[PsychSearcher0]

I suffer from frequent mood swings since high school (I'm 20 now).
When I'm feeling down I have all the symptoms of clinial depression, suicidal thoughts included, and I fear I might give in to those if I have a very bad episode and I happen to be alone.
When I'm feeling up it's like hypomania, not mania. I feel like I am perfectly mentally healthy, I think I can now move on with my life and achieve things I want, no sad thoughts at all. I feel full of energy and optimism.
I also feel normal a lot of the time. Most of the time I'm depressed though.

But the thing is those episodes are way too short to diagnose bipolar, according to the DSM book. My doctor said he doesn't want to diagnose me yet, that it's too early and we have to first see how I react to meds (escifulopram, probably because I also have OCD and frequent anxiety). So far (2nd day) I don't think they do anything. They might have weakened the OCD but this might be placebo since they supposedly take at least aweek to kick in.
Right now I am going up on the swing, to the normal mood level I think. Still somewhat sad but I don't feel like crying any more. I feel like acting. I think I'll start writing a blog on PC. I enjoy writing about how I feel it really does make me feel better.

My episodes of altered mood usually take 2-4 hours.
I'd say my mood is roughly 30 % of the time normal, 50 % depressed and 20 % hypomanic. I would not say it's manic, since I've read it is a much stronger state than what I experience.

My morning was great today.
Woke up feeling like a king of the world. I could hear music in my ears. Not as an auditory hallucination, just imagining beatiful music.
I broke down 3 hours later. Cried. Felt hopeless. Now I'm coming back to normal.

Is it possible that I am somehow bipolar ?
My doctor didn't diagnose me yet.

If I am, how can I deal with it ? Does anyone here know escifulopram ? This mental state has ruined my life. It went from pretty good to terrible, I feel like I have no future.

[Moogieotter]

Hello,

Welcome to PC. You'll find lots of good people sharing their experiences here. Sounds to me like you have done a great job educating yourself, reading DSM, etc. as well as tracking your moods. You also are working directly with a psychiatrist aka "pdoc" - this is a wise move. Many people waste a great deal of time chasing their tails. You seem to be on top of it.

There are ultra rapid cycling variants of bipolar, but I don't have any experience with them. Some others can chime in on it for sure.

I tend to be very pragmatic about it all. "Normal" people experience mood swings, moment to moment and over periods of time - it comes down to affecting your functioning and overall quality of life. Sounds like you at least have some struggles with that.

Best wishes and keep us posted.

moogs

[Moogieotter]

I did a quick search and found that escifulopram goes by the brand name Lexapro. I was on this SSRI Anti-depressant for about 7 years. It's a fine drug and usually starts working in a couple of weeks. For me, it helped a great deal with depression.

If you are bipolar, many would say that an SSRI alone is risky to send you into mania/hypomania, others have great success. Often SSRIs are combined with Mood Stabilizers in bipolar people in the depressive phase. Lots of good information here about all that.

moogs

[bunnifoo]

Most medications will take a few weeks before you see any changes. So that takes time. I agree with Moogieotter, if your doctor isn't a psychiatrist you should try to find one. It can be hard (depending on where you live) or if not a pdoc then a psychiatric nurse practioner. You want someone who is well versed in psychiatric conditions and meds.

I have never had luck with antidepressants. Although my mood swings were mostly depression with hypomania and occasional mania anti depressants made everything worse. My previous 2 pdocs refused to consider them even in conjunction with a mood stabilizer.

Diagonsing mental health issues can be tricky. I've been diagnosed with depression, atypical depression, bipolar disorder, and most recently my ex pdoc (who i broke up wtih last week) said I have PTSD brought on by childhood tramua that caused bipolar disorder like symtoms (although he can't say what the trauma was and we've ruled out abuse)The pdoc before him (who I adored and wish I could still see) said I had pretty much textbook bipolar disorder.

So next week I'm seeing a psychiatric nurse practioner for meds management and see hwat her diagnosis is.

It can be long and twisting road.

[PsychSearcher0]

Idk about the ultra-rapid cycling bipolar. Mainly because it's still too fast. Ultra-rapid people should have at least 24 hours or so between the changes.
And I have been "chasing my tail" or pretending the issue doesn't exist for years. Mostly because in hypomanic mode I feel like I'm perfectly fine. Twice I was about to start medications and resigned, once literally at the pharmacy's doors.
Now that it got unbearable is when I finally acknowledged the problem.
On the positive side of today, I managed to go out to do some groceries. Feels like I don't have to eat at all when I'm in this state. It will probably pass in a few hours though, so I decided I'd rather have something to eat when my appetite is back.

[PsychSearcher0]

Originally Posted by bunnifoo

Most medications will take a few weeks before you see any changes. So that takes time. I agree with Moogieotter, if your doctor isn't a psychiatrist you should try to find one. It can be hard (depending on where you live) or if not a pdoc then a psychiatric nurse practioner. You want someone who is well versed in psychiatric conditions and meds.

I have never had luck with antidepressants. Although my mood swings were mostly depression with hypomania and occasional mania anti depressants made everything worse. My previous 2 pdocs refused to consider them even in conjunction with a mood stabilizer.

