psychosis? upset by Dr

Zyprexa and quetiapine are both good meds, but zyprexa will work a little quicker. There are other choices as well.

That's good that you are staying in control and not drawing on the hotel walls or acting violently. If it's hard to talk to your doctor you could try printing this thread and bringing it to them. Others on this forum have done that, and it seems helpful.

Keep posting to let us know how you are doing,

I hope you get help. You've been given sound advice, please heed it!

oh, sounds good. may be i can do that
zyprexa does work better for me...
2 days over... 4 plus more days to go
mind telling me how you got into this field of work when you are/were unwell?

thanks
just trying to take it day by day...
counting down before home :\

I have had symptoms of bipolar since i was about 10, but i am high functioning, so i've almost always been able to work or go to school. I had to take a couple years off around 19-20 because i was unwell, and i was off work 6 months a couple years ago when i was 35 because i was unwell. Other than that i've only need to take a week or so off occasionally, and i've otherwise been ok. When i have an episode i get very unwell, and i do dangerous things, but when i'm well i don't think my symptoms show very much. I usually have some mild to moderate symptoms, but i am good at my job and i am able to focus on helping other people. I think my experiences make me more empathic, especially because i know what it's like to have an involuntary hospitalization. I told the medical director at work, who is a psychiatrist, and a couple of my coworkers, so people know in case things get bad, and i have a disability case manager through work who checks in with me every 3 months. University was hard because of the stress, but i got a masters degree, so i am very fortunate. I love my job. I believe recovery is possible, and people with mental illnesses can lead full and meaningful lives. Basically i consider myself lucky that i have been able to do a lot of cool things despite my illness. Not everybody is able to, and that's ok. I am just lucky and also very stubborn, so i don't want to let bipolar win. So that's how i did it, and only time will tell how long i can maintain it, but i am hoping the worst parts are behind me.

How are you doing today?

I hope you have better days ahead of you. you deserve it
when i am not psychotic, it's mostly when i am focus on food. Though they classified me as AN, i b/p food. When i am eating, i dun hv to think about anything. That's when psychosis is still 'controlled' by a part of me. I did hv worst episode before when i won't eat for days coz ppl are watching me everywhere in the air and outside windows. my parents brought me to ER then.
But this is the first time I feel uncontrollably violent, so i don't really understand. Today i am meeting with old friends who would be shocked to see how much i changed since going back to my home country. Physical mainly - more than 10 kg diff.
i was only diagnosed bipolar at 18. at 17 it was depression. my parents didn't notice or were in denial when i was younger. I felt fat since a child, started dieting at 11, suicidal at 12. Up and down. Until i was cutting really bad at 17 and purging too, then they saw a problem in me. They thought it'll be a phase, i can get over it. since I always do well in everything, so I should be able to overcome it.
i am sensitive to sounds and noise today. like they reverberate afterwards.

I had a similar experience while traveling in Europe 11 years ago and came home to find out I was having a psychotic episode caused by Bipolar. I have been on resperidone and now am on Invega since then. My Dr. wants me to go on lithium and cut my Invega in half so I can be a faster worker so I can keep a job. I do not want to take lithium and am anxious about cutting the Invega by half. I think the medicine helps me but I understand your reluctance to go on medication. I find that when I go off the Invega I become more irritable and fearful of having an episode. I'm working on educating myself about BP disorder (It's taken me a long time to take the diagnosis seriously). I'm hoping that learning more about the disorder will give me tools to have a better life. Good luck.

Sounds like you've had a rough go. I hope things improve for you soon. The thing about bipolar is it's always changing, so you won't feel the way you do now forever. Just try to ride it out.

I am wondering if I am bipolar actually
Sometimes, like this period, i dun hv mood issues together with psychosis. It's just plain psychotic stuff. As for mood changes, I did experience depression in the past and some symptoms of mania/hypomania like getting energetic and feel like spending loads of money, though i knew my limit.
How is schizoaffective diagnosed?

Psychosis in bipolar disorder only occurs at extremes of mood, so only during a manic or depressed episode. There is no psychosis when mood is normal.

In Schizoaffective disorder there are mood fluctuations, but the psychosis is present even when mood is normal.

Schizophrenia can sometimes include mood symptoms, but they are not a defining feature, they are more secondary and psychosis is the prominent symptom.

