[ozzy1313]

I don't feel mad, or anxious, or sad anymore. I'm just tired and don't feel much of anything. I did clean a bathroom, start laundry, and cleaned kitchen floor but that is all I can do. I have to pick up my friend's daughter at 2 and go to work at 4. Makes me even more tired to think about that. A few days ago I had self harming thoughts but I don't even have those anymore. Too much work.

[kaliope]

hope you get to feeling better

[Crazy Hitch]

I hate it when I have that not much of anything feeling. I describe it as being flat. I went through that for a year. My med changes are starting to pull me out of the flat mode, and Im starting to "feel" again, good feelings. But my meds were only changed when I hit complete rock bottom in September and thought I had no options left. I couldn't even do mundane tasks like going to the shops, cooking dinner or cleaning.

I'd suggest you make contact with your pdoc to let them know how you are traveling.

Be well.

[~Christina]

Is there a reason your not wanting to advise your Pdoc of how your feeling /struggling?

[ozzy1313]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Is there a reason your not wanting to advise your Pdoc of how your feeling /struggling?

Because I am afraid I am faking it. That it is all "in my head"- so to speak. Other times I feel like I deserve to live in pain. I know I need to do something bc it is not fair to my kids...

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by ozzy1313

Because I am afraid I am faking it. That it is all "in my head"- so to speak. Other times I feel like I deserve to live in pain. I know I need to do something bc it is not fair to my kids...

Ok even tho you feel you deserve this pain, You kids are seeing this and its not healthy for them, So if you cant do it for you, do it for them .

[LifeInProgress]

Tomorrow I have to tell my PDoc that the last years have all been a sham, I have not been nearly as stable, happy and in control as I had been reporting (and thinking myself to be) best part is it's only my second visit with a new PDoc at the clinic.

Call PDoc, and let them know what has been happening and what you are feeling.

[ozzy1313]

So far today I feel fine so I don't feel the need to call. ugh-

I'm sorry I keep posting this past week but I am just so confused as to what to do

[Victoria'smom]

Call anyway.

[ozzy1313]

I called. she has no openings for two weeks. I hung up. I can't go another two weeks. I don't know what to do

[~Christina]

You are not in a good place , you know that. Okay there is no appointment for 2 weeks. Why not make the appointment anyway? Your up and down daily or hourly , as 7:47am.. you said your feeling fine.

Call back, take the appointment and get on the cancellation list.

I'm not sure about your situation, do you have someone to care for your children if you crash and burn and need IP ?

I don't mean to be mean or pushy,certainly not my intention. I have been in your shoes before, It's not a good place to be. You can either reach out for help now or hope you can wait bipolar out for weeks or months to spit you out the other side.

Take care of yourself.

[ozzy1313]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

You are not in a good place , you know that. Okay there is no appointment for 2 weeks. Why not make the appointment anyway? Your up and down daily or hourly , as 7:47am.. you said your feeling fine.

Call back, take the appointment and get on the cancellation list.

I'm not sure about your situation, do you have someone to care for your children if you crash and burn and need IP ?

I don't mean to be mean or pushy,certainly not my intention. I have been in your shoes before, It's not a good place to be. You can either reach out for help now or hope you can wait bipolar out for weeks or months to spit you out the other side.

Take care of yourself.

Thanks- I have a loving husband and parents around. My kids are teens so they are pretty easy. I opened up to both my parents today about what was going on with me so if nothing else I have them around to help . I wouldn't need IP- I'm not in physical danger. My only physical danger would be dehydration from crying too much

[ozzy1313]

I took everyone's advice and I called back. They got me in a week from today. If next Thursday I am feeling fine I will print out my posts here to show her what has been going on with me.

I also called a friend and we are going to get together tomorrow night for Halloween

[ozzy1313]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

You can either reach out for help now or hope you can wait bipolar out for weeks or months to spit you out the other side.

Take care of yourself.

I love what you wrote. I can picture it in my mind- thinking of bipolar as a machine we are wrung through

[Capriciousness]

I am glad you got the appointment. I often feel the same way. Like I must be faking it and it can't really be so bad to feeling horribly totally just out of my mind in the same hour. It is maddening. Doesn't hurt to have an appointment. You can always tell them about the split feelings. That is part of it. Sounds like now you are in an exhaustion place from all of it. That happens to me too. Sometimes the exhaustion and then the numbness feel good after the swirling. Peace and love.

[tipper1492]

Do something rather than just sit there melting away. If it takes two weeks, so be it. If you're faking, she will see right through it. If you do nothing, then you're just stuck, and I hope the children do not see it. Most times they understand what is going on. Do it for them, and you will probably wish you had done it sooner.

[LifeInProgress]

Keep that appointment and chart your moods so you can show PDoc and yourself what has been going on.

[ozzy1313]

Originally Posted by tipper1492

Do something rather than just sit there melting away. If it takes two weeks, so be it. If you're faking, she will see right through it. If you do nothing, then you're just stuck, and I hope the children do not see it. Most times they understand what is going on. Do it for them, and you will probably wish you had done it sooner.

My kids are teens and I am pretty open with them about my bp. You are right though- I need to "fake it till I make it" right now. I need to get off my couch and do something. Anything.

[ozzy1313]

Awake today at 4:30 and ready to take on the day. I am physically tired from not getting enough sleep but I'm going out to breakfast with my dad. Going grocery shopping and then to the mall. How is this the same girl that was hysterically crying on the dining room floor yesterday?

[Moose72]

Call psych er and ask to speak to a nurse.