Anybody else on here gone through a true psychosis?

Not a mixed state although a mixed state can feel like a break from reality. Not a real bad mania but a true real break from reality.

Mine was awful. First I started out in a hypo. I was abused in an organization I would rather not name. Anyway there are a bunch of websites exposing it. At first I would just help new victims of this organization that had left bc I've been out 15 yrs, well 11 at the time.

Anyway I became obsessed with all the news stories. It's was some really, really sick stuff. I started not getting much sleep. I started not eating much. Then before I knew it it had been 3 months of this. My apt was in shambles. I went to the Dr but didn't make sense. I couldn't stay off the computer looking up news stories about this organization. I was completely obsessed with getting it all exposed.

Then I didn't sleep or eat for 5 days. Then a woman making a documentary about all the sick **** going on in this organization called and told me one last story. That was it, I could feel my mind slip. I started to slowly believe every business, company etc had ppl from that organization drugging and raping ppl. I thought it was all a big conspiracy. I wouldn't go to the hospital bc I thought they would drug and rape me. My mind wouldn't stop racing, just wouldn't stop with all the images of all the stories I had read. What I went through myself. I was terrified. I started accusing my family of being in the organization.

Anyway finally did go to the hospital. It took days for them to get me to sleep. It was scary...

If u don't mind sharing, what was your break like?

Yep, I have. Memories that are not real...all the way to mania.

Some days it feels like it's raining on me

Having psychosis? Are u sza?

Horrific. I had a stretch of five days when I did not sleep. I lost 40 pounds because I did nothing but drink tea for weeks. I thought Satan controlled me (still do). I heard voices, had tactile and olfactory hallucinations (still do), and was extremely paranoid (still am).

Everything I take in has an esoteric/multiple meaning(s). It is exhausting wading through the input. I'm an constantly anxious and go nuts trying to deal with intrusive thoughts, which the devil constantly comments on negatively. And I cry all the time because I'm besieged.

I. Am. Exhausted.

I know you've probably heard this a million times, but are u taking any meds and what is your diagnoses. Mine is bipolar disorder and severe PTSD.

I understand. it makes me cry for you...

I've had some pretty bad psychotic episodes and they seem to get worse every time. They have to do with the shadow people going after me and wanting stuff inside of my brain. They get a bunch of people to follow me and do their work during the day (shadow people can't be out in the day) while they follow and chase me at night.

On psychologist diagnosed me sza but my actual pdoc says I'm bipolar 1 with psychotic features.

Just to clarify though, my memories were real. Being involved in exposing that horrible organization just brought them up...

Don't cry. I do enough of that for both of us.

I've seen two diagnoses on my chart:

1. Bipolar with psychotic features
2. Severe major depression with psychotic features

Yes, I'm taking meds, but they don't help much.

I just know what's it's like to lose control of your mind like that. My family said when they came to clean my apt I had coffee cans all over. I don't remember just living on coffee. I remember forcing myself to eat some turkey, but that was the last thing I ate for 5 days and I just know that bc my son told me. He kept trying to get me to eat but he said all I would say is, this HAS TO BE EXPOSED!

Just getting so obsessed and the racing thoughts and not sleeping just isn't good. Are u taking any meds right now?

My poor son...

Yes, I'm taking meds currently, but they don't help much. I don't know why. Maybe they're the wrong stuff.

I keep telling my shrink what I experience and that I feel like I'm two different people, literally, but he doesn't seem to take me seriously. He's a really nice guy, but kind of clueless, I guess.

