[Curiosity77]

I recently met up with a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist. I'm a mental health nurse, and we have worked together in a couple clinics. He did the end of his residency at a clinic i worked at, and we shared a lot of interesting and complex patients, and we were a really good team. He's brilliant and compassionate, the best psychiatrist i know (i know lots!), and he's taught me a lot over the years. He even took me on as a practicum student at the mood disorders unit in a local hospital when i was in my masters. Anyways, i consider him a bit of a mentor, as well as a friend, but i never told him anything about my own mental health. We used to go for drinks and get a little drunk, and talk about psychodynamics and theories, and it was awesome. During my preceptorship with him (5 years ago) i went into a depression, and was going through a break up. I told him i was starting wellbutrin, but not my diagnosis, and he said he didn't think it would help. I was in a daze, and just kind of following him around the hospital. Anyways, i didn't see him much over the next couple years, and during that time i went through mood cycling and a long hospitalization. After that i was on a lot of meds, and stopped drinking alcohol. He heard that i was off work for 6 months, and we went for coffee, and he clearly wanted to know what happened, but didn't cone right out and ask. The next time we hung out was several months after that, and we went to a pub with another friend, and they were drinking wine, and i ordered a cranberry and soda. After that we didn't see each other again until a couple months ago. We met up for drinks, again with the other friend, but he was late, so it was just us for 45 minutes. I ordered a non-alcohol drink again, so this time he asked about it. The reason for the no drinking is complicated, and relates to my illness and my work, and is embarrassing, and i didn't want to tell him the whole story. So i just said it's because i'm on a medication and i don't want to mix it. He asked about it, and when i answered again i said medications - and he said you went from medication, to medications... What happened? So i told him part of the story, and he was supportive, and said i should come talk to patients about my recovery, which i didn't want to do. Then he asked for some details, based on things he had heard a little about. Another long story, but i have another friend who is a psychoatrist and also bipolar, and our friendship got kind of weird around my hospitalization, and never got better, and finally ended because he said my non-compliance was throwing him off balance. So he asked me why that friendship had ended, and i said i couldn't tell him because i didn't want to talk behind the other friends back.

So then he our other friend arrived, who is one of his old classmates, and i work with him now, but don't know him super well. So the conversation becomes much lighter. So my friend says he is thinking of applying to come work at the program we are at, and i was trying to convince him to do it.

Afterwards i felt a little over exposed, and like maybe the conversation would be professionally damaging. I told him way more than i wanted to, because he is very good at getting people to talk (comes with being a good pdoc). Part of me wonders if he was asking those questions as a friend, or because he wanted details about things he would have heard as gossip. I don't know what rumours are out there floating around about me. It's bizarre being bipolar, and having most of my friends be psych social workers, nurses, and psychiatrists.

Anyways, there is no point to this post, i just wanted to tell the story.

[CANDC]

Curiosity, congrats on cutting out drinking and getting your situation stabilized.

Questions that came up for me is why you did not want to talk to patients about your recovery. Did you think it could compromise your job?

I would have felt overexposed after revealing much to a potential coworker. That is something I try to keep cordoned off from my personal life. Less private people than myself may have felt less inclined not to share, but I think keeping work and personal separate can be advantageous

That is why PC forum is a better bet for self revealing IMO.

[HALLIEBETH87]

*hugs!* Thank you for sharing

[kaliope]

from what you have posted, based on your long relationship, my radar tells me it is more out of caring for what is going on in your life than professional curiosity. even if he is trying to confirm rumors, if he has heard them, he is likely concerned about you. i am a social worker. being sick in this field i way overshared so many know about me. i have gotten more discrete now that i am stable. but the people in the field that do know me are very supportive and caring and concerned about where i am at and how i am doing and usually want updates on my progress. i run the local nami support group. it was kind of awkward when an exclient showed up, so i just pretended it wasnt, lol.

[Curiosity77]

Originally Posted by kaliope

from what you have posted, based on your long relationship, my radar tells me it is more out of caring for what is going on in your life than professional curiosity. even if he is trying to confirm rumors, if he has heard them, he is likely concerned about you. i am a social worker. being sick in this field i way overshared so many know about me. i have gotten more discrete now that i am stable. but the people in the field that do know me are very supportive and caring and concerned about where i am at and how i am doing and usually want updates on my progress. i run the local nami support group. it was kind of awkward when an exclient showed up, so i just pretended it wasnt, lol.

Yeah, i think it was out of caring and concern, not just interest from rumors. That's why i answered any of his questions, but i do worry what people think. Anyone i respect who works in mental health would not judge someone for having an illness, but there is always risk. I do trust him though, and i think it's ok for my friends to know this about me. I guess i also worry that people could attribute things i do to bipolar, or things like that. But i'm pretty sure it's ok.

