My sister is driving me crazy!

She constantly leaves the stove on, after setting flammable objects on it, tries to talk me out of taking my meds (because she's not on any and she's "fine"), lets my indoor only cat out because she can't remember to close a damn door, etc. She won't take responsibility for ANY of her actions! The last time she was here, she left my favorite glass mixing bowl on the stove and then accidentally turned the burner she set it on to full heat! It exploded, and she blamed ME for it! This time she told me I should put my cat on a leash because then he wouldn't get out all the time, saying I'm unreasonable for not letting him out! I reminded her that she's the ONLY person who's ever let him out! She smokes in our garage. After being told not to thousands of times. My daughter and I are asthmatic, and I quit smoking (OUTSIDE). she's constantly breaking things, getting so wasted she doesn't know where she is...

Any coping strategies?? I love her but I'm about to wring her damn neck! Or at least that's how I feel...

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All of those reasons would drive me crazy - if someone let my indoor cats out - grrrrrrrr

I feel you. My mother is very similar and cannot be reasoned with.

Honestly, the only coping strategies I know of are distracting yourself and spending as little time around her as possible. Also - and I know this is hard, trust me - try to calmly get her to see your side of things. I am finally able to approach my mother this way now that we don't see each other too often and that I'm on meds. I try to carefully and calmly get her to see my side of things. She often tells me I should just "get over" my mental health issues, and it used to piss me off right away, but now I remind her that when she tells me that it makes me feel small because I try every day to get better. I tell her that telling someone to get over a mental illness is like telling someone with a broken leg to walk it off. And that one of the major roads that will lead to my success involves her being understanding and helpful. Remind your sister that just because she is doing well without meds doesn't mean that you would, and remind her (if you can, I'm not sure of your situation) how much worse you were without them. Needing meds is not a bad thing and has helped so many people. Ask (politely) if she wants you to be happy and get better, and if she does, then she needs to be supportive of you and understand that meds help with your condition.

As for the door bit, I would post a vaguely obnoxious note on the door to remind her. Then again, she might be a teenager, and teenagers are pretty hopeless and often narrow-minded - I was!

Just remember, the more you snap at her, the more you're showing to her that she is above you and the more likely she is to be careless. If you manage to be pleasant during most of your conversations (not saying that you're not, but just in case), then she'll have to listen to you because she won't feel like you're "attacking" her. I felt the same way.

Leaving notes on the stove might help, too.

Good luck.

Unfortunately, talking will not get me anywhere with her. She is also bipolar (and OCD) and has been self medicating with alcohol, pot, and other drugs for years. She's in her early twenties and is VERY opinionated. She also lives here, along with me, my daughter, my brother and my mother. We are all crammed into a small three bedroom house. My sister and I share the living room. I can't really get away from anyone here. In fact, I can barely pee and don't get much sleep since she never sleeps. She is best friends with my daughter's dad and her stepmother, which adds another layer of ********. She once stole my daughter's adderall because she didn't want her on it. There is no reasoning with her. She was once diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder and I can see why as anything she's told to do she WILL NOT do. She'll do the opposite, almost predictably. I try so hard to be pleasant with her but she has a chip on her shoulder and will start a fight over a gently offered suggestion. At this point, I just try to remember the things I love about her, especially since the way she lives her life we could easily find her dead... She is most certainly NOT fine. She is a trainwreck who is a hazard to herself and those around her, but I love her anyway.

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Your house. Your rules. Period. I'm sure you love your sister but if I were in your shoes her butt would be out that door if she keeps up with her ways. It sounds to me like you're the one doing her a favor by letting her stay. If she's doing so well by not being on medication then is she not able to support herself and get her own place? Me personally I take behavior like that beyond personally and I'd kick her the heck out. Don't let her denial about her condition harm you and your child. Sorry if my message appeared bossy or harsh but I cannot stand when people act like how you described. Really gets me going.

I'm so sorry. Yr dealing with a person who sounds like they are also narssasic. They are almost impossible to deal with. She seems like she is impossible to change. I agree with flummixed. She needs to leave yr house. She is deliberately trying to hurt you by the cat thing, the stove and ruining ur things and hurting you emotionally. And budding into yr parenting of yr daughter. You sounds unreasonable. No matter what you say she'll come up with the opposite reaction. Try the broken record approach...have you heard of it? You repeat yourself when confronted with a problem. For example with your meds. When she brings it up say I understand you think I don't needs meds but they work for me. Then when she makes a comeback comment just repeat yourself. Saying similar comment back to her...I understand you don't think I need meds but they work for me. Do it as many times as you have to till she'll back off. She eventually will. Do the same approach when she always lets yr cat out. Say please be mindful that my cat is an indoor animal sui please make sure and close the door. When you use this approach make sure you don't say things that will make her defensive. Avoid you statements. I hope this helps. Good luck! Hugs

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I didn't mean you sound unreasonable...I meant she is NOT you. My goofy phone. Sorry

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I wish I was my house... Then a lot of things would be different. Its our mother's house. She can't support herself and neither can I. I do pay rent here (she does not), but if that gave me any say in things, I wouldn't be sleeping on a couch... I think she tries, but fails and feels bad and blames others to make herself feel better, but I'm not really sure. We try using positive statements like please shut the door, but sometimes even that won't work and since she only sleeps a few hours a night, it's not like we can babysit her... I do think she tries though. I think she's just young and misguided.

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My sister went out of town and will be gone for a few weeks but I know this'll start all over again as soon as she comes back... I'm trying to help her get her **** together so she can move into her own place, but I honestly fear for her... I could see her setting her place on fire by accident. What do you do with someone who so clearly needs help but refuses to get it?? She drives my mother nuts too...

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Maybe try and encourage her...ask.her about her life plans. Does she have any motivation to get her own place? Does she have a job? Tell her yr worried about her. Maybe come at her with love and concern. Maybe she'll respond to that? I'm sure you've probably tried that already. Yr.in a tough spot hunny. I'm sorry

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Her out of town plans fell through and she'll be here a bit longer...

She does want her own place, and her own car, but doesn't have a job. I'm trying to get her into school but fine myself doing the entire process for her. I don't mind too much, but her constant chaos affects my mother, daughter and myself... She can be terribly overwhelming, and we can't keep up with her messes... Nobody is getting any sleep, and we all already have sleep problems...
I do love her and I am concerned. I try to make sure it comes across that way. I'm afraid if she moves out she'll set her place on fire or something. I (we really) just feel like she rolls in and turns everything upside down, makes a huge mess, and leaves it and all the fallout up to us. She's a true charmer, so she gets away with everything... She is a LOT of fun, when she's not being completely destructive... I just don't know how to not lose it with here on occasion. We're in such tight quarters here...

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