[buffieann]

My son was diagnosed with early onset bipolar disorder at the age of 7 he's now 11 years old. Just a few years after that I was diagnosed with it as well. From the beginning my son and I had always had a special connection and now that bond is even stronger. I've always been his protector and the one he runs to when he's upset. He knows that I have bipolar and it gives him comfort knowing he's not alone. The problem being is that he also knows how to use that to his advantage. This causes constant friction between my husband and I. Although he is very supportive and tries to understand he still thinks if you try hard enough you can control your emotions. So I end up constantly defending my son. In my son's case it is his anger. He is extremely hard on himself and always has to be the best at everything he does. He's a natural athlete but if he doesn't perform well, no matter what the score, he gets so angry. I can feel his pain, it breaks my heart when he comes to me crying that he doesn't want to be like this anymore, he just wants to be normal. I know exactly how he feels. Therein lies my problem. How can I be the parent he needs me to be when I'm still trying to figure it all out myself?


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[Skitz13]

I truly get it. I'm sorry this is happening to both of you. Do both of you have therapists, that sounds like where you need to start. My daughter has BP as well as myself. She would go into horrible rages. Completely destroying her room, cutting. There were times I had to call the police because she was totally unmanageable. Broke my heart.

I too have a very special bond with her. We are very tight. She's 27 now and was diagnosed at 18 but showed signs at about 11-12.

She's good now. Very stable on Latuda. She's very high functioning, has a great job, went to college, very independent and is aware of her triggers and when her mood is changing. I'm so proud of her.

It's going to be a rough road but you and your son MUST get support or it will get a lot worse before it gets beter. He's very young and it's going to be really hard for him to manage

[Skitz13]

Oh ya, I meant to mention. YOU really need a lot of support. You have a lot on your shoulders. You have so much to learn about this disorder and how it's going to effect you personally. Everyone's different.

You will need to learn how to ask for what you need because you are going to have to take care of yourself as well, without guilt.

This I know is very stressful and is such a huge trigger for a lot of people and you are going to have to learn to deal with your stress.

You can PM me anytime if you need to.

[venusss]

Although he is very supportive and tries to understand he still thinks if you try hard enough you can control your emotions.

You cannot control your emotions. But you CAN control your response and reaction to them.

[buffieann]

VenusHalley at the age of 11 you don't yet have the completely control your response and reaction. And I think it is very insensitive and mean of you to write this. I know as an adult you can train yourself to react differently. But as a child you simply haven't the maturity or the ability to always be able to control them. This is not just my opinion, many doctors and therapists have explained this to us. Your impulse control is not yet strong enough. My son has the biggest heart and he tries so hard. I can see him with his face turning red his hands in his fists and tears streaming down his face trying desperately to control the anger building up inside of him. I've seen his control get stronger over the past 4 years but he's not "there yet". That also comes with time and experience. Something that we as adults have had. So please, think before you make such a bold and critical statement. I didn't come to this forum to be criticized, I came here seeking advice from others who have been where I'm at so that I can help my son develop the tools and strength he needs to be able to live a happy healthy life.

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[buffieann]

Skitz13 thank you for the support and for opening up and sharing with me. It gives me strength hearing your story. And yes my son is in extensive therapy and medications. Unfortunately due to finances I've had to temporarily stop. But it's only temporary. He needs it more than I do right now. Thanks again for your kindness.

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[Victoria'smom]

I feel your pain. We've had to take all my son's stuff out of his room oe have him sleep in ours to protect himself. We've chosen to honeschool him to help him control his emotions as they come. One of. The best things we enacted is if you are having a bad day you take a nap and pretend it's a new day when he wakes up. Unfortunately as a boy you/he has to come up with strategies because soon the law can get involved as boys get less breaks for their behavior.

Is he in therapy and have an occupational therapist? My son did learning RX and it help imencly with controlling his symptoms.

[venusss]

VenusHalley at the age of 11 you don't yet have the completely control your response and reaction. And I think it is very insensitive and mean of you to write this.

There are ways to learn control. I work for educational company and I am translating materials for emotional education... and children as young as 6 are taught how to do so.

I thought before making such "mean" (really?) statement. It is crucial to learn to control your response and it's actually easier to do in young age rather then later, when our unhealthy behaviors are deep rooted in the brain.

this is one simple method:
Tucker Turtle technique: helping young children manage their anger - Newark Early Childhood Education | Examiner.com

[buffieann]

Yes you are right, there are ways to learn control but it takes time and maturity. And yes really I thought your statement was mean and insensitive. You can't just throw a statement out there like that without any explanation at all. I took it as a personal attack on me and my son. Highlighting my words telling me I was wrong. That I don't know my own child. Maybe that's not how you meant it, I have no idea, I know nothing about you. But if you don't have bipolar you can research it as much as you want but you still won't be able to understand it completely. You can't truly understand unless you've been there. You can help with your knowledge give us ideas and different strategies to try to help us cope. I don't doubt that you've had success in teaching children to control their responses. My son knows the techniques and strategies to use but there are times when the anger is to strong for him to control or comes to fast for him to be able to think to use what he has been taught. I'm asking you to look again at what you wrote and how you wrote it. I can't see your face only your words.

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[venusss]

But if you don't have bipolar you can research it as much as you want but you still won't be able to understand it completely. You can't truly understand unless you've been there.

I am bipolar. Where do we go from here?

Maybe it's the issue of language/culture. English is not my first language and we don't wrap everything in wool of "nicetness" here. I tend to be direct, I sometimes speak maybe too briefly... but I am not mean. I only meant what I wrote, that generally you can control your responses.

the

I took it as a personal attack on me and my son. Highlighting my words telling me I was wrong. That I don't know my own child

Did I say it? No. You put this meaning behind my words. I was in rush and wanted to reply to this thread before going out so I didn't write a disertation. I mighta assumed that everybody operates in the emotionsX behavior mode of thinking and will understand the difference. That might be a mistake. But I didn't intent to be "mean".

[buffieann]

First off you can't help the way people take things. You can see by my words above that I made sure to say that "I took it as" instead of "you made me feel" because I know that I am extremely sensitive especially when it has to do with my son and bipolar disorder. There are so many people that have judged and criticized me without having a clue about what it's like to be bipolar. Outside of my own family I've never spoken to another adult who has bipolar so I thought that talking with others in these forums would help me. I honestly was just trying to get you to see how your words affected me. It's so hard to tell exactly what a person means without seeing their face. I'm big on smiley faces and symbols to let people see a little of my emotion behind my written words. Honestly thank you for taking the time out to explain yourself to me.

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