[unikitty]

Hi, I'm new and this is my first post. I'm not officially diagnosed, but I know without the slightest doubt that this is what's going on, and it's been ruining my life for, well, most of my life. I'm frustrated because I've tried to reach out to therapists before without getting it across well enough. Maybe it's because I usually only seek out help when I'm depressed and decide that I never really needed it anyway the rest of the time. And for the longest time I wasn't totally sure myself, and just briefly hinted at the possibility hoping that if there was an issue, they'd pick up on it. And if not, no worries. So now I'm just diagnosed with ADD and MDD. But the treatments for those still aren't enough to keep my life from being one disaster after another. And I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of being a high-acheiving, goal-driven, passionate person half of the time and a complete emotional and social mess half of the time. My whole life has been building beautiful skyscrapers and having them burn and crash down over and over. All of that and so much more that I can't even get into right now, it's tearing me to shreds. I just want someone to realize what's really going on and help me.

[hamster-bamster]

https://www.optimismonline.com/app/index.php - track your moods for a period of time and show to your therapists. That would get the point across very well. What you are describing (the metaphor with the skyscrapers is truly powerful, and poignant, too) seems to follow a sinusoidal pattern of ups and downs, without mixed states. Mixed states are the most challenging from the treatment perspective, so it seems that your bipolar is not extra difficult to treat. Also, what you are describing fits the pattern of bipolar misdiagnosed as MDD because you only seek treatment during the low stage. It is very common among bipolar people. Since you yourself just wrote that you reach out when depressed and decide that never really need to reach out for help the rest of the time, make a note of this - you said it and not somebody else - so when next time you start thinking that you do not need help, refer back to your own post and say to yourself: "I better continue seeing the therapist".

Another thing is that when you track moods, you track your subjective perception of your states. Usually, in a low state your subjective perception is correct (in line with reality). In an elevated state, you may not be able to register that you are elevated. So mood journals still can be skewed towards portraying you as mostly depressed. A thid party observer, and especially a professional, can fill in that gap by observing and registering your elevated states for you. Would that be a good enough reason for you to sign up for long term therapy and obtain an accurate assessment of your mood fluctuations over time?

[unikitty]

Thanks for the link, hamster-bamster! And what you said makes so much sense. This time I do plan to stick with it even when I think I'm fine, and maybe be more direct about my concerns and why. Because I know what the problem is, and I just want to be able to treat it properly already.