[Blitter2014]

Hello All,

Today I am sitting here on the couch a shell of a man. We are in the process of selling all our assets to try and keep a roof over our heads after a long and drawn out battle to get my bipolar under control. Up to this point, I have been in crisis since the start of the year. I have been trialing new medications since the start of 2013, and am still not stable.

Unfortunately I have not been able to work or keep a stable job during this time. We have tried everything in our power to get me stable, changing therapists, changing Pdocs, changing Psychs, probably a dozen medications. This week it all came crashing down. Nearly all our worldly possessions are now listed online for sale in an effort to reduce our debts to a point where we can live without me working. I have been working on and off for the last 10 years, struggling with our own building business, and a lot of my identity is tied up in my work, and the possessions we are now selling. As such I am feeling totally lost, wondering what the future holds and wondering who I am and where I am going...

So my question is, if this is rock bottom, and not working is part of the healing process, what have you found to help you rebuild your life and what would you recommend?

[Sillywabbit]

During my rock bottom last year, I kept a journal. I journaled everything....but also included something I was grateful for everyday. I also started meditating and really isolated myself. I don't know that is the right advice, but it worked for me and allowed me to focus on myself without any added opinions or drama. I hope you find peace, and just remember the best part of rock bottom is you can only go up from there.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm glad you've asked this question because I've asked this question to myself many a time.

I envy bp people who are able to be highly functioning.

I keep going through cycles where my stability has never lasted that long at all.

I'm a teacher (currently unemployed due to being too unwell plus a lot of jabbering b*s that went on at work). Lost count the number of times a T has asked what's Plan B if I can't teach! There is no Plan B .... It's part of my identity and I don't want to do anything else. But the stress when I am working just rocks my world. What occupation is out there that's not stressful? I've toyed with the idea of training to be a beautician but the money wouldn't be enough to get by so what's the point.

Tried different pdocs- got yet another one tomorrow. Lost count of the different meds I've been on.

Sorry, I'm rambling and not at all answering your question. I'm hoping there's someone out there who can answer that for us!

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Sillywabbit

During my rock bottom last year, I kept a journal. I journaled everything....but also included something I was grateful for everyday. I also started meditating and really isolated myself. I don't know that is the right advice, but it worked for me and allowed me to focus on myself without any added opinions or drama. I hope you find peace, and just remember the best part of rock bottom is you can only go up from there.

I'm so scared of journaling.... Incase my husband or anyone else read it ... Nobody would want to read the crap that goes through my head all day. I wonder if they sell journals with massive padlocks. I'd need to keep people out.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

I'm so scared of journaling.... Incase my husband or anyone else read it ... Nobody would want to read the crap that goes through my head all day. I wonder if they sell journals with massive padlocks. I'd need to keep people out.

So can you hide your journel?

[SeekerOfLife]

Blitter, I sent you a PM , then I saw this post. I think I understand your plan. Just a question or two to clarify. Will selling your possessions actually get you out of debt? And then what about an income? You could still lose your house in the future? How about renting a small home? and just working part time?
I live alone and must carefully manage what little I have. Due to insufficient funds I do not have TV, internet, pets (except small bird). I do not smoke, drink, gamble or collect things. I have only two past-times and I have to carefully decide if & when I can afford them. Hope some of this helps.

Let me know what times you are generally on PC. Maybe I can get up a bit earlier. God bless you!

[SeekerOfLife]

Blitter, there is a book I have heard really good things about. "Depression: the Way Out" by Neil Nedley. It is a bit expensive, about $45. I have wanted to read it, but have not found a second hand copy. The principles are said to be applicable to most MH issues. Perhaps you can find a copy at a used book store.

[Sprite22]

I too have struggled this year as like you. 3 ER trips and back on meds. I don't know if you ever recover because it is a life time condition. Less episodes maybe.

[Blitter2014]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and suggestions.
Besides journaling,(which I got myself into trouble with once before when someone read and used the information) are there any lifestyle changes, goals, directions that anyone has tried that has helped after a nervous breakdown? (which is what they are calling this crisis)

[LastQuestion]

Medication wasn't enough. Therapy hadn't been helpful. I just did my best to suffer through it all. This year conditions deteriorated to the point that I had to do something otherwise, with no doubt in my mind, I knew I would commit suicide (which at the time, and even now, is an outcome I am typically undisturbed by).

If you look at my post history you'll find a lot of information regarding how I've managed to become stable. In short, regular sleep, diet, daily exercise, and some supplements which help me manage my responses to stress without directly influencing my mood. It required a lifestyle change which started by denying bad habits that impeded building the ones I understood to now be necessary. That took time, but it's something medications could never make up for.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

So can you hide your journel?

If I hid it and he found it ... What if I was writing things about him ... Not really places in my house to hide it. Under the bed, in a closet but he can get in there.

[Rick7892]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

I'm so scared of journaling.... Incase my husband or anyone else read it ... Nobody would want to read the crap that goes through my head all day. I wonder if they sell journals with massive padlocks. I'd need to keep people out.

What has helped me journal without fear that someone else would find my writing is to use a kid's "magic slate" (Google it for images). I fill one page and then lift the bottom of the page up, so my writing disappears. As I do this I try to imagine that I am letting go of it, too. This helps me because sometimes before when I wrote stuff down on paper or in a computer file, I would cling to it or think it precious, so it had a hold of me. By lifting the page and letting it go, I don't cling to it. Like other journalling, this "magic slate" journaling has helped give me relief and perspective, and I continue to do it.

[Zippo]

I, too, am very worried about anyone reading my journals so I edit myself and don't write my most private stuff. Even though I live alone and my words would only be read after my death it's hard to be honest on paper with that fear. In the winter when I was so alone and broken and needed to express the things that were so troubling and ultra private I wrote it out in another journal and kept it for a few days, reread it and got what I felt I needed from it as a source of acknowledgment, then burned the pages. Safe. I do find collecting my thoughts on paper to be very helpful but mostly boring to anyone who would read it. I'm not so worried about anyone reading my edited version.