[Greenfins7]

Hi everyone, I'm a teacher. I'm a perfectionist. I don't like criticism. Today my principal's intern addressed a parent concern and told me I am not gentle enough with a gifted third grader because she is "sensitive." I asked her how she knows this. She said because the kid is telling her mother and does not want to come to school. She also mentioned another lie the kid is telling his mother-that he is forced to complete class work in GT class. That's not true because the GT teacher has her own curriculum and doesn't allow that. The intern went on to say that one of my comments on the child's graded papers was insensitive. I wrote, "(name), in your rush to finish, you did not choose A, B, C, or D. Any machine would count this answer wrong (even though the correct answer was written down on the page). Slow down and check your work." The intern read it back to me and said, "Can't you see how that would upset an 8 year old." I said, "No, I can't." I don't see how writing comments to help a child earn a higher grade cold be considered hurtful. In addition, I counted the answer right. The intern said we'd have to meet again with the parent. I said, Fine, I don't have a problem with that." Then she said our meeting was over. I said, "When do I get to defend myself?" She let me tell my side of the story-that I have never humiliated a child in front of the class. I have spoken to the child about my expectations for quality work. I told the intern the child is upset with herself for her own bad grades. I have sent the child to visit her GT teacher with graded papers. I said if that's causing the child anxiety, I won't do it anymore. I will refrain from writing comments on her work and just put check or x if that's what the mother wants. The intern went on to say what a great teacher I am. I told her, "You don't know that. You've never seen me teach." She said she'd been in my room. I told her that was before announcements and she has no idea what kind of teacher I am. That made her mad! I don't care-it's true. She said, "This meeting is over." I was a little teary eyed (my typical bipolar response to duress). I left. Upon returning to my classroom, my hands were shaking violently, my heart was racing, I was sweating, and sobbing. I took Xanax and called my friend and colleague. She offered to pick up my class from PE and take them to lunch. I told her I had to leave. She said she'd split up my class-no problem. I called the principal and told her I was leaving. She said OK. I went straight home and printed out the papers for a leave of absence. I got an appt today with my psychiatrist. He agreed I need a leave of absence. He put me on Lamaxil?? He enrolled me in intensive out-patient therapy. Luckily, I have disability insurance. I can get by financially. I'm just in a really bad place right now because I can't retire for another 1,610 days. I have to work. Does anyone else experience crying out-of-the blue for stressful situations. It happens to me ALL the time. Am I depressed? I don't even know. Thank you for reading this.

[PennyD]

I have a reaction to authority. My therapist has not accounted for it, but when I'm put into a corner by any authority. I'll either cry(for really no reason) or become extremely defiant(which I do very well, not a good thing either.)

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry to hear this. I'm a teacher too - currently not working though, but that's another story.

I'm also a perfectionist and I'm extremely sensitive to criticism. I either get so sad I cry or so mad I get angry.

I've had Situations of "parent concerns" - but there are usually two sides to every story, isn't there.

Gifted children can also be extremely sensitive - especially when they feel that they are not meeting standards they have set for themselves or standards imposed on them by others. They want to be perfect. I don't think your comment was inaccurate. For this gifted child they may have felt that by "rushing" their work they have let themselves down. I do believe that the gifted child likely does not want to go to school, for a multitude of reasons, but not because you are insensitive. Gifted children have their own needs which can be difficult to reach if they're in a main stream class. Whilst some may like to downplay their talents and not want to be seen as the centre of attention for their differences, which is easily picked up by their peers making them become a subject of feeling different, others don't mind. And then there's the gifted child who has low EQ.

Sorry but I'm insure of what the term GT Class is - not a term that is used here.

I'm glad you went home. You sound like you need time out.

Try not let this whole situation let you down. I know how difficult this is for you. I have no doubt that you have been doing everything you know how to best accomodate this students needs. And you have clearly pointed out circumstances where the child has gone home and told the mother something that isn't entirely true. You know the truth.

Don't be so hard on yourself please. Take this time to get well.

[kmptrgeek]

I am a department manager and my boss, the department director, is a micromanager and an asshole to boot. I've been on the thin line of insubordination too many times to count. Of all his direct reports, I'm the only one that doesn't blindly follow his demands without questioning...and that makes him mad. I have a military background, so going up the chain and complaining to his boss (the CIO) is a very difficult thing to do. I'm miserable at work. I'm certain, and so is my therapist, that he is one of my top triggers. But I don't see a way out until I retire, quit or die. I'm hoping he either retires or goes somewhere else soon. So yeah...I have plenty of workplace stress...the bad kind. When we go at it, I don't cry...but I shake like a tree and always want to throw something or punch something. It makes me more angry than anything aside from someone messing with my family. My therapist asked me why I am spending so much energy on this when I know very well I will never be able to change his mind or make him even listen. Nobody likes this man and he is usually shot down with every genius idea he has...which makes him angry and then he begins going around process and tries to get his own way.

