Help me help my husband. Its bad.

Recently I'm realizing my husband could very well be bp. His behavior us erratic. Sleep is all over the place. I never know who I'm going to get. He is refusing to get treatment.

I can sort of understand why in a way as I was misdiagnosed with all sorts of psych things (bp 1 sza) and it was not until I got very sick that actual medical testing was done and it was found I actually have temporal lobe epilepsy. So he has also had to watch as I tried psych med after psych med not help, the side effects etc.

I can see this all ending badly. I'm trying to be gentle. I discreetly suggest plently of alternative things but he knows exactly what my angle is and dismisses me. The other day I simply smiled at him he got scared yelled " you think I'm crazy" and stormed outside.

I don't want to have to call crisis and get him evaluated and possibly inside the unit for a bit if he continues ( there's a lot more going on). He could lose his job. I know that wouldn't be entirely legal of his employer but it happens.

How do I deal with this effectively? How do you want to be treated in a crisis?

If I'm losing it, best thing you can do for me is hospilize me because it'll never get better, regardless of my responsibilities.

First I like to be asked what's wrong. Have you asked him what's wrong in a non-accusatory, non-confrontational way, from a place of concern and empathy?

I really sympathise with your situation. My ex-husband had untreated bipolar and for nearly a decade I tried to encourage him to seek help but he refused. It is a lot more complicated than that as I also had bipolar without realizing it but was seeking treatment all the time (just had idiot doctors and therapists). In the end I had to leave him as his delusions cost me dearly and I had a breakdown. I hated having to leave him but I had to survive. That was over 2 years ago and I still love him and hope he will get treatment, and even wish we could get back together somehow even though my T and pdoc strongly recommend against it. It is so difficult watch when you love someone so deeply.
Your husband obviously needs treatment. Is there anyone else that he will listen to? Maybe you should try therapy just to help yourself to get through this as I know hoe stressful it can be.

A person won't seek help and accept it as long as they are in denial. One can make ultimatums like seek help or no sex for you! Or I'm going to mommas till you do! Just suggesting.

I can't help you help your husband; I don't have that kind of information. But I will pass on some advice from 10 years ago: take care of yourself. keep your car keys in your pocket, in case things get ugly quickly and you need to get out.

Help your husband if you can, yes, but take care of yourself first.

I wish I really could help.

Hi there! I believe you that something not so great is happening, and it is certainly possible that your husband should pursue some sort of treatment, however, I did not learn a lot from what you wrote. His sleep is all over the place, his behavior and mood is erratic, and he believes you think he's crazy and is not receptive to your overtures, but honestly a totally sane person could feel that way depending on the stimuli in the environment. For example, mid life crisis are a normal part of life for a lot of people, it does not make them crazy or bipolar. Bipolar is very specific. If you are bipolar, and you are feeling OK, almost no matter WHAT happens, you are headed for a crash. Sleep, diet, meditation, exercise, medication, therapy, those are all good things to do, but the bipolar doesn't just wander into the woods, even in the best of times.

In my case I feel ok, then I feel great, then I'm on top of the world, I'm a genius, I'm changing my field, I'm not just going to the subway, I running, I'm lecturing to myself under my breath, my ideas are superlative and stunning, my friends are enchanting, but then I am pedantic, and then confused, and then irritable, then irate, then mean, then explosive, when it's bad, self destructive, and that can end really badly, and then depressed, dead to the world, cannot get up, I hate myself, I am a fool, how could I ever have thought those things, I am a failure. And then, sure as the sun rises in the morning, I am cleaning the house, listening to NPR, then I am ON NPR, and my ideas are amazing and then...

Repeat...

No matter what!

All of this is to say, if I had a bit more information, I could comment on whether I thought your husband was bipolar and how to help him. If you care to provide that, I am here! If he is, it is very important that he get help. If not, it is important not to project that. Either way, I think it is great that you came on CC!

I hope something I said helps provide some perspective or something.
Sending you strength!
<3
MT

I agree with Manic Trance... Are you able to supply more info?

Thank You. This most recent dust up start up happened after I had a car accident. He was not involved. As I was leaving to go deal with the car which I HAD to go do at that specific time as its our only car he blurted something out. When I came back I sat down with him to talk to ask whats really going on. I got smoke and mirrors from that point on.

Thank You. I love him dearly but he is so stubborn. He will not take advice from anyone if it contains the least bit of constructive criticism. He really won't listen to anyone, family, friends etc. I do see a therapist and I recently talked to her about separation and how guilty I feel about even mentioning it. She had mentioned she would be surprised if I hadn't mentioned it.

Yeah I know and that's the problem. His denial that mental illness is real. Back when we all thought that I was bipolar his attitude toward that was along the lines of "snap out of it" although he never said those exact words. Now that its been confirmed via EEG and MRI that its seizure activity/epilepsy and not mental illness that causes my "episodes" there's been a change in how he treats me. And that makes me bitter.

Thanks. I have started putting in housing applications in places that I would like to live as the waiting lists are long. I am starting to prepare for separation as I am fully willing to support him through getting whatever help he needs but I cannot live with someone who denies there is a problem.

Thank You. I'm very familiar with bp, although I am not a fellow traveler many of my relatives have to deal with profound bp and I have inpatient admissions than I can count at this point back from when the psychiatrists thought I was bp.

My MIL is also bp. I know this is circumstantial evidence at this point. As for hard evidence, he comes home from work and creates a lot of new music, that great. Hes also been buying a lot of new clothes, not so great for our budget. Those clothes happen to be women's clothes. I do understand trans issues and am accepting. Trying to have a conversation with him is difficult. Its hard to follow his train of thought and this more than anything is what concerns me.

As for the the midlife crisis thing, I know those do happen but my husband is too young, not of the economic class where those flourish nor of the ethnic background of which those seem to be a problem. Even so, if he wishes to throw away a good thing on some sort of last grasp at unlived youth, he knows where the door be.