[lacerta]

I've had a really good time having hypo since about end of August. I've worked tremendously, then had periods working tremendously on projects for my kids (in my office, in work time no one really noticed, as I completed the necessary aims earlier). Now I'm starting to feel aggressive towards my husband. Whenever I look at him, I'm having that terrible idea of stabbing him running through my mind. I start to feel tired and irritable. For last two days I've slept during day and still being able to fall asleep at night, for past two month I have taken my sleeping pills to get asleep, not every night but every 2-3 nights.

[Darvula]

Lacerta, is this the first time you've felt like stabbing your husband or does the feeling come and go and you don't act on it? Do you literally want to stab him? If so, you need to see someone about that ASAP.

[lacerta]

It's not the first time, no. I have periods of that feeling, never acted on this. But yes, that feeling is that I literally want to stab him. I've talked to my p-doc about this, he did not comment, just wrote usual prescriptions. Which I don't take... well, probably the question is.. does it sound serious enough to take pills?

[Darvula]

I'm the wrong person to ask about taking pills, because I refuse to take mine. Maybe other folks who have had better experiences with meds can comment. If you've had this feeling of violence before and not acted on it, that's good, but the thing is do you think there is a possibility that you could end up physically harming him? In that case, you need to take whatever steps to avoid it. Tell your p-doc again and ask him/her directly if you should take meds or what you should do. Another thing is can you talk to your husband about how stressed you feel? I'm not suggesting you tell him that you want to stab him, but maybe talking about your stress might allow your anger towards him to dissipate. Can you talk to him about how you feel?

Darvula

[lacerta]

P-doc doesn't know I'm not taking pills..
My husband knows about my secret thoughts.
Am I stressed? I need to give it a thought. I don't see any immediate reason to be angry with him.

[Darvula]

So you were prescribed meds and stopped taking them? If you stopped taking them suddenly, that could have triggered your aggressive thoughts. I think you need to talk frankly to your doc about having stopped taking the meds and see where to go from there. It's good that your husband knows. I would continue talking to him about how you feel and see if that eases the aggressive feelings you have toward him. The thing about the anger is that you don't need any reason to feel it towards a person - often it is directed at the person closest to you purely because they are there when no one else is. Part of dealing with BP for a lot of people is getting out of the cycle of treating those closest to us as repeated targets of our anger. I hope you can get this sorted out.

Darvula

[lacerta]

No, I stopped taking them about 6 month ago.

Part of dealing with BP for a lot of people is getting out of the cycle of treating those closest to us as repeated targets of our anger.
Is this? Never knew I'm not there alone, thanks
How do people cope with this?

[Darvula]

Originally Posted by lacerta

No, I stopped taking them about 6 month ago.

Part of dealing with BP for a lot of people is getting out of the cycle of treating those closest to us as repeated targets of our anger.
Is this? Never knew I'm not there alone, thanks
How do people cope with this?

Oh, you are most certainly not there alone. Being aware of that goes a long way to helping your relationship with your partner stay healthy. I became aware of it very early from watching my parents. My mum has either schizophrenia or bipolar and she has had the most abusive relationship with my dad that you can imagine. He has been her verbal punchbag for 60 years. Me too - she cycles through her rages and takes them out on us as a matter of course. That made me swear I'd never treat my own partner that way. It's so easy to slip into that cycle of raging at people close to you, not just when you have BP but for anyone, I think.

As for coping, just realising and acknowledging that you have an unhealthy cycle of anger developing in a relationship is 50% of dealing with it. So many people are in denial that there is anything wrong that nothing can change.

Darvula

[Victoria'smom]

I'm kinda on meds. I have an antipsychotic med to take "as needed" for agitation. When all I'm getting is racing thoughts of harming others. I'm more likely to harm myself to stop the thoughts then take the PRN but as soon as I realize I take the medication. It sedates me, stops the racing thoughts and the agitation. Do you have a therapist who is working with you through these thoughts?

My new therapist wants me to hold ice in my hand until my hand is acheing do to numbness when I get that agitated.

[lacerta]

Miguel'smom
Thanks, I totally forgot I had some sedating pills p-doc told me to take when I'm like this. Yes, I'm in therapy, most probably I get that sever anger on my husband because he is the only person I can do that. In my family I've been taught it's bad to feel angry. I recently met my mom ,she disappointed me once again (and again...) so probably I'm transferring the frustration to my husband

[Crazy Hitch]

Your behavior and thought processes match mine when I'm having a mixed episode.

Hope your pdoc and meds help you through this.

Be well and know these feelings can change.