[Ruftin]

I have an unusual situation with my primary care physician. I work with him indirectly (I have to contact him via phone when one of his patients is in distress, which can be on a daily basis, because my facility has a lot of his patients), and I also see him as my personal physician. I usually see him in his office for myself every 3 months to have my prescriptions written. I take narcotics, so when the law came into place where I live that physicians needed to see any patients taking narcotics once a month, I had to see him once a month to get those prescriptions. He came right out one day and asked me why I was calling him all the time and in his office so frequently, and stated without a smile that I was stalking him. I have never been anything but professional with him when calling about his patients and the call has always resulted in him giving me orders. I have never seen him in his office without leaving with a prescription in my hand. How is that stalking?? I have avoided him like the plague ever since and have resorted to seeing his nurse practitioners. When I do go to his office and he sees me waiting in
in a room to be seen, he goes out of his way to come in and say hi, how are you. Does this sound like someone who feels he's being stalked. This happened many years ago and I still can't get past that accusation. He has a right to his own feelings. Was I acting like a stalker and didn't realize it because of my mental illness? Do other people feel the same way but are just too polite to say it. I was so embarrassed and hurt. I still am. I avoid men like the plague. I don't want to send out the wrong signals.

[wing]

Oh my! To be more comfortable around him I think I would ask him why he said that. Since you see him monthly as a patient, I think one of those visits would be the place to discuss it. And as soon as possible!

[Victoria'smom]

Can you find a new doctor that isn't self centered?

[Ruftin]

It happened so many years ago and it was so traumatizing. I don't think I could bear to bring it up to him. I'd be in tears and make a spectacle of myself and maybe he would think I needed to be admitted into a mental ward as he is the one indirectly monitoring and managing my psych meds in lieu of a psychiatrist. Thanks for your advice!!!

[Ruftin]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Can you find a new doctor that isn't self centered?

Thank you. I did think he might have an ego problem. I'm not certain though. He is very soft spoken and polite. It looks as though he really thought I was a stalker.

[~Christina]

If this issue is years old now , and your still bothered you should address it in Therapy. Lots of lousy Doctors out there , but you are still lugging around baggage, Time to put that to rest.

Good luck

[Ruftin]

Thank you so much Christina. I've read some of your posts and you are so kind and caring. Your spirit is so gentle. I was hoping I could address it here. I don't have a therapist as I am terrified of letting people in face to face. I have such a wall up and I don't trust anyone I have to pay for advice. I feel as though I am paying them to care about me. It seems so unnatural. I've been to therapists. I just can't get comfortable. That is not to say that therapy is not effective for those who see one. I'm just an anomaly.

[Justugh]

1 change the doctor
2 start recording where u are at what time and make sure u have a 3rd party to say yes they were there
3 get a order of no contact from the court system against him
4 get a recording app for your cell phone (if they call u u record them this is contact after the no contact order that means jail time for them)

[~Christina]

It's hard to find a good T. But seeing a T takes time, to find a good fit and time to be able to open up.

Honestly I have no problem paying for advice, The are usually very logical. and see things I can see.

Even if you dont see a T, talking here can help , you can PM me anytime.

Thank you for the compliments

[Ruftin]

He doesn't bother me at work or at his office. I maintain a very professional work/patient relationship with him. It's my feelings that I'm having an issue with. I want to not care so much about what he thinks. I don't know why I do. I'm certainly not attracted to him in any way other than I think he is a very well educated doctor. He's very kind to his patients and with the staff. So why so harsh with me?

[Tucson]

When he opened his mouth noise came out. Unimportant and meaningless. Senseless. I would just maintain a professional relationship with him. He is there to provide a service that he is being paid for and nothing more.

[wiretwister]

Letting things go is a problem for me also,, but you have too,,talking it out can really be helpful,,you need to try,,if not a t find a friend, a minister, talk to us here,,find someone your comfortable with

[Ruftin]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

Letting things go is a problem for me also,, but you have too,,talking it out can really be helpful,,you need to try,,if not a t find a friend, a minister, talk to us here,,find someone your comfortable with

Why do we care so much? That's what I don't understand. If he were a mean person, I don't think it would have bothered me. But he's not like that..... Or maybe he is and I just saw the other side of him that day!!!!! I think I figured it out. I need to stop putting people up on pedestals. Thank you all so much. See, I don't need a therapist. I just need you!!!! Thanks PC,

[Trippin2.0]

I don't have anything sensible to add regarding how to overcome this and let go, but wanted to say this:


For years, I was very against the whole idea of therapy, my perceptions and reasoning were different to yours, but they still limited me greatly.


I however chose to change how I thought of therapy, and thought I could perhaps share a different perspective with you, in the hopes that it may help you at some point.


A therapist is a service provider, the service he or she offers is not that of friendship, therefore a client is never paying someone to care about them.


(Personally,its irrelevant to me whether they care about me or not, all I care about is "can you do the job", as I am extremely goal orientated where therapy is concerned.)


Services a client pays for include unbiased insight, guidance, lessons on acquiring coping skills etc....


Hope that is of some help to you, because if the only thing stopping you from seeking therapy is a skewed thought process, then I do believe you're robbing yourself of something that could be very beneficial to you.