I am in hell at work...and I see no end in sight.

[Darvula]

Originally Posted by kmptrgeek

I am a department manager and my boss, the department director, is a micromanager and an asshole to boot. I've been on the thin line of insubordination too many times to count. Of all his direct reports, I'm the only one that doesn't blindly follow his demands without questioning...and that makes him mad. I have a military background, so going up the chain and complaining to his boss (the CIO) is a very difficult thing to do. I'm miserable at work. I'm certain, and so is my therapist, that he is one of my top triggers. But I don't see a way out until I retire, quit or die. I'm hoping he either retires or goes somewhere else soon. So yeah...I have plenty of workplace stress...the bad kind. When we go at it, I don't cry...but I shake like a tree and always want to throw something or punch something. It makes me more angry than anything aside from someone messing with my family. My therapist asked me why I am spending so much energy on this when I know very well I will never be able to change his mind or make him even listen. Nobody likes this man and he is usually shot down with every genius idea he has...which makes him angry and then he begins going around process and tries to get his own way.

I am in hell at work...and I see no end in sight.

Wow, this sounds exactly like my situation 2 years ago. I was lucky because the guy was sent to another branch because he was upsetting everyone so much at my branch that productivity fell to almost zero and numerous people quit at the same time. Is it really not possible for you to talk to the CIO? That couldn't be worse than staying the way you feel now, could it?

[Darvula]

Greenfins,

I hope you can feel some immediate relief as you are now off work. I don't cry so much as get really angry. I shake with rage. I too don't respond well to criticism at work and internally I explode while externally I try to hide it. My heart races so bad I think I'm going to have a heart attack and then I get crippling headaches.

[Greenfins7]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

I'm sorry to hear this. I'm a teacher too - currently not working though, but that's another story.

I'm also a perfectionist and I'm extremely sensitive to criticism. I either get so sad I cry or so mad I get angry.

I've had Situations of "parent concerns" - but there are usually two sides to every story, isn't there.

Gifted children can also be extremely sensitive - especially when they feel that they are not meeting standards they have set for themselves or standards imposed on them by others. They want to be perfect. I don't think your comment was inaccurate. For this gifted child they may have felt that by "rushing" their work they have let themselves down. I do believe that the gifted child likely does not want to go to school, for a multitude of reasons, but not because you are insensitive. Gifted children have their own needs which can be difficult to reach if they're in a main stream class. Whilst some may like to downplay their talents and not want to be seen as the centre of attention for their differences, which is easily picked up by their peers making them become a subject of feeling different, others don't mind. And then there's the gifted child who has low EQ.

Sorry but I'm insure of what the term GT Class is - not a term that is used here.

I'm glad you went home. You sound like you need time out.

Try not let this whole situation let you down. I know how difficult this is for you. I have no doubt that you have been doing everything you know how to best accomodate this students needs. And you have clearly pointed out circumstances where the child has gone home and told the mother something that isn't entirely true. You know the truth.

Don't be so hard on yourself please. Take this time to get well.

Dear Hooligan, I think you're right all around. I appreciate your feedback. It helps me feel more sane. As my psychiatrist pointed out, this child is only ONE in a class with many students with needs. I'm no super-hero. I do everything I can, but it seems it is never enough. Hopefully, this time off will give me a new perspective. Would you accept a friend request? I don't have many friends on here. I just joined the community. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Greenfins7

[Greenfins7]

Originally Posted by kmptrgeek

I am a department manager and my boss, the department director, is a micromanager and an asshole to boot. I've been on the thin line of insubordination too many times to count. Of all his direct reports, I'm the only one that doesn't blindly follow his demands without questioning...and that makes him mad. I have a military background, so going up the chain and complaining to his boss (the CIO) is a very difficult thing to do. I'm miserable at work. I'm certain, and so is my therapist, that he is one of my top triggers. But I don't see a way out until I retire, quit or die. I'm hoping he either retires or goes somewhere else soon. So yeah...I have plenty of workplace stress...the bad kind. When we go at it, I don't cry...but I shake like a tree and always want to throw something or punch something. It makes me more angry than anything aside from someone messing with my family. My therapist asked me why I am spending so much energy on this when I know very well I will never be able to change his mind or make him even listen. Nobody likes this man and he is usually shot down with every genius idea he has...which makes him angry and then he begins going around process and tries to get his own way.

I am in hell at work...and I see no end in sight.

Dear kmptrgeek, I'm truly sorry you have to work for a boss like that! I'm glad you realize it's him, not you. Maybe you can find another job?? Your health is important. Don't risk jeopardizing your health for this job.

Best wishes,
Greenfins7

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Greenfins7

Hi everyone, I'm a teacher. I'm a perfectionist. I don't like criticism. Today my principa...ions. It happens to me ALL the time. Am I depressed? I don't even know. Thank you for reading this.

