[Manic Trance]

Hello friends!

Cannot imagine why my headline would want to make anyone want to read this.

I have been in a state of hypomanic lift off for so long now, and I've done some really crazy things, and I think now maybe I am crashing. Mixed moods today, mainly crying and feeling terrible and sad. I wrote someone a long crazy email, part of me was like 'this is crazy, it's always crazy when you write a long emotional email' but I didn't listen and I know I hurt that person. And even though she was nice about it and I apologized and supposedly everything is OK, I just feel terrible and sad, like on some level I'll never have a chance to be close to that person really. My house is a mess, I can't motivate to do anything about it, can't get off the couch, just reading the bipolar forum and crying.

Do you ever get so tired of being hypo manic or manic that you wish for a crash? I don't have long bouts with depression, 3 days, a week tops, I am BPII rapid cycling, but when I am just lifting off and spinning like this forever, I want to crash and be still and catatonic. That is terrible.

OK. I'm gonna get up and put on NPR. Hearing someone talk to me helps. And I'll make coffee and try and clean for a while.

To anyone who read this, thanks for reading this post about nothing, sorry I am such a mess right now, so happy to have this place where I can at least basically say this.

OK
MT

[lilypup]

Glad you are here. You are not alone.
My depressions are so deep and overwhelming. My mania is job destroying and relationship destroying. I hate this illness. I don't feel like crying today, but I have wasted half my life crying. It will get better again.
Hugs.

[Lobster Hands]

Sorry MT, we're here for you. I know the feeling and I know the desire to want to be still.

[Manic Trance]

Thank you lilly pup and lobster hands!
The people on this forum are the ONLY people I can say these things to.
<3
MT

[Sprite22]

I feel as you. Cried many times. And your title made me answer. Hope you are feeling better.

[Manic Trance]

Originally Posted by Sprite22

I feel as you. Cried many times. And your title made me answer. Hope you are feeling better.

THANKS SPRITE! Hang in! I am getting out of the house, gonna get a B Day present for a friend of my daughter's and scoop them up at a party, then I have dinner plans with a friend that is in town. Trying to buck up! My house is still a catastrophe but I have resolved to just burn it late and get it together. That ALWAYS makes me feel better!
We'll see!
MT

[Tucson]

I spent most my time in a very depressed mood. That is why I look forward to a more hypomanic mood. But that seems to come not too often for me.

Hang in there!

[wildflowerchild25]

I can remember the days of wanting to just be able to sit and be. I haven't had a hypomanic episode since may and I miss them but your post reminds me that it's not all sunshine and roses. Hang in there! We're all here for you.

[Manic Trance]

THANKS ALL OF YOU!
I am feeling much better than I was this morning, a little bit of a hypomanic edge, but manageable for now.
MT

[Healthyday5]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands

Sorry MT, we're here for you. I know the feeling and I know the desire to want to be still.

OMG....you just hit it on the head! I just want to be still. These are the words I've been searching for to explain this state I'm in presently. Thank you for your reply and hugs to you both.

[littlemiss1970]

I'm so glad yr feeling better tonight! You are never alone cause we're in this together. I'm sorry to hear about the email but you said yr sorry so that says something! You know you didn't mean it. Sometimes we do crazy shitz. Take good care of yrself.