Bi-polar and online friendships?

So, I've recently been through hell and back and the long story that goes with it starts like this:

It all started when I expressed my interest in a fellow forum member on a different forum. I was so stressed about it going south that I litterally wound up in the Emergency Room of the nearest hospital with severe abdominal pain (which turned out to be acid reflux from the sheer stress). When I told him about it, he said he didn't want to hurt me.

He was all for being in a relationship, but not being open about it with his family. Something about them being too nosy. That and he has an over protective older sis in law (why she chose to be over protective of someone she isn't even related to is beyond me).

I decided to ask the sis in law for her blessing and all hell broke loose. Suddenly, the guy wasn't at all interested in a relationship, and when I became so utterly depressed over having been through so much anguish and not having anything to show for it, and felt like hurting myself over the whole thing, he and his sis blocked me on Facebook.

Meanwhile, a mutual "friend" had made a separate group chat away from the main group chat our group had made to get away from my making my self harming thoughts publicly known. She never invited me to that group chat, despite saying it was for the groups' best interests and we would eventually be back together as one group chat.

Then, I wound up going to the hospital's Psyche Ward over being so emotionally distraught at both the loss of the "relationship" and being excluded from the group chat that I wanted to stupidly hurt myself.

After I made that known on the forum's mini chat, I was picked apart and constantly told advice from so many angles that despite asking for the advice to stop, I wound up being blamed and my chat privileges were taken away.

So, now I had a whole new reason to be upset.

The "mutual friend" who just so happened to be an admin on that site, also kept on taking my privilege to see the admin and moderator section away, which was very important to me as I helped to make the site what it was. Then, when I confronted her about it, via being told about it by another admin, she lied about it to me, saying she clicked the wrong button. When I asked why she lied, she said she was told not to tell me, which hurt me even more. She never did tell me why she lied to me.

So, now I'm compounded with even more grief, a "friend" who lied to me right to my face. I was so upset with her I said a few cross things, which in my state I shouldn't have done but I was so emotionally overwhelmed I couldn't help myself.

Eventually, because of those cross words, my title as a former admin on the site was revoked and I was made a regular member.

Anyways, then, she too, blocked me on Facebook. When I sent a few dozen apologies to her, to tell her I was very wholeheartedly sorry, she banned me from the site without even a warning.

Finally, adding to the misery, the last friend of our little "clique" that I was talking to, blocked me too. Mostly out of asking why the "mutual friend" had banned me without warning.

So now you know the whole twisted situation. I guess I should count my losses and just leave them high and dry and not try and get them to be my friends again, right?

I find it a lot easier to talk to people online via real life.

I know how it feels to be screwed over by ones you loved.

Honestly, if a guy doesn't want to be in a known relationship and says he cares about you, loves you etc. Forget about it, there really is no excuse, you shouldn't care about others when you care about someone on a level that you want to be with.

My ex gf who I met online was kinda the same, instead when she was pregnant with our child and was having a miscarriage she refused to tell me which hospital she was in and didn't want to see me, I felt utterly depressed that I took any pill I could get my hands on. I ended up going to the hospital (I was fine but I was hoping it'd do some damage)

As hard as it is, you will need to cut your loss, it sucks, it really ****ing sucks.

Tell me about it. I just wish they wouldn't be so damn petty. But alas, people will be like that. So yeah. I'm just trying to hold onto my sanity at this point. I'm seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist both. The therapist says to forget people I can't meet IRL. They aren't truly friends until you meet them IRL and they live close by.

That is a terrible therapist, regardless of distance we have relationships world wide.

I moved from Australia to Montreal Canada and live with 2 people that I met online as my room mates. If my therapist ever said that I'd tell them to go **** themselves. Regardless of distance, relationships can be made.

Hi Artchic

This is a very complex situation that seems to have progressively spiraled out of control.

I guess it's one of the dangers of the internet and making online "friends".

Unfortunately you really don't know who you are dealing with. Because of anonymity and lack of physical contact people can put on a persona that is not entirely themselves and is rather moulded into the persona they perceive you want to see.