1610 days - is that calendar days or workday days 4.4 or 6.44 years. Perhaps teachers in your region do the same workdays, 195, as UK teachers, which would be even better. I would be inclined to to say 'Yessir!' (especially when they offer unsolicited praise) for such a short period after which you will be our own person. After all in the great order of things its all meaningless.

[kmptrgeek]

Originally Posted by Greenfins7

Dear kmptrgeek, I'm truly sorry you have to work for a boss like that! I'm glad you realize it's him, not you. Maybe you can find another job?? Your health is important. Don't risk jeopardizing your health for this job.

Best wishes,
Greenfins7

I appreciate it, Greenfins. The issue with changing jobs is, I have 13 years with this company (10 more than my boss) and I've made it to head of my department. I have incredibly good benefits, and my company pays me well. Do I let him beat me and move to a less desirable environment for my family, or do I just wait it out until everyone finally just gets tired of him? I wish I knew what to do.

[Greenfins7]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

1610 days - is that calendar days or workday days 4.4 or 6.44 years. Perhaps teachers in your region do the same workdays, 195, as UK teachers, which would be even better. I would be inclined to to say 'Yessir!' (especially when they offer unsolicited praise) for such a short period after which you will be our own person. After all in the great order of things its all meaningless.

HiManOfConstantSorrow, yes, that is calendar days. I can retire at the end of the 2018-19 school year, or even December of 2018 if I want to. You're absolutely right. The logical side of my brain tells me the same thing. Unfortunately, the emotional side always dominates my existence. Hopefully, therapy will help me remediate that. Thanks for the advice. Be well!

[Greenfins7]

That's a tough call, but if you're miserable, I say concede. Look or a job that you will enjoy more. Don't quit your current job, but never quit searching.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Greenfins7

Dear Hooligan, I think you're right all around. I appreciate your feedback. It helps me feel more sane. As my psychiatrist pointed out, this child is only ONE in a class with many students with needs. I'm no super-hero. I do everything I can, but it seems it is never enough. Hopefully, this time off will give me a new perspective. Would you accept a friend request? I don't have many friends on here. I just joined the community. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Greenfins7

Glad to have you as a friend

I was in the same boat as you. ONE student went in to complain about me with his mother. His side of the story was taken as the gospel truth. At this particular school I must have taught over 400 students. If what he was saying was true - I'd have had a heap of allegations pouring in from students and parents. But this one student painted me as a crap ***** student. Really wasn't fair. They wanted me in for a performance meeting before they even bothered to hear my side of the story. That's how I know that two sides to the story ALWAYS exist and the odd student may perceive things differently.

[Greenfins7]

Thank you for the friendship, Hooligan. Can I ask you about Lamatrogine? I just started taking it yesterday in small doses. How long does it take to work? I'm still very tearful for no real reason and intermittently happy and content.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Greenfins7

HiManOfConstantSorrow, yes, that is calendar days. I can retire at the end of the 2018-19 school year, or even December of 2018 if I want to. You're absolutely right. The logical side of my brain tells me the same thing. Unfortunately, the emotional side always dominates my existence. Hopefully, therapy will help me remediate that. Thanks for the advice. Be well!

Thanks for this, I admire your self-awareness.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Greenfins7

Thank you for the friendship, Hooligan. Can I ask you about Lamatrogine? I just started taking it yesterday in small doses. How long does it take to work? I'm still very tearful for no real reason and intermittently happy and content.

Hi Greenfins,

I've tried many many mood stabilizers but this one is a winner for me. Loving the lamatrogine.

Been on it since September since the one student allegation. I just ... Fell apart!

I started on 25mg and I increase it by 25mg per week. I'm currently on 225mg a week - tritating up to 300mg.

I'm still having sleep disturbances at night. I keep waking up. Pdoc wasn't sure if it was because I was taking the lamatrogine at night, because for select some, it can interfere with sleep, but I also think a lot has to do with my general anxiety and the fact that i don't have a job now.

So I've been experimenting with either taking half the dose at night and half the dose in the morning. That didn't really help. Recently I've tried the lamatrogine just in the morning. But I still wake up at night. Which is why I am thinking that it's not the lamatrogine that was causing the night time waking, it's the anxiety and future job prospects that I'm worried about.

[BipolaRNurse]

Job stress is a killer. It makes bipolar worse and puts enormous strain on people whose coping mechanisms may not be all that great in the first place. I've had to give up on work and apply for disability because I can't handle the stress anymore.

Maybe I could make it if I worked about 15-20 hours a week in a quiet office where I don't have to deal with phones, or multi-task, or manage competing priorities. But otherwise I'm SOL because I can't handle fast-paced environments, and isn't everything fast-paced nowadays? You read the Help Wanted ads on Craigslist and it's like employers are PROUD of the fact that they're fast-paced, while those of us who work at a slower speed can't get a job to save our souls.