[Becoming]

For at least a consistent week I have woken up very depressed and pretty angry. Mind you, my sleep schedule and med schedule has not been consistent (I have been tracking it), but right now I just have this uncontrollable rage. I would say I'm just grumpy, but I know that it's more.

There's days when I'm saying nasty things to/about myself and others inside my head. Very rarely does it come out though (thank goodness). Today, however, I feel like I have less control and could potentially lash out if triggered/annoyed by something.

Yesterday a friend was kind of pushing my buttons. She always does even though she doesn't mean to. She has the tendency to make me feel stupid or look like she is annoyed with me. I'll be doing something silly and she'll want me to stop when everyone else is pretty much fine with it. I don't like when I'm being harmless and having fun (which I rarely get to do) and people tell me to stop. Today is a day I would get angry and say something about it. The chances of me doing anything fun/silly today when in this mood are very slim though.

I just don't want to bite anyone's head off or do anything stupid. I'm feeling somewhat suicidal as well because I'm so sick of this damn Bipolar monster taking over. I seriously cannot always control it and I hate not having control. I want to win. I don't want this Bipolar to win my life. And it's winning right now because I'm so angry and depressed.

I have stuff I need to do today and don't know how to make myself. Already been laying in bed for an hour now!

I just feel like such crap right now. I don't wanna be that person who attacks someone who doesn't deserve it. I've been attacked before (even on these forums...which sucks since I only try to help) so I know how that feels. But we're all struggling so maybe those users were just having a bad night.

I don't know what to do.

Well, rant over.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

((hugs)) I can definitely relate to this. I feel this way when i reach mixed states and honestly just want to destroy everything around me in hopes that it will stop. But remember…always remember that it will pass. Keep your head on straight and stay strong!

[ozzy1313]

I get what you are saying- I try so hard not to attack people (usually my family) but sometimes it is so overwhelming.

[Becoming]

Yeah, today I'm just going to try and put my head into school work as much as possible and then hopefully I will be distracted. It'll just be bad if someone interrupts me a lot cause I'm in that mood where enough of it will make me snap at them.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ozzy1313]

how did the rest of your day go? I went to work and it was ok- I stayed pretty quiet, but didn't need a xanax to stay calm which was good.

It's the anger and rage I think that scares me the most bc that is when all reason goes out the window and feelings of hurting myself seem ok bc I am so mad at the world I don't care about anyone else.

[Becoming]

It was alright. I snapped a tiny bit at someone because I misunderstood what they were saying. But I apologized right after.

The rest of the day I stayed quiet even when things bothered me.