How do you hold down a job ?

That sounds very much like what I do, too. I am able to hold down a job. I do manage to keep myself in check most of the time at work. Luckily, working in education, I get breaks where I can have my melt-downs. I have trained my body to wait to implode until break. I never, ever work summer school either. Summer is usually somewhere between flying high and highly irritated.

I'm on intermittent FMLA and I usually go on med leave every year. I work full-time. I Have a M.S. and work a job that only requires a highschool diploma. Ive come to accept that I don't ever think I will be in my field because I miss so much and I can't even handle the stress of my current job. I have constant anxiety and I'm always angry because of stupid tiny bs that happens at work and then I bring it home. So basically I am never calm and relaxed because I obsess. I have to work this job, the money is great and so is the benefits, especially the health insurance. I'm basically surviving, but isn't that what we are all doing.

I wish I could work. I don't understand why I've gotten so much worse over the years. In my early twenties, it wasn't bad at all. The turning point seems to have been a miscarriage. After that, my whole life started to slowly crumble. Now at 40 there doesn't seem much hope that I'll ever work again. Won't stop me from trying to get there, though.

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I can't go back to teaching either as I was hospitalized and resigned in lieu of them firing me for having to be in the hospital. There is an off the record black list in my state which I'm now on due to that. The lawyer I had wasn't really looking out for me...didn't realize I wasn't really competent to sign any sort of legal agreement or resignation at the time.

No. Luckily I have a trust.