[ozzy1313]

22 years ago I was hospitalized on my 17th birthday for suicide plans. I have had ups and downs since then. I have had hundreds of wonderful times, hundreds of bad times...and 22 years later I am no better. I am in my basement crying. I guess I keep hoping this will be like a papercut and will heal over and be gone for good.

I was so good for about 6-7 months after dx and then the past 6 months have been awful. I just can't seem to feel better. I'm trying to remember if I am worse than before dx when I was only on Prozac but I can't remember. I just remember the past 3 years being angry and using pills and alcohol to cope. At least I don't do that anymore so that is a plus!

Sometimes it just feels like I am trapped in a glass box (a bell jar and watching everyone else yet unable to participate. No one even really knows how much I struggle. My husband knows when I am moody, but doesn't really understand. I work nights so use that as an excuse for leaving social events early or not going at all so my life seems just peachy keen on the outside.

Sorry to write a book but since I don't keep a journal my posts help me remember what is going on in my life

[CANDC]

Dear Ozzy, sorry to hear you are feeling so sad. But congratulations on getting your life back on track by letting go of alcohol. that is such a help not to self medicate.

I have a friend that had that trapped feeling. They were on the wrong medication and it took a couple tries to get the right one but eventually things evened out.

Thank you for sharing your story. Keep in touch with PC. People care here

[~Christina]

It's hard to not get wrapped up in the thought process of being like " I use to be"

My T once told me looking into the past and wanting to be "that person again" is just a terrible way to live. Everyone changes over time whether MI is there or not.

My advice in the here and now, Work with your pdoc on finding a good cocktail for you and work with a Therapist that will help you find coping skills and learn to let the past go and not take up so much space in your life now.

Bipolar sucks , a lot. But it cycles , it always does. Bipolar just doesn't fight fair