Last Tuesday I worked. I got off late and went to at "friends" house to get a part for my car. My boyfriend of two years was unaware and wouldn't have approved but I'm impulsive. My Aunt and Uncle were watching my son and it was super late and while he slept he had another night terror. I didn't call them to tell them I was going to be late. My "friend" was someone who drinks far to much and was of course drunk when I got there. Completely forgetting I was stopping by. He ended up freaking out, choaking me and then my Aunt showed up because she saw my car and was super pissed. I left after being screamed at by said friend a little longer and when I got back home my Aunt flipped out on me and hit me, again. This time after so many times I hit her back and because I'm sick of being bullied we got into a huge fight outside and she lost it like usual and cried and yelled and blah. Things were said that were not meant and she did her freak out and ended up taking a bunch of her sleeping pills out of impulse and we ended up having to take her to the hospital. I had talked to my boyfriend by this time and told him what happened. He of course freak out on me and was angry and hurt that I was so impulsive which thankfully I'm not as much as I used to be. The doctors at the hospital obviously figured she did it to hurt herself but didn't seem to realize that she didn't know what she was doing when she did it and she has her own depression and issues. I know she wouldn't harm herself and so does her husband. Anyway, I know this is my fault. If I had called them it would've been fine and we wouldn't have fought and I wouldn't have said terrible things and she wouldn't have lost it and done what she did. Now she's locked up until they release her and my boyfriend isn't talking to me really because I betrayed him and hurt him. I don't blame anyone but myself. I shouldn't have done what I did. I shouldn't have said the things I did. And all I wish now was that I could take back my stupid impulsivness. My Uncle isn't blaming me per se but I can tell he knows it was my fault. My Aunt hasn't said anything about it just that she doesn't blame me but I know she does. She always does. I have been trying to not break down. I've kept all this in because I have no one to talk to because I'm not allowed to tell anyone and I'm going insane. I'm losing my boyfriend I'm sure which kills me and I hurt two people who help me more than my own parents ever have. I feel terrible guilt and I can't seem to stop it. No matter what I say or do I can't take back what happened and I can't fix things. I always do what others want because it makes things easier on me. I want to run away. I want to break down and cry and I can't. I can't turn to my Uncle because he's concerned with my Aunt and it would be selfish of me. I can't turn to my boyfriend because he's so upset with me. I can't tell my family about anything. I don't have any friends because I'm so ****ed up. I'm trying to keep it together but right now I've lost it. I'm broken inside. I just thought maybe saying it would make me feel better but it didn't work. I'm still ****ed up and I still ****ed things up. Good job to me.

[Victoria'smom]

What you wrote doesn't sound like your fault. You planed to stop by (not impulsive). Didn't feel you had to tell anyone since you were out, it was late anyway. Friend flipped **** and assaulted you. Then your aunt did the same. You finally struck back after x years and said stuff you regret. Her reaction caused her to be hospitalized. Your boyfriend is probably angry because you got hurt and it scared him.

We're here for you but I really think you need a therapist because you're environment SUCKS and you need help separating your issues from others issues. The only thing that you did "wrong" was hit back. Your letting friend's and family abuse you and that's not okay for you or for your son to see.