I just made a long post on this and I sent and my Internet cut out .. anyway shorter version.. I suffer from blackouts that lost 3 to 4 days in extreme cases. .. it's horrible I still function but am not consciously there.. It causes me to miss work and literally not remember full days except some still frames mixed in very rarely... basically have no recollection. . Send rediculous text msgs to people that make no sense. Like 5 page text msgs just going off about wild stupid stuff... I don't come out of it usually until I've exhausted my mind to the extreme.. wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.. last one I came out of it by being told I was going into inpatient.. people came over very concerned. . People thought I was going to kill myself I sent a text to my T saying I must need to put a hole in the back of my head... yah don't remember nothing... also don't remember being at the hospital before inpatient. .. I feel like I've literally lost my mind

I think u need to look for a new doc...

I can say I was not with reality in some aspects. Afraid and alone.

mine was very frightening, as well. I went in the hospital to escape thinking I was being poisoned, only to believe that there were sick doctors in the hospital giving lobotomies and torturing animals. I thought they had a hold of my dog and my nephew. I was scared to death. Let's hope that our medication always works well enough in the future to keep these experiences at bay.

For me, going inpatient made it worse because the staff played head games with me and I knew it. I will never tell my doctor I feel suicidal, etc., even if I do because I'm never going inpatient again. The "cure" was worse than the psychosis.

I remember asking a nurse if I could see the bottom of her shoes (I thought they were bugged and someone was listening in). The nurse said, "We wear special shoes that can't be removed."

This pissed me off, big time. I don't like the lying. How hard is it to help the patient be safe and calm?

That does sound scary. I hope the meds continue working for us.

Omg, they are such shits. I had a nurse slam my finger in a door, and then say, and I'll do it again. I left that night. I really should have filed a complaint against them.

These ppl are overworked and underpaid for the most part I think. But if you have money, u get can get the best psychiatric care this country has to offer, it sucks.

That's awful!! I don't know what makes people like that choose this field. Control?

Idk, that place was a zoo. I refuse to go back there. It was a lot of severe drug addicts and stuff and the staff were really hardened...It's sad...

I've been in three psych wards. The worst one had a very perverse psychiatrist and there were no books or anything for stimulation. All I had was a window with a view of a small courtyard, which we weren't allowed into. It was winter, so nothing green was in bloom.

I was terrified, but managed to hold it together long enough to be transferred to another facility. At that facility the staff played head games.

At the third place my mattress was on the floor and one of the staff wore ruby shoes, which upset me. They were actual shoes with red rhinestones. I believed they'd been taken from me by theft. I used to walk the halls and look for her so I could see my shoes.

One of the male nurses would hang out by my door while using his computer on a cart. I was paranoid that he wanted me to give him a BJ. Silly, I know, but you know how it is.

You can have bipolar and psychosis without having schizoaffective.

I've had many psychotic episodes. The first one happened before I was diagnosed, I got on the subway after work and every time I met someone's eyes I could hear their thoughts and they were telling me to die. I almost went through with it but went to the hospital. The second time it happened was in the hospital, I believed that by not killing myself that day I had broken free of destiny and anyone who came in contact with me would be hurt.

And that's just two of them. There are others where I would discover special messages or the power to heal people, etc.

In general though, I haven't had bad hospital experiences. The last time, two nurses forced me to go through many many needle pokes for a blood draw, including one that gushed blood because her hand slipped, but there was nothing personal about it, they just wanted to get their job done and didn't care if it caused me distress. She just couldn't get a blood draw, tried several times, and when her hand slipped and blood went everywhere I tried to refuse to let her continue but she and another nurse basically forced me to let them keep going until they had the blood. It took at least 8 pokes and digging around on both arms combined. The next day, while still inpatient, I complained to their superiors and learned they were supposed to stop after 3 tries and wait until the next day. But again, it's not like she personally wanted to hurt me. She just wanted to get her job done in one day instead of having to pass it off to tomorrow's nurse. I complained, and never saw her again. I put the experience behind me.

The only thing that made me uncomfortable, again about the last hospital experience, was that they would often lock the far end of the ward to keep wanderers or upset people inside, and my room was in the far end. They offered to lock me in my room for my own "safety" because of the other people, but I refused and sat in the dining room all day instead.