I think this went one step further by making contact and befriending them on facebook. That opens up a whole new can of worms because it probably opens up whole new crossing of boundaries because a closer glimpse of the person can begin to shine through and it adds a bit more of a personal touch. You learn things like their real name, possibly where they live, photos of what they look like etc. It takes what was once an online forum to a whole different level.

I've learnt the hard way to be somewhat cautious about who I add as friends on facebook. I used to happily add "friends" but I must admit, for certain reasons, I unfriended them and have blocked some from access to my facebook account.

I think for him the boundary was crossed when you approached the sister in law as you had known beforehand his intent on his family knowing. I must admit, him not wanting his family knowing, is a red flag right there. He may have lead you on initially about wanting to be in a relationship or sent you mixed signals because he thought he was "safe" from anyone knowing.

I think you've had a nasty experience on the old forum. My best advice would be to stay far away from it. These people are not your "friends" as they lead you to believe and disposed of you. A real friend wouldn't really do that.

You'll certainly meet members on this forum - but remember that's who we are - members. We're here to offer advice and show you the much needed support that you need right now. You have the option to add members as friends here. But remember that's a gesture token of someone that cares for you and is willing to support you. Unfortunately it's an online friend which carries a very different connotation to friends you can make in real life. My advice for next time is probably not enter the notion that you're going to get into a relationship with someone you interact with on a forum. You've been burnt the hard way and I wouldn't want you to go through that awful experience ever again.

I'm always here to listen and offer you support.

Be well.

Oh dear. I'm sorry. You're going to hate my reply Ithikari. You are lucky that you befriended online friends in real life.

My response was erring on the side of caution due to the poster having been burnt by online friends in the past. I wouldn't want her going through that again.

Yeah....I just don't ever seem to learn my lesson. I always put all my eggs in the one basket and get burned. I guess it's my fault for putting all of said eggs into said basket.

I don't think its your fault per say and that's the kind of thinking that you need to work on eliminating in order to move forward from this ordeal.

I do think that HE had a large part to play in this situation.

I will agree with Hooligan though, always try to be cautious with people as a lot of people have alterior motives or just use you for self emotional gain (funny enough I made a poem about it a week ago)

Alot of people suck.

Then how will I know when to protect myself and when to allow new people into my life and not get burned again?

Is this a poem you'd be willing to share with us?

I've read your other post about bipolar and relationships and the poems you were writing a while ago.

If your poem fits the topic and wouldn't be seen as offensive to any member, and it's related to the topic of online friendship, you should share that creative side with us

Turns out it was two weeks ago, it does have some swearing in it.

Why am I too sweet
when left to die and root beneath
you only talk to me when you need
too benifiet your emotional plead
**** the suffocating of your greed
that **** is mentally exhausting me
How tangible is it to feel
the heart ripping then peel
the hatred inside, deep beneath
makes me want to rip out your teeth
So that you cannot lie right through them
my emotions arent no ****ing trend

It's not a matter of "when" you should protect yourself online.

It's a matter of ALWAYS protecting yourself online.

Nice poem. It fits my situation perfectly. I was used, plain and simple. My question now is, how will I know when to prevent someone from getting too close to my heart in the future if they are only out to use me, and, on the flipside, when someone is genuinely out to be my friend? How will I know the difference?

Wow. You express your thoughts and emotions well in poetry. It can be a very therapeutic outlet for you.

Ah.......I guess it's something I have to work on. Among many other things.

Now I just need to find some good friends to support me and back me up in this difficult time. Why are good friends so hard to come by?

Not all people in this world are out there to use you. You've had a bad experience. And you need to work through this with your therapist.

If it's someone you're meeting in real life, you could probably connect with their true persona in a very transparent manner. We have different attachment styles. Some people readily make friends with people they meet whilst others take a while before they get to know someone. That doesn't necessarily mean that people you meet in real life you have to keep away at arms length.

Stay away from being reeled in from people online.

Because a true friend is like a diamond. Rare and hard to find. And can last a lifetime.

A fake friend is like a can of cola. You can buy it at any store.

When it's come to online interaction, I've always tried to remain neutral as a personal barrier.

True.

But you let your guard down by thinking you were entering into a relationship with him.

I just want a good friend right now, to lean on and get support from. Is that so much to ask?

That's a perfectly good need and no it's not too much to ask.

We all need a friend.