[Curiosity77]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Curiosity, congrats on cutting out drinking and getting your situation stabilized.

Questions that came up for me is why you did not want to talk to patients about your recovery. Did you think it could compromise your job?

I would have felt overexposed after revealing much to a potential coworker. That is something I try to keep cordoned off from my personal life. Less private people than myself may have felt less inclined not to share, but I think keeping work and personal separate can be advantageous

That is why PC forum is a better bet for self revealing IMO.

I would like to be open with my patients, but only if it's in their best interest. If i think there is a therapeutic reason to tell them, like to help them with stigma, i would like to tell them. But there is the potential that it could make them uncomfortable. But i'm generally very vague, i'll just say i've had hard times too, or i've taken medication. Disclosing more than that could backfire, because i might trust that patient, but not some of the others, and the patients mostly all know each other. Also, talking about myself with patients could risk making the session about me, when the focus should be on them.

But he wasn't talking about me telling my patients. He runs a therapy group for people with bipolar, and i think he wanted me to talk to them. There is no cross over between my patients and his right now. I might do that eventually, but i'm not ready now. I'm still working on acceptance and my recovery, and i don't want to do anything publically that i could regret. At some point i might write about me experiences, but at this point things are too fresh and current. The day we hung out i felt really good, and would have seemed perfectly well. But i still cycle these days, just into depression now.

[Tucson]

Looks like you have a good friend in your mentor. I believe he has been very concerned about you.

PS: It is good to see you here again!

I would just stick with the option that it is out of caring. I tell everyone about my condition so they can make up their own minds about whether they want me in their lives.

I know I suffer from paranoia otherwise.

[Trippin2.0]

Maybe its out of curiosity and caring?


Could be he wonders how you effectively manage your symptoms while having a sustainable career in the MH field...

You could give him insight into his patients that no textbook ever could.


And that's not to say he doesn't care too, my friends, family and manager are curious and caring. Subsequently I don't mind sharing details when they have questions about my experiences.


Since you two have such a longstanding relationship, have you thought to ask him what the motivation is behind his line of questioning? Just a suggestion, as it's something I would personally do if I was unsure of whether or not there were ulterior motives.


Glad to see you posting again

[Trippin2.0]

Hope you're feeling better about this whole situation.

[~Christina]

Im falling into the camp of.... he is genuinely concerned about you on a friend level. I don't see this as him digging for info to understand a rumor mill? Which I really doubt there is one churning around. You do have the monitoring going on , but that's not public knowledge. Just seems hes no where in a loop with your daily life and wanted to talk.

I do think it would be very hard for you to insert your personal dealings with MI with your patients , as yes the focus needs to be on the patient. I'm sure you have said " I had a client once that did XYZ" and maybe that client is "you". But the focus is always on your patients. Your a professional that really cares about her patients. They are lucky to have you.

I'm glad you came and posted about the situation here. Always good to just unload and get some feedback.

I hope that your able to look back over the conversation and find that yeah he wasn't giving you a "free session" and just an ole friend/coworker that was just concerned.

Glad to see you

[Curiosity77]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Im falling into the camp of.... he is genuinely concerned about you on a friend level. I don't see this as him digging for info to understand a rumor mill? Which I really doubt there is one churning around. You do have the monitoring going on , but that's not public knowledge. Just seems hes no where in a loop with your daily life and wanted to talk.

I do think it would be very hard for you to insert your personal dealings with MI with your patients , as yes the focus needs to be on the patient. I'm sure you have said " I had a client once that did XYZ" and maybe that client is "you". But the focus is always on your patients. Your a professional that really cares about her patients. They are lucky to have you.

I'm glad you came and posted about the situation here. Always good to just unload and get some feedback.

I hope that your able to look back over the conversation and find that yeah he wasn't giving you a "free session" and just an ole friend/coworker that was just concerned.

Glad to see you

I feel better about it now. I was obsessing a little after telling him, especially since i only told him part of the story, so I don't really know if i said the right thing, I told him a little about the monitoring, but not the extent of it, or any details about the reason that was put in place. Thankfully i only have 4 months of monitoring left, so the end is in sight! Crazy to still be dealing with the repercussions of a hospitalization 3 years after the fact. He told me something I didn't know though, which is if a person is picked up by police for mental health reasons they get a criminal record, which can make it difficult to travel or work in some jobs. So he asked me if i have a criminal record from it, but I'm lucky i don't. The police weren't involved, my friends brought me to hospital, and i was cooperative.