[bipolar gemini]

i told one long term friend about being bp, and she rejected me, we no longer talk. she was even my maid of honor at my wedding.

i don't have any other friends. i've been trying to make some new ones, but how do you say i'm bp? or do you not say it? suggestions of how you handle it??

i feel if i don't, i'm not being honest, but then on the other hand, i'm afraid they won't want to be friends if they find out im bp.

[Phoenix.]

For me, personally, I tend to tell people I consider to be my friends that I am bp pretty early on. Talking about it openly normalizes it and makes it a little less of an enormous deal to yourself and to others. I know it hurts when people you care about reject you based on stigmas...I won't try to tell you it won't or that it shouldn't. But if someone can't accept you for who you are and what you're going through, maybe they weren't the best person to have in your life in the first place? You need positive, supportive people that won't judge or upset you. Sometimes you have to cut out those poisonous people in your life and in my experience, telling someone about bp or other mental illness is the number one way to tell if they're worth your time. "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." I hope that helps. Good luck! <3

[Tucson]

I do not tell new friends about my bipolar. This is none of their business. But I will tell them later.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by bipolar gemini

i told one long term friend about being bp, and she rejected me, we no longer talk. she was even my maid of honor at my wedding.

i don't have any other friends. i've been trying to make some new ones, but how do you say i'm bp? or do you not say it? suggestions of how you handle it??

i feel if i don't, i'm not being honest, but then on the other hand, i'm afraid they won't want to be friends if they find out im bp.

I told my best friend, my friend for over 20 years.
Her response - I don't that I want to deal with a friend who is nut case.

So, now I say nothing

[TheatreKid]

I've been very lucky. I am so open about my diagnosis that during last year's frosh week at my university I made a speech to thousands of incoming first year students about my experiences as a student with bipolar disorder, about how I dropped out, and how I made it back. I'm in a combined major (music and theatre) and almost everyone in both of my programs knows - and not all because I told them, word makes it way around.

I don't mind though. People are pretty supportive. I'm lucky that I surround myself with other theatre kids and we're all a little nuts. Theatre people seem to accept things the general population doesn't. Over the six years since my diagnosis I've lost 3 close friends, all of them because I was "too much to worry about", but the last 2 of them have worked their way back into the periphery of my life.

[Trippin2.0]

Well your friend of 20yrs seems to have been an ignorant nut job.
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

You were still the very same person after telling her you had a MH dx, but she was too selfish to even consider that overly obvious angle.

Hmmm, define "new friends" for me please?

I don't tell prospective friends, I mean, people don't go around saying "Hi I'm Lia, I have Terminal Cancer, its sooo nice to meet you".

If the person is 1 half of an established friendship? You know one you hang out with on the regular, one you can and do share important things with?

Well then hellz yeah, I agree that those who matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.

I've been fortunate enough to have not lost anyone close to me due to my dx. Probably because: 1) I'm very particular about who I allow in my life, and 2) I've never (not even before being dxd) bothered to hide my crazy, so the label is just clarification I guess...

I can only answer you based on my own bitter experience with this issue. Basically, every time I have told someone about my psychopathology, I have become used toilet paper.

DO NOT TELL NEW FRIENDS ABOUT BP. Period.

Here's why:
- Even if they're the nicest and most well-intentioned people on Earth, they almost certainly fear mental illness and all people affected by it. This is most likely because of ignorance. Why does a non need to know about mental illness ?
- Even if they don't abandon you completely, you will almost automatically get put in a different category in their minds. They will no longer treat you the same way. They may stay away more, talk less, hang out less. You may be excluded from parties, whatever. Again, ignorance !

The only time I would tell someone is if:
- I don't care whether or not they leave.
- I have known them a long enough time to have the trust that they will understand and accept me. I would have to be very sure (almost certain) about this.
- They need to know ... in the impossible event that I'm about to marry someone, she needs to know.

