I have been in a lull for a spell, which I know never lasts. It would have been pleasant if I was actually doing something positive with myself during it, like working.

However, I feel the train shaking and I see the steam rising in my head as the train is ready to roll. To where, who knows.

This dump I live in that calls itself a city with opportunity may have opportunity, but it has very few jobs.

I've got to get off this medicine so I can take any job that will hire me. No ands, ifs, ors, or buts about it. Worst drug I have ever seen. Between this med and all of my blood pressure meds, they are the absolute largest ambition stealing, motivation robbing poison that I have taken.

I think I'm going to quit it all, find a job, quit my ssdi claim, and live to work again. It's all I have known since age 12 and all that even remotely makes me happy. Yep, going to the bank is a hell of a lot funner than going to the doctor.

I just want one of those medical bracelets to wear like diabetics, except mine will say, "If you piss me off or play politics to screw me over, you get what you deserve, and that's on you not me, because you have been warned."

[jelly-bean]

If you think that getting a job and working will help you then I think that is exactly what you should do. I don't think stopping the meds is a good idea though.

[Justugh]

horrible idea ........doom doom doom

1 as for working ........why not do schooling or working at a charity( go in and offer to help place it not pay work but it is work where u can get energy out and feel good )
2 your meds kick the doctor in the butt and go change this crap now or i am stopping it (give them 3 weeks )
3 your ssdi claim ...........u went down this rabbit hole keep playing the game i did it for 18 months then they called me a drunk and druggie said no ...........some how the case got opened again i got notes from a SS person talking to me about calling him up he needs info............run it out to the end if they say no u can appeal it (i just went into depression after all that by the time 90 days came around i was still sleeping)
4 all the cities are like that they got nothing atleast nothing that can make a decent life on with out holding 2 jobs (****ing taxes )