So I just came out of yet another bad mania. I ended up in the hospital.

I was in a depression so I started messing with my meds. I went into a fabulous, wonderful hypo. Got so much done. Didn't do anything too risky. Well it turned on me like it always does and at first I was fine not sleeping. But then the anger, hostility, remorse, despair crying spells, suicidal thoughts came in along with the not sleeping. So I frantically increased some meds. Ended up going through 2 wks of he'll. Only sleeping 2 hrs a night. Was taking massive amounts of doxepin and visteral to sleep. Saw my psych nurse, she was shaken up and very upset. She said she was amazed I was still alive. I almost od'ed. Got out of the hospital 5 days ago.

AND I'M ALREADY MISSING HYPOS!!! Do I just have a really high tolerance for pain? Do I need to go through a grieving process? How do I learn to just be happy being stable?

[pawn78]

hypomania is fine for me...IF, BIG IF,... I get sleep. If I get manic to the point of sleeping less than 5 hours/night, it is not good for me and I try to come down.
But as long as I get sleep, I can be hypo and happy for weeks on end.

[Hottiedepressed]

I think you have to being depressed, since once you've experienced a euphoric mania, there's no middle, everything else is a low.

Originally Posted by Hottiedepressed

I think you have to being depressed, since once you've experienced a euphoric mania, there's no middle, everything else is a low.

It's hard bc I've experienced euphoric manias since my twenties, hard to give up...

[BipolaRNurse]

I miss hypomania something fierce. If there was a way I could keep it while never being depressed or full-on manic, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But that's true of many of us, and NOBODY can do it. Otherwise the drug market would crash and you'd have a bunch of happy, productive, optimistic people running around. Can't have that. LOL

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I miss hypomania something fierce. If there was a way I could keep it while never being depressed or full-on manic, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But that's true of many of us, and NOBODY can do it. Otherwise the drug market would crash and you'd have a bunch of happy, productive, optimistic people running around. Can't have that. LOL

Yeah, I know, lol. I think I need to grieve it. Let it be part of my past. One of the nurses in the hospital said u will still have ups just not as up. I'm actually cleaning tonight. I'm not hypo. I usually only do this kind of cleaning in hypos. My whole family was so worried. I just am getting too old for it tbh, lol. And it's not fair to others, ya know.

Anyway, I need to grieve it I think. Thanks for ur response.

I think maybe I also need to realize that I don't just have hypos. The severe depressions and mixed states come along with it...

[mrsoc]

Amazing. I really thought it was just me that kinda loved hypos. I actually miss them but know how bad it can be for everyone around me...

Originally Posted by mrsoc

Amazing. I really thought it was just me that kinda loved hypos. I actually miss them but know how bad it can be for everyone around me...

Oh yeah, you're not alone in only wanting Julia. I just wish I knew how to get over them, ya know?