[Ruftin]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I don't have anything sensible to add regarding how to overcome this and let go, but wanted to say this:


For years, I was very against the whole idea of therapy, my perceptions and reasoning were different to yours, but they still limited me greatly.


I however chose to change how I thought of therapy, and thought I could perhaps share a different perspective with you, in the hopes that it may help you at some point.


A therapist is a service provider, the service he or she offers is not that of friendship, therefore a client is never paying someone to care about them.


(Personally,its irrelevant to me whether they care about me or not, all I care about is "can you do the job", as I am extremely goal orientated where therapy is concerned.)


Services a client pays for include unbiased insight, guidance, lessons on acquiring coping skills etc....


Hope that is of some help to you, because if the only thing stopping you from seeking therapy is a skewed thought process, then I do believe you're robbing yourself of something that could be very beneficial to you.

You're absolutely right...

[Hexagram]

New here. Accusing you of stalking him was so out of line in context that it suggests that his judgment was compromised... was he having a bad day? Does he have a mental or emotional disorder of his own? His remark hurt you so deeply and for so long; is it really possible that this effect was intentional? You owe it to yourself to clear the air over this if you can; would it be possible to address the issue with him directly and express how much his remark hurt you? You might be surprised and relieved to find that he hadn't meant the accusation to be taken literally or seriously. I've said a thousand things that I wish I could later qualify or retract, and many things have been said to me that hurt deeply but that I haven't had the courage or opportunity to question or challenge. As both your physician and co-worker, this guy owes you an apology.

[Junia]

A doctor told me a long time ago - "Junia, any given situation can be seen in a hundred different ways, 99 of which are probably wrong." I've tried for a long time to see multiple possibilities in a situation, with varying success.

Here are some alternative possibilities.
Maybe he made a very poor joke
Maybe was was making a mediocre joke that would have been obvious if you could have seen his eyes.
Maybe he was upset with someone else at your facility and stupidly took it out on you.
Maybe you misheard him.
Maybe his stern face and tone were part of his intended, very poor joke.
Maybe he was speaking for the benefit of a nurse or other staff member who really was stalking him!

I do know what it's like to have that stomach-clench that lasts for years - I have one that goes back to 1987. But it can be really helpful to look again, and imagine a new interpretation. It is for me, anyway.

[Ruftin]

Originally Posted by Hexagram

New here. Accusing you of stalking him was so out of line in context that it suggests that his judgment was compromised... was he having a bad day? Does he have a mental or emotional disorder of his own? His remark hurt you so deeply and for so long; is it really possible that this effect was intentional? You owe it to yourself to clear the air over this if
; would it be possible to address the issue with him directly and express how much his remark hurt you? You might be surprised and relieved to find that he hadn't meant the accusation to be taken literally or seriously. I've said a thousand things that I wish I could later qualify or retract, and many things have been said to me that hurt deeply but that I haven't had the courage or opportunity to question or challenge. As both your physician and co-worker, this guy owes you an apology.

I get tearful when I experience deep sadness & intense anger, both of which I feel towards him regarding this issue. He manages my psych meds and I don't want him to think my meds are not working and make changes or refer me to a psychiatrist. I guess I could address this issue with him indirectly via a written letter, and mail it to his office.

Thank you for helping me consider this option.

[Ruftin]

Originally Posted by Junia

A doctor told me a long time ago - "Junia, any given situation can be seen in a hundred different ways, 99 of which are probably wrong." I've tried for a long time to see multiple possibilities in a situation, with varying success.

Here are some alternative possibilities.
Maybe he made a very poor joke
Maybe was was making a mediocre joke that would have been obvious if you could have seen his eyes.
Maybe he was upset with someone else at your facility and stupidly took it out on you.
Maybe you misheard him.
Maybe his stern face and tone were part of his intended, very poor joke.
Maybe he was speaking for the benefit of a nurse or other staff member who really was stalking him!

I do know what it's like to have that stomach-clench that lasts for years - I have one that goes back to 1987. But it can be really helpful to look again, and imagine a new interpretation. It is for me, anyway.

Junia, I'm so glad you're here. I really enjoyed your introduction post. You gave me a good laugh!!!

Yes, everything above is a possibility.

One day he was making rounds and came into the room of a patient while I was inserting a urinary catheter...he, the Dr. immediately turned around and exited the room, which was appropriate to give the patient privacy, and then I guess he reconsidered and he re entered the room. I then accused him of stalking me!!!! He barked out, "I am not." "I barked out, "It does seem so." I guess we have a hate, hate thing going on now, although I still have a great respect for him. He is a brilliant Dr. I think he may have been having a bad day and took it out on me.

Thank you for helping me arrive at this conclusion as well. It gives me a lot to think about. I think I need to just let it go. The next time I see him in his office, I should just go over to him and give him a full on the mouth kiss. If he's going to accuse me, I might as well get something out of it. He can't have me committed for that. Tee Hee.

[Fuzzybear]

I do think it sounds like he has an ego problem . I'm sorry this happened to you

Originally Posted by Ruftin

Thank you. I did think he might have an ego problem. I'm not certain though. He is very soft spoken and polite. It looks as though he really thought I was a stalker.