[XSleepingSiren21X]

How do I deal with family who are against my bi-polar problems?

My family are what I'd consider, 'hard-core Christians' and they like to think there is nothing wrong with me at all. I try to get them to hear me out and listen, but they do nothing but say it isn't their problem and that I'm just making things up. All they do is tell me to believe that there's nothing wrong with me and I have no mental issues. They criticize me and try to tell me it's all nothing but the 'truth.' Then they go about saying the reason I'm thinking that I'm bi-polar is because I'm filling my head with bad things from the things I watch and listen to. They put it out saying I'm 'letting evil fill my brain with lies' 'it's the devil that's making me feel that way.'

I'm so sick of them thinking their way of life is the answer and that I can't simple be a bit different because I'm bi-polar. Now I just feel like I'm completely bullied by them every-time I come to them about my BP problems.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

My mother is generally supportive (or at least tries to be) of dealing with mental illness. She's struggled with depression off and on her whole life, I think. There were family members with bipolar in my dad's family, too, so she's dealt with it before. I just told her about my DX this past weekend. She was supportive, as I expected her to be.

I have, however, two brothers who are very loving and supportive in general, but also believe that the mind is more powerful than any other thing in the world. One, particularly, believes that depression is simply a matter of not willing yourself to be better. He said this years ago (and not directly about me); I don't know if his views have matured over time or not, but I don't share my struggles with either of my brothers all the same. I don't want to hear things from them that make it harder for me to deal with this. I only talk to them about topics unrelated to this - which still leaves quite a lot.

Do you have any other support system in your life where you are free to discuss this, besides family? I've found, in general, that others will not change their views (especially deeply held convictions) unless they are open and willing before the discussion. Sounds like your family is not, and trying to make them see the truth of this matter is futile until they want to open themselves up to the possibility that science may have more answers than their version of faith on this issue.

Maybe others on here with better outcomes in working with their families can provide more insight for you. Sorry you have to deal with this in your family...

[XSleepingSiren21X]

Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo

My mother is generally supportive (or at least tries to be) of dealing with mental illness. She's struggled with depression off and on her whole life, I think. There were family members with bipolar in my dad's family, too, so she's dealt with it before. I just told her about my DX this past weekend. She was supportive, as I expected her to be.

I have, however, two brothers who are very loving and supportive in general, but also believe that the mind is more powerful than any other thing in the world. One, particularly, believes that depression is simply a matter of not willing yourself to be better. He said this years ago (and not directly about me); I don't know if his views have matured over time or not, but I don't share my struggles with either of my brothers all the same. I don't want to hear things from them that make it harder for me to deal with this. I only talk to them about topics unrelated to this - which still leaves quite a lot.

Do you have any other support system in your life where you are free to discuss this, besides family? I've found, in general, that others will not change their views (especially deeply held convictions) unless they are open and willing before the discussion. Sounds like your family is not, and trying to make them see the truth of this matter is futile until they want to open themselves up to the possibility that science may have more answers than their version of faith on this issue.

Maybe others on here with better outcomes in working with their families can provide more insight for you. Sorry you have to deal with this in your family...

I've gotten to the point my family had me go to a therapist (only after I begged to go to one), but it wasn't long till they thought just because I talked to her about my problems, I was instantly 'cured.'

So not long after a few months I was threatened (hypothetically) to stop going, by not paying for my sessions. I started to pay for myself after that, but my parents soon told me they didn't want me to go at all so they tried to lie to me saying they wanted a family meeting with my therapist, when really they wanted an excuse to make me notice I couldn't go at all.

I don't have anyone that has support for me. I have a small group of friend that I sometimes talk about my problems, but they don't know how to cope and they say they honestly don't know how to help, so I usually stay distant with them. Sometimes I like having friends and have a feeling of wanting to do outgoing things with them, but at the same time I don't like being around them at all or if they want to hang out I don't want to.

Most of the time I just rely on my fantasy and music to help me deal with the problem.

[Victoria'smom]

My family knows the Dx that I take meds end of story. They don't believe in drugs and feels given enough time the brain will fix it's self.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have the same problem with my parents. They tell me, "Just go on a vacation and clear your head", "Just snap out of it", "Get married, that will fix everything".

For years, I used to do the same thing that you described - go to them and try to educate them about it. Guess what ? I have bookmarked this forum on my internet browser. It says, in bold text, "Borderline Personality Disorder" and "Bipolar Disorder". They use my computer everyday. They have not even been curious enough to ask me what that is, after I've explained my diagnoses to them many times !!! What does that tell you ? They don't get it, and never will.

So, I have finally figured out how to deal with the problem. Think about it ... they're 40 or 50 or 60 or more years old, and they grew up NOT believing in mental illness. Now, all of a sudden, we go up to them and tell them about our issues. They don't know the first thing about it ! They were brought up to believe that we can just "snap out of it" or that the movies and popular culture cause our problems. Old habits and mindsets die hard.

What's the smart way to deal with it ? DON'T go to them with your bipolar issues. Have you heard the expression "Love is not enough" ?. It may be true in this case. Even if your parents love you, they may not be able to understand you.

Hope this helps. I understand your frustration. I really strongly urge you to NOT seek help from your folks about mental health issues ... they just don't see eye to eye with us, and they likely never will. Don't waste your time and emotional energy. Tell this stuff to a therapist who IS able to understand you.

[CozyMellie]

It took my parents a long long time (and i'm talking years) to accept the fact that I had to be on medication. Going to talk therapy was fine, but "depression", "medication", nope. My family is very "mind over matter - only you control your thoughts and future". My dad is especially like that.

I guess you could say I *MADE* them change their mind about my illness. I just continued to go to them for support during my bad times. I was a squeaky wheel and would say "I know you don't believe in this, but I really need you to just sit by me/stay on the phone with me until this passes."

So what if they didn't get it...they're my parents and tough **** for them - this is what you get when you have kids lol. I never quit asking them for help or even support for my medications when I was short on funds.

So the fact that they actually saw my episodes in person, they began to understand. It's one thing to tell them, it's another thing for them to see. Now my parents are completely supportive and they even check on me to make sure I am keeping to my routine and plan. My mom is my #1. My dad is supportive but isn't the most "emotionally available" person. I know its because he feels helpless and men like to be fixers in general. But he will be there if I need him.

So I would say, never stop asking your parents for support. Never take no for an answer and let them see and be part of what you go through.

Sending hugs your way
Xoxo