I have bipolar disorder with psychotic features also. Yes my psychosis comes with out the mood swings. When I go into psychosis I live in my own reality I hear a voice I think is God and I have delusions to an extent. I definately believe it is real. The last psychosis I thought I was the second coming of Jesus. When the psychosis broke I was so depressed I hospitized myself. That is when I got diagnosed.
I take meds because it's the only way to remain stable. To tell you the truth you couldn't pay me to quit taking them. In the beginning it was hard I suffered a lack of creativity and felt like I had no emotions. Plus going on them meant living in the reality with everyone else where I had to look at all the damage I had done due to my mental illness.
I learned to forgive myself because I realized I was born with it and I didn't ask for it that's for sure. Now I have emotions but I am used to not having bad mood swings and not going off into lala land.
Staying on the meds long enough to let them do their job and bare with it as I faced everything was the key.
I now enjoy my new life. I mean new I don't go through mood swings. I am consistant. For the first time in my life I don't change my mind about what I want all the time. I still have good and bad times but the managable.
Oh and huge! I have control of my spending, and I can control my instant gratification impulses when I couldn't before.
Anyway I got a little long winded but there it is. I hope that may help you.

My last post I hadn't read your following posts. I would definately seek help right away. It is better to go to the hospital voluntarily than end up in the hospital for the criminally insane where you may not get out or not for a long long time. I had homicidal thoughts once from a change in meds so I immediately demanded he changed meds and refused to take that one. I take 200 mg of seroquel which quitelpine is the generic of and 200 mg of lamictal. Seroquel is for the psychosis and lamictal is for the bipolar mood swings. I work full time in the mental health field also. I really recommend immediate action. What I said wasn't to scare you but often we don't seem to truly think of our consequences until it's too late. Please get help immediately.

thanks for your information
i hv a few more days before going back to my home country
it's stressful at times to be out on the street because the thoughts will be really overwhelming and i really want to act on it. but at the same time, i get distracted by new things i see so i am less occupied by the thoughts
it has never been easy for me to take on med for long period. As soon as i feel better or after discharge, i don't want to take them anymore. They do make me feel like a zombie and i can't think properly for my school work and I need to sleep a lot which means class in the morning is like impossible. I used to take Topamax because I don't really feel the side-effect. but i read about forgetfulness and the last thing i want for my study is that, so I feel a little resistance. plus it's too mild. wish i don't have ED, then i wouldn't care about my body and size so much that i don't wan anti-psychotic med

the last time I had psychosis and hospitalised, i asked about the specific illness that i have. My dr was like 'does the name matter so much to you that all you care is that? does bipolar or schizoaffective matter? knowing what you have is all you want to get out of being hospitalised?' I was so hurt and offended by her. Why can't i know what i have? I should have the right to know. I replied that I was just interested and we moved on and never talked about it anymore. The discharge sheet says bipolar, not changed. My dr never directly told me any of her diagnosis. I only learn about them from after inpatient and discharge.

What's wrong with my head? I saw an advertisement online about new set of colourful knives and my instant thought is I can get a set for stabbing people. No, I can't do it...

Hi optimistic!
It sounds like your not hearing what others are saying. If you truly are fighting hurting or killing others including your dog not taking the meds shouldn't even be an option. Side effects such as being tired should not be the concern. The concern should be about how your action will affect others. Don't focus on the act of killing someone think about how much suffering you will create in other people's lives. Your risking hurting alot more than one person. Families would be devastated and some may never get over it.
When I have been in psychosis people can't get through to me because it is so real. If you don't tell your doctor or admit yourself and you get these strong feelings while in the psychotic episodes you said you experience the results could be catastrophic.
I am not going to say any more but I truly hope you hear and understand the risks you are taking.

I hope you're doing okay.

I would really recommend going back to inpatient, maybe getting a different doctor. Inpatient therapy would be a safe place for you to be, and would keep others safe, too.

optimistic_dolphin why haven't you told anyone you trust?

Thanks
I heard what everyone is saying. I think i heard. Maybe it's my state of mind right now that makes me detached from this world, so the threat looks unreal to me. I never think i will do it, though a part of me is scared i will. I met up with my old psychologist today just for a chat. She also said i should tell my dr as soon as i get back. I ask myself if i am in denial. Why i don't feel like I am? I will get help asap.