[jryan12]

Hi everyone,

I am a 30 year old male who first began to experience the symptoms of bipolar two years ago when I was on my third overseas deployment and under considerable stress.

In September last year I was diagnosed BP I with psychotic features and I have had a number of episodes in which I have complete lack of insight into my actions and thinking. This included suggesting to a friend of my partner's that she leave her job and at my "new" company (which I'd just dreamed up). It took me days to see that this was not reasonable at all.

But up until now all of my actions have been fairly harmless. However over the last month I have been increasingly unwell due to stress of moving house and a new job and I had a short manic episode a week ago where I was "convinced" that I had great insight into Chinese foreign policy and needed to "spread the word" via an essay I composed to a think tank.

I told this to a trusted friend, but they didn't seem too concerned because I'd written a dozen pages and then given up on the idea. However it was the start of a series of impulsive actions and irrational thinking that led finally to me emailing my partner's mother four days ago and giving her a dressing down for dating a guy who is in prison and allowing her daughter, who has intellectual disabilities, to form an emotional attachment to this man because her own father is estranged.

It was a very blunt email but I had no insight that it wasn't my right or place to do this, and certainly not so harshly, and I even CC'd my partner (who is away) because I thought she would be proud of me. I had this belief that I HAD to intervene before something bad happened to my partner's sister as the inmate is getting out of prison sometime soon.

So my question is, are there any strategies that anyone knows about which work to recognise when you begin to lose insight and act in irrational, harmful ways without thinking about the outcome?

My partner "intercepted" the email and got it deleted, unread, but she is very angry even though she recognised it was written while I was manic / psychotic and she says that I should have recognised the warning signs and that I can't use my illness to justify my mistakes.

This has left me feeling as though I have committed a terrible sin that is irrepairable, even though I have never used drugs or alcohol, or been violent, or spent a huge amount of money or anything else as a result of my illness. My main symptom seems to be this compulsion to "spread the word" about threats that I believe only I have the capacity to warn everyone about.

Thank you for reading and I would appreciate any advice or insight,

James.

This is a good topic. I have trouble recognizing when i'm getting irrational, too. At my support group they recommend WRAP [Wellness Recovery Action Plan] by Mary Ellen Copeland. We have courses in it here but you can also just read the book. I don't find it suitable for me but you may like it.

[optimistic_dolphin]

i have no idea my thoughts or actions are irrational even when others tell me. it takes a while to absorb.

one suggestion is write down your main idea and share with someone you trust before acting on it

[lilypup]

When I get manic..there is a small part of me that knows I am way out of line, but it seems I am almost taken over and have no control over what I do. The best hope I have is to get to the doc for meds. I wish I could handle it better.