Diagonsing mental health issues can be tricky. I've been diagnosed with depression, atypical depression, bipolar disorder, and most recently my ex pdoc (who i broke up wtih last week) said I have PTSD brought on by childhood tramua that caused bipolar disorder like symtoms (although he can't say what the trauma was and we've ruled out abuse)The pdoc before him (who I adored and wish I could still see) said I had pretty much textbook bipolar disorder.

So next week I'm seeing a psychiatric nurse practioner for meds management and see hwat her diagnosis is.

It can be long and twisting road.

My doctor is a pdoc. Supposedly quite a good one. I've seen him once so far, he made a good impression on me. He's in his 50s and has plenty of experience, so I pretty much trust him.
I wish he diagnosed me but he said it's too early and at this point there is no point in "putting a label on it". He strongly recommended me to go back to my therapist with whom I "broke up" before Christmas, to try one more time before I change to a different one. Not like I have any serious choice though, very few therapists where I live.

[Confusedinomicon]

I was pretty much like that when I was 20. Do you notice your mood change on it's own or do things that happen in your life trigger mood changes? I have low-grade depression most of the year compounded with chronic anxiety. Let him work on whAt he sees then work towards a dx of whatever.

You can get racing thoughts and looped obsessive thinking with anxiety which can switch moods rapidly. For instance I watched blackfish (this documentary was pretty triggering in hindsight) and became obsessed with sea world controversy. I couldn't even sleep well because I couldn't stop thinking about it and I kept rereading the same thing over and over in a kind of compulsion. Does this sound similar to anything you're experiencing?

[PsychSearcher0]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

I was pretty much like that when I was 20. Do you notice your mood change on it's own or do things that happen in your life trigger mood changes? I have low-grade depression most of the year compounded with chronic anxiety. Let him work on whAt he sees then work towards a dx of whatever.

You can get racing thoughts and looped obsessive thinking with anxiety which can switch moods rapidly. For instance I watched blackfish (this documentary was pretty triggering in hindsight) and became obsessed with sea world controversy. I couldn't even sleep well because I couldn't stop thinking about it and I kept rereading the same thing over and over in a kind of compulsion. Does this sound similar to anything you're experiencing?

It's very relieving to sound that someone went through something similar.

I am not sure if they are always trigerred, but sometimes they are. Today I was browsing university courses and this change occured because I got anxious about the future. Had a very hard day because of it, my mood didn't get better till late evening. When I was in school and this happened I skipped classess. Sitting in a class was mentally very painful to me. I often reacted with agression in this state, but not any more (I think it's because of the teenage hormones). Almost failed because of the amount of hours I skipped.
However sometimes I wake up in a specific mood or the change has no clear trigger as far as I can tell, and is almost instantenous. I start getting intruted by a negative thought, I can't get it out of my head, it gets stronger and before I know it I feel fully depressed. It happens the other way around too.

I am familiar with obsesive loops. I know a few things that can trigger them and they also don't let me sleep at nights. They're quite rare for me, a few times each month I guess. Example: there were some things I wanted to buy and I had no budget for all of them. I obsessed for 2 days about which one should I get and which I should skip, making lists in my head and constantly changing them because it never seemed to be good enough, until it was suddenly gone and my head cleared up.

You know what I am seriously obsessed with ? With death. It's very sad for me. I can't get thoughts about it out. I started having those thoughts sometimes like 2 years ago, but now they're almost constant. Even when I feel good those thoughts tend to pop up randomly ruining my mood.

Have you looked at the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder? Your swings are much like theirs and can have elements of OCD and anxiety.

Meds are not really an effective treatment for BPD, therapy is the best option

[pepper2009]

Finding the right dx and med combo can take some time. With the amount of access to information, it is easy to self diagnose but may not be accurate. Work with your pdoc and take his advice about seeing your therapist. You may be experiencing a lot of unrest due to terminating your relationship with your therapist. If you need to find someone new, do it. Med's help but don't solve all the issues. Keep blogging if that helps. Keep a mood journal as well and try to pinpoint your triggers.

I wish you the best.

[Confusedinomicon]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Have you looked at the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder? Your swings are much like theirs and can have elements of OCD and anxiety.

Meds are not really an effective treatment for BPD, therapy is the best option

Meds can help you get to a point where you're able to deal with emotional stuff because it can blunt the intensity and frequency of the emotion. But, you are right in therapy helping.

Don't self-diagnose yourself with -anything- though. Don't make suggestions to your doctor either. Just attend and be honest and you'll get to the root faster. However, regardless of that, it takes a willingness to change.

[~Christina]

Anything is possible when it comes to any kind of Mental health problem. While medications are being tried is also the time to start learning coping skills.. You will need those no matter what if any diagnosis is made.

Well, people mental illness or not , everyone needs coping skills to manage our busy lives. Meditation, Mindfulness, Self grounding, Breathing skills, Exercise, Diet , Sleep Hygiene and the list goes on and on.

Work on treating the symptoms not a diagnosis whatever it may or may not be is always the best way to approach this kind of situation.

Good luck !