[MentallyIll]

Does anyone here feel like giving up? I hate this disease and what it's robbed me of. I hate the fact that I'm on medications called "anti-psychotics" and I have a severe mental illness. I am so angry about what I have done while manic and psychotic a year ago, I can't even stand the sight of myself in the mirror.
It takes all in me to brush my teeth---a 4-year-old is a more functioning member of society than I am.
Uggggggghhhhh----how do I accept that I have this debilitating disease and make peace with it? How do I care about life again and get on with living when I don't even care if I wake up? It's pretty sad when the only thing you have to look forward to is sleeping because maybe, just maybe you'll have dreams of happiness.
Please someone--tell me how to live and not to just exist with this mental illness. Please.

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, MentallyIll. Have you talked to your treatment team about what you just told us? If not, please do.

I wish you well.

[MentallyIll]

Thank you kindly. And yes, ad nauseum I've tried to explain my depression and despondency to my mental health team.

[otroo]

I know how you feel op I had the same feelings for years and it is really terrible to go through I got lucky back in April when we found the right medication to use. The only thing is I have to go back in and get then adjusted because I have been having episodes of mania again. I would suggest giving therapy a try it might help you out. I would also talk to your pdoc about trying out some new meds and if they are not willing to try out new meds then try another pdoc. Welcome here and good luck.

[optimistic_dolphin]

you don't hav to be defined by the illness
it's just a name. you are still you
theres future out there, dun giv up and keep trying

[MentallyIll]

Thanks so much you guys. I can't wait to try another combination. The Abilify and Lexapro just don't seem to be cutting it.

[lilypup]

This is no answer, but I know so many of us have been where you are. Let me give some advice on the manic guilt. Get to know someone either on here or wherever and disclose it. Once I did that, it made it so much more realistic. Holding it in for me made it huge and ridiculous. Whatever you did, someone here has done it and more.
I am coming off a severe two year depression and am in a fragile recovery state. So it does happen. The meds will help. If you are actively and faithfully working with a professional team you are doing what you need to right now. Be good to yourself. If you are having trouble brushing your teeth or showering, join us on our thread "Why we don't like to shower". You'll find good company there.

[MentallyIll]

Thank you so very much, Lilypup. This illness is such a monster. I compare living with it to being in an abusive relationship, but unfortunately, there is no escape.

[~Christina]

If your not seeing a Therapist .. find one .. A therapist can help walk you through accepting Bipolar as part of your life ..If you are seeing a T and its not really helping then its time to find a new one .

Im not sure if you are BP I or BP II .. "most BP I cant take a AD like lexapro as that can cause Mania or anger irritability ... You might want to check with your pdoc .. Maybe your current meds need to be changed but only a doctor can advise you on this.

It takes time to learn how to live with Bipolar but trust me its possible .

Welcome to PC you will find loads of support here