[Talanic]

Recently I had a really manic episode that last a few days. I was really happy and as weird as it is for me I started hitting on this girl massively. (Normally don't do that) She seemed to enjoy it though so it's not like I annoyed anyone lol. But anyway, after a few days it all of a sudden changed and I got REALLY depressed out of no where. I started cutting myself, wanting to kill myself, I could hardly do anything, it was just really bad... Thought about going to the hospital but ended up not doing so because I really didn't want to be in the psychward yet again in the past 3 months. After a night of that, I started feeling a little better. But after a few days it came back again and I felt almost exactly the same way.

So I finally got to see my pdoc today. Just got back. The sad thing is I've tried every kind of mood stabilizer out there. They either don't work, or I get side effects so bad I have to stop. So she's giving me something that she's not even sure will work that well, she said this is "experimental" and isn't sure if it will work. I asked her what happens if this doesn't work. Then she said she's gonna recommend electroshock therapy. So this kind of really freaks me out. I mean if it comes to it (and I'm kind of expecting it) and it helps then that's good I guess... But the thought of that happening kind of freaks me out. I could use some support right now so I thought I'd post something :\

Thanks for listening.

[CANDC]

Talanic, I am sorry to hear how distraught you are.

Work with the pdoc. See what they suggest. There are different levels of EST so info will help allay your anxiety.

But the situation you describe sounds very serious and something must be done to try to stabilize the cycling.

If you want to try first aid, would suggest yoga or exercises to generate energy and a stronger presence in this moment. (youtube adrienne complete beginner yoga 20 minutes) or even Yoga in a dorm room can be done on a bed and chair.

[Talanic]

Thanks for the reply CANDC.

Yeah I've been doing some reading about it since getting home. Helped a bit to do some reading but still kind of freaks me out. Makes me feel like I've reached the last stitch effort. SO kind of scares me on what happens if all of this doesn't work. I've really tried everything.

But yes, I just want this cycling to stop. I understand it's serious because of how I feel and plus I've tried to kill myself before. Makes me worried I'll do something kind of stupid.

I go on walks and that's always nice. Helps a little. But sometimes when I'm depressed it freaks me out too much. You know, people and all. I'll try doing some exercises at home to see if that takes at least a little edge off. Thanks for the idea.

[wildflowerchild25]

I was in your situation in October. I got hospitalized yet again after failing on yet another mood stabilizer. I had had ECT years ago and it worked really well so I decided to try it again.

I've had 17 treatments in this series. It took at least 12 to start breakinge out of the horrifying depression I was in but eventually it worked. I have four more treatments left. I'm so glad I decided to do the treament.

Downside is memory is pretty messed up but that will get better with time.

I would go for it if the next thing you try doesn't work.