[nicole.0991]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a short time after I turned 20 years old. I'll be happy, which doesn't happen too often lately, then all of a sudden, I'll feel enraged. Small things make me angry (the sound of people chewing gum, rustling plastic bags, etc) and I feel like that's all I can focus on or think about for the rest of the day. My mother has a habit of "popping" her gum and as soon as she starts, I feel like I have to leave the room in order to keep calm and, yes, I have unintentionally lashed out because of it before.

I hardly ever cry because in my opinion, crying is a sign of weakness. However, this often makes my depression phases worse because my sadness often turns into anger as a result. When I'm depressed, I feel like a totally different person... kind of in a "I know who I am in reality, but that's not who I am at the moment" way. It honestly scares me because I feel completely out of control of who I am.

I feel as if this disorder is ruining my life. My psychiatrist was very vague when angering my questions, so I feel like this forum is my last hope. After describing how I've been feeling, I suppose my main questions are 1) why do little things aggravate me so intensely, 2) how can I control my anger better, and 3) is there a possibility of some sort of personality disorder?

[glok]

Hello, Newly Joined. Welcome to the Community. Please consider printing a copy of your post for your psychiatrist. Do not suffer in silence. Ask him to help you understand what is going on and if changes need to be made in the treatment plan. Be you own best advocate.

An Introduction to Bipolar Disorder | Psych Central
Bipolar disorder Definition - Diseases and Conditions - Mayo Clinic

[cargar]

Hi Nicole,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling lost. It sounds as if you can't talk to your mother about your feelings of helplessness. My son who is a bit younger than you is also bi-polar and held in his feeling for 6 months before finally admitting he was struggling. Once he was able to talk with me (and his therapist that we found for him) he was far less stressed. I won't lie, he isn't by any means "better" but at least he knows he doesn't have to pretend when he's feeling bad which relieves a lot of his anxiety.

I can't tell you how important it is for you to find someone you are able to talk with openly, if not a family member than your therapist. If you are unhappy with your therapist I urge you to not give up hope and try and find someone you could connect with more fully. You might also want to consider talking to a psychiatrist to discuss if medication might be able to help you cope better. It isn't an easy choice to make but ultimately you want to be able to feel like you can take control of your disorder instead of the other way around and medication might be able to help you with that.

Best of luck and I hope you find what you need here.

Cargar

[wildflowerchild25]

I must agree, if you are not in therapy that is a great place to start. My anger is what drive me to seek a diagnosis in the first place. I hated being so mean to my husband and being so impatient with my son. It's still one of the worst qualities of this condition for me.

It sounds as though when you are in a mood state, depression or possibly mixed, you get overstimulated easily, especially by sounds. I have found for me that taking a break and sitting in total silence (maybe with some white noise like a fan) for awhile helps take down the stimulation. It calms my racing thoughts too, especially if I take the chance to focus on breathing. Then I'm ready to go back into the stimulating world. It's not always an option to take as long as I really need but even if I just take a couple of minutes it usually helps for a bit.

I would also tell you to start reading about this condition if you haven't already. There are good book suggestions in the book thread and lots of information on the psych central website.

Also hang around here, see if you can find some stuff you relate to.

Are you on any medication? Medication might be able to help as well I that's something you'd like to try.

And by the way I'm just assuming you're new to this dx, if you're not and you know all this already then I apologize lol you can tell me to shut up :-)

[bipolar gemini]

so im in the process of trying to find a new psychologist, someone i feel comfortable with, that i can trust to help me sort out the right type of meds. went to a creepy old man that made me feel violated and uncomfortable, so trying to find a female doc now. my body knows im not on the right combination of meds, i can feel it. and its exhausting trying a new med, getting off that med, trying another, getting off that one, only to repeat the process again and again with new and annoying side effects each time. im not giving up the search, but it feels overwhelming and like i'll never find the right balance.
Feeling frustrated and down

[Sad&Bipolar]

All the questions you are asking sound like good topics to discuss with a therapist. A doctor usually only does medication management. Having a good therapist can make a big difference. What you describe are all symptoms of Bipolar, and you can work on them to get them under control. It takes time and patience.

Don't assume you have a personality disorder. If you did, you probably would already have had that diagnosis. Please do not stress yourself further thinking you have more than one illness.

Be patient with yourself. Forgive yourself for getting angry so easily. Anger management is one of the issues that can be addressed in therapy successfully.

I have the same symptoms, getting easily irritated, aggravated, or very angry. It is common for those with Bipolar to have these symptoms.