[blueheelerlove]

I've responded to a few of the other members' posts before but have never had a question of my own. So, first of all hello all.

I discovered this website a couple of years ago when I was first diagnosed with BP II. The stories and support I saw here helped me immensely even though I didn't actively participate.

It took a year and a half, but I finally found a pdoc who listened to me and got me stabilized. I started working again and in fact just hit my one year anniversary with the company. Things were going extremely well up until about 2- 2.5 weeks ago. We were reaching the end of our fiscal year and I was given several projects to complete at once alongside a lot of other information that needed to be tracked down. That was wonderful because I love staying busy!

What started wearing me down was the other people I work with were not doing their jobs and were placing the work on me to fix all of their mistakes. This in fact is not just wearing me down. We are a very small location and the three of us who do work incredibly hard, every single one of us is looking for a new job it has gotten so out of hand. For situations that I could not fix myself (for instance I did not have authorization in the software to make adjustments or correct errors) I had to go to my manager. These mistakes have been happening for over 9 months and it has only gotten worse. Instead of taking it up with the people who are causing these problems the yelling and anger and resentment is being taken out on me! During the middle of this my spondylolisthesis flared up and caused incredible nerve pain from the damage.

My parents are also in the middle of filing bankruptcy because my mother ran up over 80,000 in debt and states "she can't remember where the money went". I'm not too surprised by this because my mother has a history of borrowing (or stealing) money from me and not wanting to pay me back. This should not really pertain to me, but as I'm staying with them to save up to buy a house I am constantly around the bickering and hostile environment.

My job is somewhat in limbo as well. I was told over a month ago I would be moving on to another, better job with better benefits and pay. Now I don't know if I'm getting that job or if I'll get to keep my current job because my company is considering closing down my location. All of these events sent me straight into a hypo manic episode. It was wonderful at first. I was accomplishing things at break neck speed and felt on top of the world. After that started to wear off I have now become so irritable and aggressive I'll snap at any one who comes near me.

I have an appointment with a new T ( my old T closed my file because it was a crisis center and we had resolved the issues I originally went to her for). But, since I'm a new patient I'm still a few weeks out until I can see her. I saw my pdoc Thursday and he said I was just under way too much stress, but that he was proud of me for not giving up and for facing this head on (which would have been impossible a year ago). He upped my clonazepam dosage and has me taking it more regularly.

Sorry, this has turned into such a long ramble, I guess I just needed somewhere to vent. How do any of you deal with this kind of irritability? It feels so irrational, but I genuinely feel like I can't just stop. I'm at a loss for what to do right now and am just feeling more and more overwhelmed and am losing the ability to cope at all.

Thanks to anyone who listens, I appreciate it.

[Curious651]

I can relate. Things go well and feel good then someone. Normally not a thing does something it takes weeks month to process through and move on. So much anger. Resentment. Confusion it is not funny. I do know this shall pass. Not comforting at times but true. Breathe. Focus on one thing can do. And take it slow. Not a quote person. But. I tell myself. Keep it simple stupid. Does not always work. Best of luck and hope you breathe today.

[blueheelerlove]

Thank you for your kind words. It honestly does help to know that I'm not the only one that ever feels this way.