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#1
Jan 26, 2015, 02:07 PM
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As im entering a time of stability AND knowledge after pretty much a long period of either hypo/manic/mixed or depressed im trying to figure some things out
I feel like i lost who i was in the chaos, with my mood state taking over every aspect of my life. I also had alit of manufactured happiness via hypo/mania or i was encompassed by craziness or i couldnt do anything to move out of the resulting depression Now um trying to find what truly brings me authentic and not chemical happiness And well...basically i think im confused lol
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
 Homeira
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#2
Jan 26, 2015, 04:56 PM
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I think that's a rough question to answer. Any happiness is chemical happiness.
Do you mean to say you're looking for your authentic self?
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"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression. Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type). Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD. Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety. Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out. MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . . Well, at least I still have my sense of humor. 
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#3
Jan 26, 2015, 05:45 PM
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I have a definite point in my life that defines what my "normal"/ authentic self is. I did not start to have any bipolar symptoms until I was in my mid-thirties. So before that I feel like I was living what I would call a normal life. Career, parenthood, traveling, family, hobbies, etc... a pretty full life, even if it was not a perfectly happy one in all ways, since my ex-husband was very abusive at times. But I have found that after I was diagnosed with BP almost five years ago, I have had to find a new normal. Now I can only work for short periods of time, most of the time I am pretty debilitated from depressive episodes. So I took a long time to accept that I had to give up on some of my career goals. I used to be a very driven person in terms of work. And I had a pretty decent income. All that went away! The only thing I can say I have been able to continue to do to my satisfaction is to be a parent. Last year I was able to do some traveling though, but it has completely worn me out now!
So that was way too much! Eventually I had to find a new normal/ authentic self. For me it is really important to have someting to call normal, as to distinguish the BP-episodes. And what I have found to work as a standard there, is to look for the things that makes me happy. What in my life is most revarding, most meanigful to me? And then I see that when I am in a depressed state, those things become almost impossible. I try to build my goals for my future around these things. What is rewarding to me... that must be what feels most authentic to me, that must what is the closest to my true self. And as far as happiness goes, I must say that my definition of happy is to be able to live in a way that is the closest to my true self. |
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#4
Jan 26, 2015, 06:32 PM
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the answer is become a monk or a nun
as the one person said all happiness is a chemical reaction in the brain ......infact all emotional states can be linked to a set amount of chemicals in the brain u seek what every man/women has looked for on this planet since the dawn of time...tho the answer is simple only some figure it out ........be happy with what u have ......look at a kid no fancy toys no gizmos ....put them outside and give them a stick and rock watch what happens every culture on this planet they are happy in the act of play so as a adult u have 2 choices monk/nun or be happy with what u have as for work if u do something u love u never work a day in your life it is more play .....so figure out what u love what makes u happy and see if u can find work in that area (that is the tricky part figuring out that part might mean u moving from everything u know to find work ) the monk/nun is the fall back sure fire way to find peace and happiness ......the simple fact u give it all up (i mean items and the rat race that is life) and the rest of life just in helping out and thinking |
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#5
Jan 26, 2015, 06:57 PM
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Thz for the replies guys!
I guess i mean for a long time i didnt have to work for the happiness because the upswing always came.....with a heavy price. Now i am trying to stay stable which i have never really done because i guess i forgot how to. You all made very good points and ill take them with me on this journey forward 
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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