Also, I wanted to question what you said about "not being honest". I disagree ... health issues, esp sensitive ones like mental illness, are extremely intimate personal details that need not be told to ANYONE other than your doctors. Let's say your best friend has genital herpes. Do you think he/she will straight up volunteer that info ? Nope, he/she doesn't have to.

That's how I see it.

[Skitz13]

It's my feeling that people don't really need to know everything about your life if it doesn't impact them.

I also lost a very old friend to my diagnosis and am very guarded now on who knows.

I've started a new relationship and I've thought about telling him. I've decided that as long as I can keep my symptoms relatively under control, I want him to get to know ME. Then in time I will probably disclose but for now, if it doesn't impact the relationship, he doesn't need to know.

[lilypup]

I used to guard against it but I have basically stopped that. I am tired of hiding. I don't care if I am excluded or whatever...don't really think that has happened.
I don't (as other posters have mentioned) tell everyone I meet. But when someone becomes my friend I casually work in into the conversation.
My behavior can be very erratic when I am sick. I think telling friends has helped them understand things. It is much easier for me to go along and do things if they know I get tired easily, etc.
When I am depressed i don't feel like moving. If friends didn't know, they would think I didn't like them or were ignoring them.
The ONLY place I never told anyone was work. It is none of their business.

[pawn78]

I don't even have many friends, but I like DEEP relationships, so I tell all my friends about it early on. If they don't like it, then they can't deal with me as a friend anyway, so **** them. I even ordered two funny bipolar t-shirts this week. I don't hide it at all. I am a wild, intense person, with intense relationships, and bipolar mania is a defining part of my personality. I am a proud "OUT" nutcase.

[tipper1492]

lilodian4ever caught my attention. Small town where I live, and only had very few long term friends I told about my BPII. Don't expect them to drop back by ever again. Then word spreads in town of 24K. I feel something I can only guess is depression, and much comes from business. I feel my wife has to do all the book keeping, pay bills, taxes, and such because I get unnerved trying to do any of that. Feel less than others. Try to connect here just to relate to someone other than my wife which we don't talk much about it. My medications have made all the difference in my life, but then there is always that bug flying around my head.

[loophole]

I don't have any friends yay me... a few of my family members know... however my aunt was bipolar and finally ended her life in her early 40s...... they know it's not a joke....

[BipolaRNurse]

I like what Lia had to say.

Basically, I'm pretty much "out" with my diagnosis. I am 55 years old and I honestly don't care a whole lot what people have to say about me, especially if they're the kind who would reject me on the basis of my mental illness. One of the privileges of age, I guess.

I haven't lost more than a handful of friends since I was dx'd. I felt the losses acutely at the time, but I figured out pretty quickly that if they couldn't handle me at my worst, they didn't deserve me at my best (thank you, Marilyn Monroe).

The one place I keep things on the q.t. is at work, or in my case, looking for work. My medical history is none of an employer's business, and it's my story to tell or not as I choose. I've found absolutely NO advantage to discussing my illness with prospective employers---I got burned badly once by disclosing, and I won't make that mistake again.

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I like what Lia had to say.

[good stuff deleted]

The one place I keep things on the q.t. is at work, or in my case, looking for work. My medical history is none of an employer's business, and it's my story to tell or not as I choose. I've found absolutely NO advantage to discussing my illness with prospective employers---I got burned badly once by disclosing, and I won't make that mistake again.

I found that if an employer is self-insured, your medical history is there business. But I really did not care at the time.

[BipolaRNurse]

You still are protected by HIPAA regarding your personal health information. Did an employer tell you this? They're full of it.....unless you are an airline pilot or work in some other occupation that requires health exams prior to employment, there is NO need for you to disclose. Of course, it's stickier if they're self-insured, but you could always pay for your meds and psych visits out-of-pocket (assuming you're well-off enough to do that) and that way they couldn't find out.

You'll have to excuse me, I am a total freak about this issue. There's too many people, employers, and government agencies who want us to give up too much of our privacy. I'm a strong advocate for the idea that we do NOT give up our privacy when we become employees!