the latest research suggests that people who get off meds within the first two years of a break have better outcome over time even if they relapse more initially. People are more likely to have jobs, social interactions etc off meds. Harrow followed this up over 20 years and wunderink over 7 years. The problem is most psych meds were tested and approved with a six week trial....nobody ever looked at long term use to see what would happen but at least in the case of antipsychotics it's seems to be damaging and over the long term people still on the meds are more likely to experience an episode or be hospitalized while those who rebelled against the system are often in long term remission. I personally think this is due to the ability of antipsychotics to cause actual brain damage over time but also to cause cogntive issues even during short term use. Now the major caveat...the idea that psychosis or even bipolar is one entity is inherently wrong so your mileage may vary....you may do better, think clearer etc on meds...for me the meds were vital during my initial recovery but caused me to lose about 15 IQ points which came back after stopping. If I were actively psychotic I would go right back on for stabilization but I have no intention of being on the meds forever due the long term research. So short term use is good but long-term may be harmful.

You said in another thread that you only take the lamictal three times a week. That is not consistently taking it. It's that off and on again thing that makes it really impossible to tell if meds help you or not.

I've been unmedicated for 99% of my life. I have self-medicated with cannabis for a few years off and on.
I feel like I needed more, so I found a good Pdoc I am trying to see if meds work for me or not.

I am stable most of the time, with extreme mood swings that only seem to happen under severe triggers. in my life.

Basically, I can function pretty normal without meds, but if I have a really bad stressful event trigger me,... I need meds or I'll lose it.

Sorry about my post! I really didn't mean to invalidate anyone's experience. We are all trying our best, and I respect and value everyone here. I didn't mean to imply that anyone suffers more or less than anyone else. I read my post back, and it does sound very ignorant, so i'm feeling pretty ashamed. Thank you for pointing this out to me.

I would love to be on no meds, and I hope to get there at some point. I think when I wrote that I was just trying to make sense of my own experience - like when my illness was less severe I didn't need meds, but now I do. I should have written it that way, not how I did. I should not be guessing at what it's like for others. So once again, I'm very sorry.

I don't know why some do well on meds and some do better without meds. I wish I did know because then maybe I could stop mine!

Sorry. I hope the people who read my earlier post check back so they can read this apology

I wish I didn't need meds either, but I know I do and that's never going to change. My illness had too many years to get a good strong grip on me, and it's only progressed. The main reason I'm doing well now is because I'm on all these meds---granted, most of them are small doses, but I'm still dismayed at needing so many different kinds. But things could be a lot worse, and I know it, so I try not to whine too often about having to take pills to be 'normal', or at least something approximating it.

The messing with the lactal was only recently when I was messing meds and we didn't have..