Looking for some answers and support...

Brace yourself. This is my story and it may be long but I will try to consolidate where I can. Lol

I have depression, OCD and generalized anxiety disorder. It's been a very large part of my life since I was 11 with little to no support. I got made fun of in grade school. I was involved in provocative behavior and excessive drinking during my late teenage years. Only in my adult life have I come to terms with being open about my disorders. I have found that being up front is better than people thinking you're weird.

Anyway, I have struggled with it all waaaay before meeting my husband (who comes with his own set of emotional problems). However, I fell into a deep depression after getting married. 2 months into our marriage my husband confessed that he wasn't happy, he didn't want to be married. Soon after, he decided to join the military.

Next thing I know he was gone and I was alone. I was having panic attacks every day and lost my job. We moved overseas for his duty assignment and I got pregnant, 3500 miles away from everyone and everything I've ever known. He received deployment orders and I then had to deal with the fact that he was leaving again. Leading up to deployment, we were not good to each other. I would lay in bed at night and cry because I didn't want to wake up in the morning. I felt alone and scared while he was talking to other women online and distant. I found out about the women and threatened to leave but didn't. It wasn't the first time (and not the last) that he had cheated (emotionally, but really what's the difference?). He left when I was 7.5 months pregnant for Afghanistan. To watch him leave and not know if he was coming back alive or in a box, that was the hardest day of my life.

Next thing I knew it was time to have my son. My husband was supposed to be on the phone from Afghanistan but of course, wasn't. Once again I was alone. The following months were consumed with the baby, which I absolutely loved. I had a sense of purpose.

When my husband came home that all began to shift. The unhappiness started filtering back in. He had PTSD and suffered from a TBI. He got treatment to an extent (the military complicates things, I'll be nice and leave it at that) but didn't receive the thorough treatment I believed he needed. He came back with a sense of entitlement that through a wrench in our already unstable relationship. He was an amazing father and I still loved him, I just didn't always feel loved in return. I began feeling more and more resentful of the things he had and continued to put me through, and how after all I had been through for him it still wasn't enough. I would get so angry at things, so incredibly sad and depressed. I literally felt worthless and hopeless like I was nothing, and no one was there to tell me otherwise. That's when the medicine quit working almost entirely.

In the last year and a half, I have been on 5 different medications with no luck. I have been in 6.5 months of individual and couples therapy. My doctor had asked once if I had only ever been diagnosed with anxiety, OCD and depression. That led me to think that there could possibly be something else going on. Through my research I found out about Bipolar II. I never knew there were different kinds. When I started reading about Bipolar II, everything started to fall into place. I felt that sense of relief that I finally had figured it out. I am not clinically diagnosed, as we're in between insurance coverages at the moment, but will soon be going to my doctor. My life has been insanely stressful lately and I can feel myself slipping again. I joined this group because I need support and empathy from people who have been through this, who suffer from it too. I know I am only beginning my journey through this particular disorder but I hope to make some friends and find lots of support along the way.

Welcome, any questions you have just ask. My husband was originally dx'd depression, OCD, w anger issues, until we couldn't hide his manias. We didn't know it was mania because mine are much more intense but he felt 100% better after adding a mood stabilizer.

Hey Girl!

Welcome! You will find lots of support and caring here. Don't let the numbers bother you-most of the people who look and don't answer are mostly non-members.

Congratulations on being pro-active in your own health care. A diagnoses in mental health is a tricky thing because so many symptom echo other symptoms. And if you are feeling the stress of an unhappy relationship and
military life, no wonder you are freaking out a little. And you have a little one on top of everything else.

But it sounds like you are preceeding on the exact right path. See your doctor and be honest with them so they may treat you accordingly. It may take more than one or two tries to get your medication right, but hang in there.

I'm also a vet, fighting for my benefits and I know how difficult it can be on the family as well as the service member. In the meantime try to find things that calm you. Music, meditation, exercise. Try not to react to your husband's lack of support. Just count off the days until you can get the help you are wise enough to recognize that you need right now.

Feel free to pm me. We care what happens to you. Tea