[browneyed_wreck]

When I was around 14, my psychologist of about 2 years at the time suggested I may have bipolar disorder. At the time they were juggling the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, but I really grew out of all the symptoms I was experiencing of that. For the past three years now I've been experiencing off and on psychotic symptoms and have been diagnosed with psychosis NOS. But I am a really up and down person, I mean one month I am so productive and will sign up for school and have all these aspirations and once I start I don't stop until I hit one of my dull stages again when I just kind of want to lye in bed and never get up.. I get so happy for that month that I will sit in my bed at night and just shake I'll be so full of excitement and I don't know what about.. Sometimes it scares me and other people like my friends, because I'm so unpredictable sometimes, but when I am in those moods I am so much more popular among my friends, always wanting to do stuff, until I crash bad. I used to use drugs a lot but went to rehab 6 months ago and have been clean since then and it has literally gotten worse, so it is not drugs. I am not compliant with my psych meds most of the time because they make me so dull and I am so full of energy off of them, but usually when I get down I will go back on them and see what happens. I'm only prescribed risperidone now because I stopped taking everything else and refused to even take a prescription home with me for anything else. Also I get a really good outlook on life during my ups and I'll feel good about myself, because I usually lose weight when I'm happier because I don't stop. But I'm getting tired of these episodes whatever it is , I just want to be able to live normally and sleep and not have everyone think I'm on drugs because I get so happy. I've never mentioned this to my psychiatrist at the time and I don't know if I should or not. Any suggestions or experience ?

(I also posted this in Q&A, but just wanted some more input) Thankssss !!

[Mountainbard]

Hi browneyed_wreck, what you're describing sounds a lot like bipolar. I would suggest you mention this to your psychiatrist. They're not perfect and they do make misdiagnoses sometimes. (I was misdiagnosed as MDD for 15 years before finally being correctly diagnosed as bipolar type II.) The more data you can give them to work with the better.
From your description what's happening, whether it's bipolar or BPD or something else, is a cycling of moods that you can't control. Even if the up moods are pleasurable, them coming at the price of the darkness of the downs is not fun.
I really hope you will talk to your pdoc the next time you see him/her. If you want stability you're also going to have to make the commitment to stay on all your prescribed meds. That means giving up the illness-induced highs, but it also means having a chance for stability, maybe for the first time in your life.
Whatever you decide, I wish you luck, and I hope you'll keep posting here.

all the best,
Randy

[Curious651]

I agree with mountain, sounds exactly like the feelings I get and I have been dx bp 2 for years. When i was on meds I was very mono toned if you know what I mean. I have periods of shaking and like I am ready to jump out of my skin due to excitement and joy for no reason. It is your choice, but you may want to be up front with the pdoc. At least you can function some what normal if stable. Good luck and thanks for post.

[browneyed_wreck]

Yeah, I thought the same. Thank you both. I think I am ready to go back on full time meds instead of constantly chasing the high life of mania or whatever it may be. It's funny I have been on a steady up almost since June.. and today I feel like my life is being ripped out from under me, and I am so scared this is the end of it. My delusions are going in the dumpster once again of me being a super important person.